How to deal with fetishes.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Sufc101, Feb 25, 2019.

  1. Sufc101

    Sufc101 Fapstronaut

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    Any of you Guys or Gals had experience trying to quit or at least curve whatever fetish you may have? I like to hear how you dealt with it? Did you quit it altogether? Go to every so often? .....
    I have a fetish which always gets me relapsing and I just can't seemed to stop myself going to it. It's a pain in the arse.
     
  2. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    Yep, most (if not all) of us with this addiction have some fetish or another. There is unfortunately no easy answer or quick fix to kick the habit. It takes a LOT of dedication and hard work. Its nothing like dropping a bad habit, because that's NOT what this is, and if we think of it as such, my personal belief is that we'll never be able to kick it to the curb. Willpower and perseverance, mainly. But here is a list of other tools you should definitely look at to help you beat your addiction.


    - Go to weekly SA meetings and find a sponsor there. To find one near you, go to https://www.sa.org/meetings/

    - Do an internet search for CSAT office in your area (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist)

    - Find an accountability partner if you don't already have one. Many are available here on NoFap.

    - Look for help online; There are sexual addiction recovery books, workbooks, self-help books, Youtube videos and MANY other things to help.

    - Start a journal about your recovery. On NoFap, somewhere else online, in a word document offline, or even with pen and paper.


    - Obtain a copy of the book used by the members of SA meetings, which is commonly referred to as “the white book” which can be purchased here: https://www.sa.org/store/product_info.php?products_id=32

    - Put safeguards in place to help you stay sober. Think of your weaknesses and eliminate them.

    - Do you take your phone (or any other device) into the bathroom with you and relapse because of it? Then make a rule to never take any electronic device into the bathroom with you, ever. NO EXCEPTIONS.

    - Do you read erotic literature and relapse because of it? Make a rule to never read anything that could ever be found in that section of any bookstore ever.

    - If you struggle with looking at internet porn or any other addictive material on the internet, get an internet filter to block that category type of website as well as any specific site you know you’re vulnerable to and give someone else the password to it. (Spouse, partner, AP, sponsor, etc.) Obviously, you should not have the password.


    And for new users, check out: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/



    I wish you the best of luck, my friend!
     
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  3. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    I have extremely strong feet fetish which I have from childhood. It always makes me relapse. Now I am trying hard to keep this longest streak of my life.
     
  4. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    Well trust me on this when I tell you, it CAN be done. This is absolutely NOT something that you cannot overcome. You just can't overcome it without hard work and dedication! Good luck, my friend!
     
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  5. icantbelieveit

    icantbelieveit Fapstronaut

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    After nearly 90 days of nofap, I'd say my fetishes have subsided heavily. While the thought of such things still turns me on, it is absolutely nowhere near as strong as it was when I would regularly PMO. Now it's just something that "hey it may be nice to try that with my partner, but if not...meh". Before it would be like "OMG I need that! It's so sexy and hot! I wish I could have that now! Oh my gahhhhhh".
     
  6. Sufc101

    Sufc101 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you joe.
     
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  7. Sufc101

    Sufc101 Fapstronaut

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    Really, the urges for your fetish subsided?... that's incouraging to hear. I am really trying to not focus on mine, I'm just trying to blanket it at the moment.
     
  8. Sufc101

    Sufc101 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck 4d creator.
     
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  9. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    thanks
     
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  10. I've had a specific fetish from even before my teens — that's around 50 years ago (well before the internet)!

    Having completed 89 days hard reboot, like @icantbelieveit, my fetish has been shrinking. The mere thought of it used to get me hard, but now, I think, well, do I really want that? Maybe, maybe not.

    Then, if I think about actually doing it, I think, well, probably not. I have better things to do in my life, like finding a real-life partner with whom to have genuine "unfetish" loving sex.

    I guess that more days of hard reboot should shrink it to virtually nothing, like a bad memory.

    The other fetishes that I picked up along my porn-addicted way have gone completely. Nothing left of them.

    As @Joe1023 writes, do whatever it takes to complete your hard reboot. Don't accept any excuses from your porn-addled mind. Post here as often as needed to help you on your journey.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2019
  11. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    The best way to get rid of a fetish is with the reboot, followed by consistent vanilla sexual interactions with your preferred sex.

    Your brain's pleasure center is filled with neural pathways, many "wired" to real people, but through frequent porn use, the mind can form pathways wired to porn and masturbation. Additionally, objects, situations, or ideas present at the time of masturbation tricks your mind into thinking it's arousing or necessary for sex. This is how we get fetishes induced by porn.

    The most obvious way to get rid of a fetish is to just stop engaging it during sexual activities. After a long time, the pathways will weaken and crumble due to not being stimulated. However, since sexual neural pathways are in close proximity to each other, all the pathways get a little bit of "runoff" stimulation. For example, let's say you have a fetish for your partner wearing a specific type of clothing before sex. If they stop wearing the clothing, but you continue to have sex, the pathway wired to that clothing gets a little bit of stimulation from just the intercourse. Additionally, if this item and/or situation is very arousing for you, the sex won't be that good; your brain remembers this, and craves for the item to come back. So just not engaging in your fetish is not the best thing to do.

    This is the magic of the reboot. The reboot makes all the neural pathways in your mind weaken and die after a long time of no stimulation to anything. While you lose a lot of year reactions to arousing media and situations, you retain your core sexual desire to be with your preferred sex. This is why after the reboot, you don't feel very aroused by porn or your fetishes anymore, but real people seem a lot more arousing; there is no more pathways arousing you to porn or fetishes, so all your brain's energy and focus is on real people. Your mind is only concerned with real attractive people, but is otherwise a blank slate for developing sexual tastes.

    After the reboot though, it is very important to "wire" your brain to real people and sexual encounters. Although your mind is free of your fetish, it's still mostly a blank slate, so you must fill it with enjoyable sexual encounters with real people instead of P, M, and fetishes. Rewiring is the best and most important way to get off a fetish.

    I do want to add however that some people are born with fetishes or desires that can be very arousing and pleasurable when practiced with a partner in a safe, consenting, and respectable environment. People like different things, even if it's a little weird sometimes, and that's totally ok. My gf loves when I really bend or stretch her body during sex. I really like the smell of women's hair for some reason. People like all sorts of crazy stuff. As long as both parties give full consent, nobody is being injured, and it just feels nice, then go on ahead. While many people on this site (including me) have developed fetishes from porn, many that are degrading, harmful, or dangerous, it's important to recognize that some fetishes are fine if they've developed organically and are practiced without abuse.
     
  12. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    I found acting out my fetish in real sexual role play really has decreased my desire for it.
     
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  13. Never Again

    Never Again Fapstronaut

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    One thing that may work is switching to a new, less distressing fetish. Then do this again until you reach the vanilla you desire. For example, I have had a cuckold fetish for years now. And have been unsuccessful in eradicating it. Then I placed a pretty ironclad blocking system on my computer and phone (also backed by the “precedent” of the new year and my upcoming college graduation).

    I began “edging” (though lightly, not intensely for hours on end) to soft core stuff. Not real porn, just “lewds” of anime girls (bikinis, sexy lingerie, maybe some erotic parts showing, etc). I stumbled upon the “trap” and have become kind of obsessed with traps/femboys/trans girls, etc. While it is clear to me that I cannot simply indulge in this newfound fetish, I am in a dominant role (and moreover, the sexual excitement stems from a degree of emotional intimacy. I have sex with a lonely trans girl, make her feel feminine/loved, and she becomes my girlfriend).

    I will not stop here, but this is certainly preferable to a cuckold fetish. A switch from submissive to dominant sexual tastes is very welcome. Perhaps this may be a more efficient way of dealing with fetishes.
     
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  14. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Ehh. I can see the logic, but each fetish has its own downfalls. Now you aren't as aroused at the thought of a man having sex with your gf or wife, but now you want to sexually dominate a sexual orientation that you perceive as below you and with needs only you can satisfy. You're trading one poison for another. Your sexual mindset still isn't the most positive one.

    I agree though that deescalating your porn genre helps at first. Instead of going cold turkey on my sP addiction (very very serious, looked into sex transition, unable to get boners with women due to PIED, PMO 3 hours everyday), I watched regular porn once a week for a month, and then went on a hard mode reboot. It definitely made the transition a lot easier.

    I think you definitely need a hardmode reboot. Less than a year ago, I was so incredibly aroused by wearing female clothing, sticking things in my ass, and just getting fucked like a girl. After my reboot, these things disgust me. Porn places these thoughts in your mind and you can't tell that they aren't your own. You switching to another fetish is just your brain finding more novelty. A hard mode reboot will really allow your brain to calm down, and let you discern what your real sexual desires are. One year ago my greatest pleasure was bending over a pillow on my bed and imagining a giant futa girl fucking me while I stick a dildo in my ass. 45 minutes ago, I was fucking my girlfriend over a pillow in her dorm room. It literally felt 5x better than anything I've done with PMO by myself. 5 times better. Can you even imagine that. I get like lightheaded after sex now because it's so intense.

    Do the reboot, then figure out what your fetishes and desires are. You don't need to switch between different types of equally damaging porn. Exorcise it all from your life. Sex and other interactions with real people is not only fulfilling, wholesome, and leaves you happy, but it literally feels 5 time better than anything PMO related. Take my word on it
     
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  15. Trading one poison for another is not the way to go.
     
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  16. Sufc101

    Sufc101 Fapstronaut

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    Lol well I have a catfight female wrestling fetish which to me I consider quite a soft fetish compared to most.... it's like a girl on girl fetish.... I've even ask myself if I can call this porn?? Thanks for the advice guys, I'm just trying to stay away from it, stay on this hard mode as long as I can..... Day 4 today.
     
  17. If you are sexually aroused by it, then yes, call it porn.
     
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  18. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    Absolutely you should call it porn! If your mind is turned on and you're aroused by it, it doesn't matter if you're watching paint dry, you should call it porn and get completely and totally rid of it!!!!
     
  19. This is pretty insightful I think. In my case the fetish didn't show up till later, but I can see how the roots of it were probably there from a long time ago. It took trauma later in life to awaken it, but it still served as a kind of escape from pain that I didn't know how to manage.
     
  20. Sufc101

    Sufc101 Fapstronaut

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    Is it abit extreme to get rid of something you enjoy completely? I've really improved curving my exposure to it.
     

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