How to combat sexual fantasies?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Dimitrije1606, May 13, 2016.

  1. Dimitrije1606

    Dimitrije1606 Fapstronaut

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    I am on my ninth day of NoFap Challenge, and one troublesome thing which has appeared is sexual fantasy. I am not fantasizing, I am trying to avoid it as best as possible, but when my guard is down they just pop up. I haven't the slightest intention of indulging in them or bringing them up intentionally, I've blocked most of outside stimuli which can trigger them, but they still appear. Any advice on how to counter this problem?
     
    Nguyễn Tấn Phát likes this.
  2. Keep yourself busy I guess. I'm feeling the same to, I wasted the whole morning just fantasising. We just need to develop a routine and improve our discipline.
     
    WilliamJ.F. likes this.
  3. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    I find that there is no set method, but you need to reprogram your thoughts. Replacing a bad thought by a good one and be extra aware of your thoughts. you need to extract the bad thoughts as soon as they pop up.

    You need to stop objectification of women too. You need to stop looking at breasts and buttocks, etc (if you were doing so).

    If you read stories of ex-porn actors that describe the dark side of the industry and the abuses that exist, that also helps seeing the reality.
    Understanding that porn is science-fiction, is another helper....
     
  4. Fantasizing is normal, as long as you don't feel you have to act on them. They can serve as a harmless distraction, as long as you don't spend hours doing it. Keeping busy and finding other things to focus on is the key.
     
    noviceambition likes this.
  5. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Distraction and redirection are the best strategies. Try to engage in something that is strenuous for the mind and body at the same time. The more of your capacities you occupy with something else, the fewer are available to the addiction/compulsion.
     
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  6. TheWannabe

    TheWannabe Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, fantasizing is something that comes up. Especially when the mind is capable of seizing on a thought or impulse and running with it.

    A counter... well, get up. Walk around. Take a walk. Do homework. Eat a meal, if it's that time of day. Read a book. (Or fanfiction.) Keep yourself busy.
     
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  7. Dimitrije1606

    Dimitrije1606 Fapstronaut

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    That's the problem, fantasies appear between those times. I am as busy as I can possibly be, yet in between those times they still appear.

    I am trying to employ one specific memory to which I will turn to as soon as fantasies turn up. At least, that's what I got from all the responses. Thanks everyone :)
     
  8. Be present. Find something in your physical surroundings, focus on it. Tune into all your senses. Interact with the reality you are in at that moment.
     
  9. The Help Man

    The Help Man Fapstronaut

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    You can stop watching porn.
    You can stop fapping.
    But it's very difficult task to stop fantasizing or thinking about sex why?
    When a male's T-levels rise beyond a certain point, he can hardly help but have sex on his mind virtually all the time. That's why it's not at all uncommon to hear a male's behavior described as "testosterone-driven." And unquestionably, for males in their later teens and early twenties (when their T-levels peak), their thoughts and feelings are influenced mightily by what really is going on between their legs. They experience an almost constant stirring in their genitals--sensations that clamor for attention but that society disallows being fully expressed. But, regardless of such restraints, the very sight of a female (real, or merely "fabricated" in their mind) can't help but fan this not-to-be-denied libidinous flame.
     
    Dimitrije1606 likes this.
  10. The Help Man

    The Help Man Fapstronaut

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    It may be something akin to a person in the throes of starvation, whose senses are naturally concentrated solely on food. Sorely deprived of a fundamental need, the desperate quest for sustenance overrules any other consideration, which in the moment must feel utterly beside the point--immaterial, extraneous, and irrelevant. The expression "hunger has no conscience" poignantly characterizes such an urgent state of affairs. Ethical considerations become secondary (if in fact they're reflected upon at all) in situations where the excruciating ache of starvation must override any other thought.
     
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  11. The Help Man

    The Help Man Fapstronaut

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    Women who've become cynical about men's motives have frequently claimed that theirbrain can be found between their legs. To get a bit more specific, I might add that this brain can be located directly in the testes--the male's "testosterone factory." Aside from any confounding psychological factors, what primarily determines a man's sexual appetiteis, pure and simply, the amount of testosterone (T) in his system. And if his T-levels are high, expect him to show tendencies to objectify, demean, or exploit the opposite sex.

    Adolescent girls, and women in general, rightfully complain that they feel de-valued when men see them, or treat them, as "sex objects." But could it not be argued that to a great extent males--"seduced" from within by elevated T-levels--can't really help it? Very much like animals in heat, males "under the influence" may have great difficulty in perceiving females other than one-dimensionally, as objects for lustful gratification.
     
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    If you plant flowers - you get flowers

    If you plant weeds - you get weeds

    If you plant nothing - you get...

    WEEDS!

    Keep your mind full of good things. Dirty crap will quickly fill a void.
     
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  13. Dimitrije1606

    Dimitrije1606 Fapstronaut

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    This has been on my mind as well. It's day 11 and last 2 nights I've had porn-related dreams, and as time is passing I feel more and more on fire. Whenever I am not occupied or am resting fantasies will occur. I've come to realization that it's a wrong move to try and suppress them, as they will just keep coming back stronger. Rather than that I'll let them play out and work around them, so I am not tempted what they may or may not be. Simply put, I need to overpower them with memories of healthy relationships with women, something which I've not had in... well, ever. Isn't that what rewiring is all about?
     
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  14. The Help Man

    The Help Man Fapstronaut

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    Sex or fast no other way around.
     
  15. Discipline123

    Discipline123 Fapstronaut

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    Re-engage in the fantasy and visualize yourself taking the proper action, step by step - to put your clothes back-on and visualize apologizing to the woman/man for what you've done without their permission.
     
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  16. TheWannabe

    TheWannabe Fapstronaut

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    Or just tell them that they're not real and that you've officially revoked your invitation for them to freeload in your brain.
     
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  17. feo1966

    feo1966 Fapstronaut

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    You'll never stop your brain from delivering fantasies to your conscious mind.
    But you Can have a plan to deal with them when they do.

    I think of it like quicksand. And fantasies are like putting your foot in the quicksand.

    When a fantasy pops in your head, try the following:

    - say out loud...."where does this lead?" And ponder the end result, which is feeling horrible after relapse. This snaps you out of the short term pleasure by making you think about the long term pain.

    - at the same time....make a pissed off frown face. It seems hard to have a pleasurable fantasy with that facial expression.

    I find the combination of the two kills the pleasure of the fantasy, so it just fades instead of me trying to fight it
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2016
    Yogibear2016 likes this.
  18. TheWannabe

    TheWannabe Fapstronaut

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    You have no idea of what kinds of kinks can nail someone, bro. I do not lie when I say that there are people - including myself - that find that sexy.

    That having been said, your main point was a good one.
     
  19. noviceambition

    noviceambition Fapstronaut

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    I agree with what burningheart said because before viewing porn you probably fantasized a lot during puberty when your testosterone levels shot up. I noticed that whenever I thought obsessively about something or someone was because I haven't thought of a way to accept them/it. If you've ever disliked someone before and couldn't stop thinking about why they act the way they do, then it was probably because it became a problem that your brain wanted you to fix. By the time you calm down and think about why they acted in a way that you didn't like, then realize what may have caused it and get an understanding of the situation, then miraculously you will stop thinking about them. I don't have the science to back up these claims, but this must be a psychological phenomenon. I also agree with Ikindaknew as well about "reprogram(ing) your thoughts".

    I don't know about you but the more time passes, the more I realize how grotesque porn really is. Like Ikindaknew also said about "ex-porn actors that describe the dark side of the industry and the abuses that exist", there really is more than meets the eye that will help you determine what is real and unreal. However, I will admit that there are more passionate porn videos being released that display more natural feelings during courting, but that's a different avenue. I have an art background and have taken figure drawing. When you learn about the anatomy of the body, and find out how truly amazing it's physiology is, then you'll be able to view the human body in a different way. Sure her figure is nice, but how amazing her personality must be if she has that much respect to take care of her body? I have a few attractive female friends and their personalities can be so colorful. I can only imagine what it took to develop such an interesting being. And, I don't know about you but I think a girl is really attractive if she can sing well. Of course I would prefer if this person took good care of their body. Sorry I went on a little tangent there.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2016
  20. Winston

    Winston Guest

    Like said upper, there is no set method.
    Mine is simple: when women are not dressed in the way i judged it "proper", i turn my head on the other side or look up when i need to talk to them. I avoid "sexual jokes" when talking with co-workers (IT guys can be dumb, sometimes) and, like said upper again, i keep myself busy.
    Seen when i hit the emergency button, earlier today: when it comes, do something right away.
     

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