How to deal with anxiety about "the first time"

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Bean43, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. Bean43

    Bean43 Fapstronaut

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    As someone who has yet to experience losing their virginity, I feel a great sense of anxiety and even dread when thinking about the prospect of it. Now of course there is nothing in the world i want more than to lose it and i cant wait to finally experience an orgasm at the hands of someone else, but i'm talking about anxiety simply due to my lack of experience. I am 20 years old and at an age when most of peers have already been past these rudimentary stages and it feels like everybody is simply ahead of the curve and when I run through the scenario in my mind I am bumbling round and awkward and basically just god awful at it.

    How do I shake this? I am well aware that the only way to gain experience is to simply do it, but I am literally terrified of embarrassing myself, and this just leads me to become more depressed and ultimately find my way back to porn.
     
  2. Crimson Guard

    Crimson Guard Fapstronaut

    I am 19 and I have no girlfriend and I don't need one. I set a purpose for my life, and my goal is to be good in my domain, law. I learn learn learn, and, if God has a girl for me, He will give her to me at the right time. Think like that man, you are not yet prepared for a girl. Prepare yourself, and the girl will come into your life when you don't even expect.
     
  3. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    I have the same. But i learned something that is great and i feel that makes up for all of it. When you approach a girl there are 3 things that can happen.
    1) She says yes -> Win for you
    2) She says no in a normal way -> Win for you, because you approached a girl and showed your anxiety who is the boss. Its sad she said no, but that's how it goes.
    3) She says no in bitchy not normal way-> Win for you, because you don't want to be with a person like this. Also you showed you anxiety who is the boss.

    Normal i think a girl will go for 1 or 2. About not having exprience with things so have i. But i think if you find a girl she shouldn't make a problem of it. If she does she is a person and not the right person. I mean if she teases you with it, alright tease her back. but if she makes you a fool infront of people than its her problem not yours!
     
  4. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Fellow virgin here. Be patient and find someone you really care about. Communicate and be honest/open about everything. Take things slow, be respectful, lots of foreplay. Don't worry. Look forward to it and don't rush it.
     
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  5. Bean43

    Bean43 Fapstronaut

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    I think this is good advice! As you probably know, anxieties biggest detriment is that it hinders your view and only allows you to only think of the negative things that can happen. If I just start to focus on things that i can control i think it can definitely help and is a step in the right direction! Also, like you said, sometimes even if she says no or things don't go as planned, it can still be viewed as victory. I definitely think an improvement in attitude will help.
     
  6. Bean43

    Bean43 Fapstronaut

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    lol i guess your right. One day ill look back and laugh at how mental I was in regards to this topic but the thought of losing it is literally always on my mind! When I think about it though, I would certainly rather lose it with someone i trusted and cared about rather than the first girl to smile at me just so I can check some box off on my personal achievement list.
     
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  7. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Don't think too much about it and be patient. And that's a very mature mindset, it will ultimately make you feel happy about yourself and not have any regrets
     
    Bean43 likes this.
  8. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    man, i can just tell you this: try to study how a woman is made, how a vagina in made. See on internet how to stimulate clitoris and g spot with your hands and do it before having penetrative sex. Nothing too complex. You'll look great if you know that, 100% sure!
     
    Bean43 likes this.
  9. Sananafraz

    Sananafraz Fapstronaut

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    You can’t move too slowly (I don’t mean relationship-wise). Every move you make can be intentional. Slow controlled movement. Breath with her. If she says faster, you slow down. Control.
     

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