How to cure Oneitis?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by magic05, Feb 8, 2020.

  1. magic05

    magic05 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 29, addicted to PMO since 14 and since my last relationship 6 years ago I didn't have any dates, had no sex and basically had no interest in women at all because I was so deep into my PMO addiction.

    Since 1 year I cut back on PMO and since 4 weeks I'm on my first serious attempt of nofap.

    Since then my interest in real women grew strongly. I already had a big crush on a co-worker for 1 year that only became bigger since nofap. I never approached her because of PMO and fear of PIED. I'm pretty sure I'm stuck in the friendzone now. She doesn't want me, but now I want her badly and after 6 years of no sex I feel like she is "the one and my only chance on an attractive woman". I'm completely obsessed about her since nofap.

    I suffer from a classic case of "Oneitis".

    And I wonder how to get out of it? I feel like nofap after a long time of absence increases this feeling much much more. I feel completely sex-starved. Has anybody felt the same? How did you get out of it?
     
  2. Azzure

    Azzure Fapstronaut

    I'll be honest, I didn't even know what Oneitis was LOL.
    So I researched it and found this link, I'm listening to the podcast now.
    And yes, I have had it before, and YES you can get out of it, but it will be up to you AND it will take effort and work on your part.
     
  3. Zimzi

    Zimzi Fapstronaut

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    Try to finesse her then. No point wasting your life not doing it at this point. Pretend to be the man she would want and try to finesse a bang. Instead of just ogling. Girls like to be ogled but don’t let her fk with you and see you as too deep of a pussy. Make the move and see. It’s the best way forward. Why try to get over her instead? Probs cuz of fear of rejection. Look rejection in face and do it. Or better yet, look somewhere else if u don’t wanna take the risk. But you can’t force yourself to not want to sex her if the reason is cuz you’re scared.
     
  4. HornyChang

    HornyChang Fapstronaut

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    The way to get rid of oneitis is to love yourself. No girl out there is greater than your self worth. You are the god of your own world because if you think about it everything is created and perceived through you, your beliefs, your interest. And if you literally have nothing in this world guess what you do still have. You. So why would you let some girl be greater than you, to rely all your happiness on some girl.

    Loving yourself is the greatest thing you can do. Start right now and believe you are the sexiest mthfker out there even with your flaws. I am the greatest. Believe you are the greatest. Truly love yourself and feel it. The thing that happens is you become a beacon of love and people will be attracted to that. Right now you are like a fly getting any scrap of love out there. Thats why the saying is true. Love yourself before you can love others. Put yourself above all things. "Im so desperate and horny" doesnt matter Im sexy af. "She doesnt love me" doesnt matter im fking awesome. If you can get to that point you will never be heartbroken/desperate again because you have you.
     
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  5. Ruttigan

    Ruttigan Fapstronaut

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    Meditation might help. There are meditations where you imagine all the disgusting things in a human body like urine and feces and boogers and blood and bile, then you image dead bodies getting eaten by maggots and stuff. Really kills your desire.
     
  6. JTJ

    JTJ Fapstronaut

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    Find someone else, you'll forget her.
     
  7. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I think many of us have been in similar situations. Getting out there and meeting other women is the most positive step you could take at the moment and if you get a few dates under your belt you'll soon break out of this mindset. That's how I got out of it.

    With this particular woman, you're building her up in your head and putting her on a pedestal. In reality, if you really did get to know her you would see her in a different light and start to that she, like everyone, is flawed, and perhaps nowhere near as compatible as you might think on the face of it.
     
    LordQuas likes this.
  8. magic05

    magic05 Fapstronaut

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    @HornyChang

    I really like your idea of meditation. I tried multiple times in the past to implement it in my daily routine, but always failed because I consume too much alcohol and I can't meditate while being under the influence of it. I will try practicing it again, but I probably have to get rid of alcohol first.

    However I wonder if it is really enough to only love oneself? After all we humans are social animals and we cannot be happy in the long term without a partner. You don't think we are all dependent on sexual relationships? How do you deal with it in your daily routine?

    Yes that's exactly it. I put her on a pedestal. And the reason for this is: I feel completely sex-starved. No women at all in 6 years. Since nofap all the sexual pressure that built up for years is trying to get released. And I project all of it on this certain woman, because she is the first one I found attractive since my ex-GF. She is smoking hot and porn has probably conditioned me to only be attracted to above-average looking women. To be honest she is not even that interesting regarding her personality, but her looks are simply terrific. Did you experience something similar, like porn has conditioned you to this mindset?

    Other women don't seem interesting to me and I also have no idea about dating. I never had a date and just the thought of it makes me feel panicked because of fear of rejection.

    I cling to her, because of a mindset of scarcity. But I feel like I'm wasting my time, because she obviously isn't interested. I hang out with her a lot, but it will be a masochistic behaviour once the day comes where she has another boyfriend and will make out right in front of me.
     
  9. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Yes, throughout my teens and twenties. I don't think porn had any impact, and it was generally 'normal' looking girls, ones who I might realistically be able to obtain rather than the particularly good looking ones that I had this issue with.

    Me neither until I was 31, then I started meeting local women via online dating. Once I started regularly dating women the whole concept of 'oneitis' turned to dust, as I was meeting women who previously I had built up in my head as being something they weren't, and actually they were just normal people with similar insecurities and worries to me. And while looks will always have a bearing, someone who is perhaps average looking will become far more attractive to you if you get to know them a bit more.
     

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