How to Conquer? Help?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ImStrongAK, Mar 16, 2020.

  1. ImStrongAK

    ImStrongAK Fapstronaut

    Hey, guys.
    First time, apparently, putting up a thread.
    Not fapping for past few weeks have filled me with emotions that I'm finding extremely difficult to control. My male energy has been channelized within my body. I'm saying this simply because I'm getting desperate to have a convo with a girl, I have fallen for. I'm highly unlikely going to make the first move considering she'll take the charge if she comes to know about it. I don't want that to happen. I'm just wanting her to initiate a convo. Mark my words on this, I had been trying very hard for a week now. I've been investing almost all my time thinking about her, putting up FB stories, and searching.
    To give you some backstory, I had received her friend request in or around May 2019. I couldn't recognize her as she had put up a grayscale profile pic. I committed a mistake, right there. I went on to check her Albums and I still don't know how did those 2 freaking minutes turn into 2 hours of continued staring!! I waited if I could get a message too because she's an introverted girl and was completely studious back in high school. But, unfortunately, she didn't interact.
    I happened to message her on her birthday in January. Her reply came through in an hour or so. I couldn't continue from there as I was bounded by examination preparations.
    I have 2-3 friends in real life and am perceived as a guy who has sacrificed all the materialistic comforts and is on a path to attain Salvation just like a mystic. To put forward my perspective, I am known as a person too much laser focused on turning his vision into a reality. But from there onwards (when I saw her for the first time), I felt that internal burning desire to work dying deep down, the flame extinguishing inside.
    I can't share this with anyone in real life to possibly save myself from future embarrassment which may ultimately contribute to more mental deterioration.

    Also, to sum it up, I know for a fact, being a 19 year old naive teen, this is an age where our intelligence seems to be hijacked by our RAGING hormones. I'm having absolutely 0 lustful thoughts towards her. All I'm looking for is affection, warmth and a person in my life whom I can cherish. And for which, I'm dying to get a message from her. This would open the gate and provide me an opportunity to check her mental level and to know about her, so that I can stop myself going all gaga over her.
    Any sort of genuine advice will be appreciated, I'd be highly obliged.

    Warm regards.
  2. Matt_Es

    Matt_Es Fapstronaut

    Man, my emotions have gone into overdrive doing nofap, and I find myself constantly thinking about a girl I have a crush on. And I'm almost 37. But, because I'm constantly thinking about her, I see it as more of a warning than anything else. In saying that, I'm open to experience and I'm not trying to force anything. The backstory is that I've started a writing group with 5 other people and she's one of them. And I'm aware that I have an agenda with this woman, and that might not be a good thing. I have thoughts like 'you'll never know if you don't try' and 'you don't want to embarrass yourself' and I find I'm always looking for an answer or rationalising. But there is no answer, these are just thoughts. So how do you know what to do? You don't. Acknowledge that you're obsessing, let your thoughts come and go without judging them, go distract yourself, start a new hobby etc. because you can't think your way out of this.
    WolfHound 獣 and ImStrongAK like this.
  3. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

    It's good to spill your emotions out. I hope you feel better. Now on to some real talk.

    Grow up and just go talk to the woman. Stop waiting around. It's not going to help anything. Why do I say this? If you keep waiting, you'll be in the same position you were now in a few weeks.

    So get your head out of the sand and just do it. As Wayne Gretzky said, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
    WolfHound 獣 and ImStrongAK like this.
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    she requested your friendship in facebook. she is basically saying, "i´m interested in you", she puts herself in your orbit hoping you know what to do with that.
    You just need to talk to her! once or twice over text to know if you like her (she could be borring a fruit loop, etc) and if you do you just need to ask her out. If you do nothing, she will think that you are not interested and forget about you, and if you wait a lot to act she will know that you didn´t have the balls to ask her out earlier. So... don´t wait for her to make a move, you talk to her, be the man!!
    WolfHound 獣 and ImStrongAK like this.
  5. :)-keepsmiling

    :)-keepsmiling Fapstronaut

    If you want people to like you, you have to follow the GOLDEN PRINCIPLE OF FRIENDSHIP
    In order for people to like you ,you have to make them feel great
    It is simple
    If you don't make them feel great,they wont like you.

    Don't always talk about your problems(There is a particular time and place for that)
    This is because people them self have their own problems.
    WolfHound 獣 and ImStrongAK like this.
  6. :)-keepsmiling

    :)-keepsmiling Fapstronaut

    How can we become an INTERESTING PERSON who people will love to know? (READ TILL THE END)
    Now what do i mean by this?
    Let us consider an example
    Let us consider DANCE.
    There are a lot of dance moves that one can try.But there are some which are the most trending and has a popular style(FLOSS DANCE)
    But when you step on the dance floor and do the floss you are doing that others know.
    If you start doing the same thing as others do you by definition become BORING!!!
    The only way to combat this is to DO THINGS THAT YOU GENUINELY WANT TO DO!!!(Don't worry,it is human nature to do what others do.)
    -(Second reason)
    Imagine a circle and this circle represents all the things that you know and contains things that you find comfortable doing.THIS IS YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
    The problem is that people are scared to venture outside their comfort zone
    You are not sure what would happen if you try that new thing.You get saredthat you might mess up.
    In order to be interesting you will have to muster up that courage and move outside your comfort zone.
    There is no trick to do that.You have to face yours fears .
    In the end you must understand that even though you fail at least you are now more courageous than you were before.

    You also start to gain a lot of confidence which i believe will make you into a more successful person.
    ImStrongAK likes this.
  7. ImStrongAK

    ImStrongAK Fapstronaut

    You were absolutely right, sir.. almost been 2 weeks and I couldn't even start.
  8. ImStrongAK

    ImStrongAK Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much! But sir we are not communicating..
  9. ImStrongAK

    ImStrongAK Fapstronaut

    Hello, fellow Fapstronauts.
    For the first time in my life I became infatuated with a girl so badly that now after her ignoring me, I'm finding it very difficult to cope up. First off, my self confidence has already been destroyed over the past few years. Thanks to my family's environment and my recent failures. I feel like my existence is absolutely a struggle, a pain. And particularly since 2017, nothing is going right. Nothing. I was able to digest many worst matters of my life and consequently suppress my emotions but not this one. This one has absolutely destroyed my mental state. It feels like I was already deprived of love and this one just came to completely destroy my peace, mental state and health.

    Details :
    As stated above, I have been posting FB Stories since March 8, 2020 solely for her after customization. It must have came as a complete shocker for her as I was amongst the best students (not flaunting just for info) in my school and casually posting something must have been unexpected for her. I observed something. A pattern. She saw them for the first 3 times and when I decided to put up a song for her then she didn't. She didn't see 3 of my stories consecutively, which led me to believe that she has muted me. Then I thought I'd post something from my achievements and boom! There she was! For next few days, I posted memes and I was ignored. But every achievement of mine that I had put on my story was seen.
    It gave me a sense of relief that she hasn't muted me at least. My ultimate goal was to talk to her. I knew exactly what was required to make her feel special. Everything I had planned. But again I was bounded by my principle of life. I WON'T TEXT FIRST! I don't want to belittle myself. That's where I messed up, I guess. I put up a story on Facebook today for an April Fool's Prank. Since I had wished her on her birthday, there was a great possibility she would wish me to. I purposely hid my birthday on my FB and posted a video message thanking people for wishing me. I thought if she'd see then she'd revert and then I'd reveal it was a prank and from there would establish a rapport and that would be a win-win situation. SHE IGNORED MY STORY, DIDN'T SEE IT TODAY!

    Two things could be possible : 1) She's just a gold digger. But rather a silent one. 2) She likes someone else.

    I went on to search everything I possibly could about her, here are my findings :
    1) TikTok - 3 Followers. Private Account. 142 videos?! Just for 3 of them?! How does that make sense?
    2) Pinterest - Occasionally surfs there. But she had recently pinned 2 posts on "How easy it is for someone you like to make you laugh" and "10 signs you're a good kisser"?
    3) LinkedIn - 0 connections.
    4) Instagram - 148 Followers. She's ungrateful. She doesn't mutually follow back some of my own acquaintances. I had decided to follow her from my fake account but I was ignored.
    5) She's photogenic!
    6) Appreciates good literature.
    7) Limited Friend Circle.
    8) Comments on my friend's YT videos and that ANGERS THE SHIT OUTTA ME!
    9) Lives less than a km away from my house.
    10) She's a Taurus Girl and absolutely love Indian Ethnic Clothes.

    I prayed a hell lot from March 8, 2020 onwards for her presence in my life. Every day since then till now I have spent just thinking about her, stalking her, crying, DAYDREAMING ABOUT OUR FUTURE (WORST, WORST MISTAKE!), fighting with my family and praying & worshipping.
    I wonder why did she send me a friend request? What was the point if you don't want to see my stuff or interact? I do like her pictures on Facebook, though. Why did God send her in my life? How do I get out of this circumstance which is absolutely deteriorating me? What should I do? What? Help me, please? I want your valuable insights. I feel like I can't take this anymore. I know my inner feelings well. I had chalked out everything as per the requirements to attract her on chat but now I guess, nothing can be done...

    When hope dies, you become inert, you die emotionally and when you die emotionally, you become a living dead, just physically existent.
  10. WolfHound 獣

    WolfHound 獣 Fapstronaut

    I will unemotionally analyse it .
    You are out of the game . You are not on the Sexual Market, you have ''no sexual market value'' right now .
    You are good . But that shows me you are insecure . And.. very much. On everything. You must be cool with you and if not looking to improve and do on it .
    He saying the truth .
    He is right about everything he said .
    I don't approave that. Where you wanna be ? Friendzone or you want her as your girl .
    Friendship don't work with women. Remember that .
    He sounds like he is telling you advices that are not his . Like he read that stuff somewhere .
    From all of the characteristics she is a player . She knows how to pull the strings, probably knows she making you crazy, so she can use you like she wants.

    Mine advice. You said you wanted to ''cherish'' . IDK if you had previous relationships, I read for the idea of it , not every single word . So here is the thing , all you doing is PMO related mentality . Looking at her, doing nothing . Good you are away of PMO, you said, but mentality keeps crawling at you .. Here is what you got to do. Yes, shoot your shot, but be a Man, cause you are . Your whole mindset is wrong. SHE is the one that got to cherish you . That is by nature and the only way a relationship can work, if not, she will be manipulating you . Man up, be assertive . As the guy said, shoot your shot . Very assertive, proper, polite , manly , with the desire for her to be yours . With game . You currently got no game, you are in a bad current position of the mind. Mind is everything in seduction and attraction . You may say what is this guy talking about.. I wanna cherish her, not some dark manipulative seduction thing .. But this guy knows what he is talking about. No way you will be able to appreciate her beauty if you don't have her ''locked'' ''sealed deal'' you know. You got to win with her. No 50-50. Either win, or loose. No friendship material . Act.

    See, a girl is not a big thing, but a man is.. Girl best years are from 16-27 let's say.. Well kept man peak is from 25-60 my man, believe that, I know what I am talking about . A man is a man, you have very, very wrong idea of what's going to happen between that girl and you .. Act with her like she nothing special. You will get her that way. Cherish her and see what's up. I know what is going to up then.

    So.. forget about that mindset forever. Even you in love I want you like IF NOT YOU, what ? NEXT, NEXT, NEXT, NEXT . Never settle in mind, never in scarecity. YOU ARE BORN TO BE A WARRIOR, BUILDER. With all my respect to women, she is naturally called to look after your kids. ACT LIKE IT, DON'T act like she something precious . She may be, but let her be your precious.

    GO GET HER !
    ImStrongAK likes this.
  11. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    C´mon man! talk to her already, grow a set of balls! Woman like man that takes risks! girls DON´T want to be the man in the relationship. Talk to her.. ask her out and see what happens!! you already wasted a month of your life with BS.
    Every day you keep with this she is loosing interest in you..

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