How to cope with rejection/crush already in relationship

I have to learn the very same. Coping with distress caused by refusal is something that I never managed to do in the past. When hurt, I just disconnect my brain and act like a complete jerk. I realized that I was in need of a relationship, but having a girlfriend is not everything life's about.

If you are similar to me, then you are afraid of rejection because you are afraid to remain alone. Being alone is bad, but the more I think about it the more I get obsessed. I am very introspective by nature, but I always lacked the maturity to understand that I am not ready to a have a girlfriend yet. Now I am approaching the problem from a different perspective, or at least I am trying to. I want to focus on myself, man up and live my life. I am hoping to develop my personality and become immune to this anxiety. Even if I manage to find a girl at the moment, I don't think that I would act as a man. If I am afraid of rejection, I would also be scared of separation. I know it. I would become possessive, selfish.

If you still want to pursue a relationship, I have only one advice: always be aware of your feelings and perceptions.
What I mean? I noticed that I tend to follow the same route every time:

1) Noticing this pretty girl.
2) Try to engage her, not succesful.
3) Friendzoned/Rejected. I feel hurt.
4) Frustration starts to build up.
5) Hatred substitutes other feelings.
6) I don't speak to that girl anymore, even if I am forced to see her everyday.

Basically, everytime I just get hurt while throwing away all my dignity. Very childish I'd say. Pathetic.
I blame porn, but I also blame my stupidity.
I wish I would learn to act like a gentleman. But fear can prevent me to be who I want to be. Last time this shit happened to me, I was destroyed. But I have forgiven. Now I am free. I was stuck and I have fallen to take a huge step in my personal development. Now I know I can break that 6-points cycle, I can stop fear and pain if I try.

When you feel that same fear, you are afraid of getting hurt.
Don't let fear dictate your actions. Go for it.
If you feel hurt, for Christ's sake, don't be like me. Teach yourself how to bear the pain. Smile at distress, save your dignity, take another step to be a better person and man.
By doing this now you are sparing yourself more suffering in future.
Maybe the only way to understand something is to experience it.
I am not asking you to actively search for stressful situations. But if you find yourself into one, try to make the best of it. Learn to live the bad moments and you will enjoy the good ones at the fullest.
Maybe the last rejection you suffered was terrible. But if you live in past fear, you will never overcome future challenges. Convince yourself that you WILL be rejected again. But it won't be as bad as the last time. Less bad, if you have processed your thoughts.

How do you feel towards the girl that rejected you?
If you have forgiven her, you are then truly free.
If you have fallen you can finally to stand up.

This ended up to be just ranting. I typed what burst out of my head. I hope you have not missed my point.

 

I think its something you just have to accept is a possibility.

I just try to focus on the taking initiative part. Taking the initiative puts you in a vulnerable position. It can go well or it can go bad. When you are taking initiative you are accepting all possible outcomes, it going well or it not going so well.

But the important thing is to just keep taking initiative. As long as you do you will be making progress. Also in the game of dating all you need is one 'hit'. One girl. You might go through ten rejections and then meet one girl you end up dating for years. definitely worth going through the rejections for.

 

Fail as much as possible until you reach a state where failure doesn't hurt you anymore. People often are so afraid of failing. Just destroy this fear. Experience is key.

 

Have you thought about self development/ improvement in the area of approaching woman? I started a thread here on just this. Feel free to check it out, and good luck.

http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/progress-report-pickup-with-a-twist.58344/

 

Do not feel bad at all man. I've been rejected many times too. In fact, last year I was ignored/rejected by a woman whom I deeply admired and fell in love with. Even though we were friends at one point, there was some serious romance between us. I trusted her, and she even told me face to face: "I'll never reject you." Well, guess what?! She lied.

Take it from me man. Focus on yourself! This means following your dreams, building your confidence, etc. By the time she comes to you, just look at how much you've prepared. The experience of my heartbreak taught me a lot about myself. I was insecure, naive, selfish, and a whole bunch of other crap. It took me a LONG time to get over her. Imagine being hurt so badly when you were at the lowest point of your life. Maybe to the point of suicide? I've already been there.

Here's the good news, I can finally get my mind off of girlfriends because I don't care right now. I'm planning to move out of my parents' house, live on my own, get a car, a job, and discover the real me. A girlfriend would be nice, but you have to be happy with yourself first. And along the way, even though my heart was shattered into a million pieces, ironically when I approach girls it doesn't seem as bad. In fact, I don't mind the challenge of being turned down, if they can do it. What's the worst that can happen? I've been heartbroken a thousand times worse. Being hurt, apparently makes you stronger, wiser, and more careful (at least for me). But I wish you the best of luck man. Focus on yourself just like I am, and hopefully the right girl will come around.

 

I know this feeling. I'm completely in love with a girl who has a boyfriend. Not just like a crush.

This girl and I actually did date briefly, and it was amazing. But she pulled away because she felt like she was falling for me too hard, and didn't want to get hurt again. She was still recovering from her previous relationship. We didn't break up all at once, kind of fizzled out as she closed herself off.

Then she started dating another guy, specifically because she didn't see any real potential with him. But she and I stayed friends. Of course the lack of pressure with both of us allowed her to get closer. She got more serious about dating him, but she and I developed a very intense emotional bond.

I know that she and her boyfriend will not last. But I'm scared that she still won't want to be with me in a romantic sense. She's studying overseas right now, and I'm trying to focus on self improvement. The real catch-22 is that I know the only way I'll ever be able to be with her again is if I get over her first.