How to deal with her behaviour?

[Nijukay]

Hey there, i got a bit of a problem lately.
I´ve been seeing this close friend of mine for quiet some time now and when i am with her (at her home or mine) it´s like a relationship. We chill together, have fun in our free time and in bed and are enjoying endearments (thats just a small part and said short).
But she doesn´t want a relationship right now, cause of the past events and the stress she is under at the moment.
That was fine by me if she wants her freedom. I try just to be a good close and special friend. I started nofap for her so we can have even more fun together.
She knows how i feel about her and tells me to "wait". "When i am ready to get back into a relationship you are the first one I´ll come to".
Thats she when we are alone. When we are with others she behaves independent and i like that about her as well, but i feel left alone. A friend of hers has a massive crush on her and behaved like a complete *** to her. he made her cry several times but she is still holding on to him and wants to keep up the friendship. That bothers me a lot. He once said (before i got into her) that when they are together its like a relationship and i assume from her behaving when he visits her that they are sleeping together. I mean fine we are in no relationship but how shall i react to this? is she having feelings for us both, am i just her salution if something with him gets wrong again, how long shall i wait in this situation, how to behave? I am at a point where i wanna quit nofap just to feel some kind of satisfaction again.
(I try to change. I eat less candy and try to go to sports 3 or 4 times a week) That is quiet exhausting and i have moments where i just wanna quit.
I dont know what to do with myself. I am finished with school, have no clue what to do as a job and no idea where to start. I spend time at the pc playing games and wondering how fast the days pass by.
I simply dont know what to do and how to trust. Shall i trust her or is it all a waist of time and hopes anyway?
If someone could help i would be really grateful. Thx guys

 

[TotalLifeChange]

I'm telling you, from MANY MANY MANY experiences, of myself and others, that this:

I try just to be a good close and special friend.

is the key to not getting what you want.

And in some cases, even watching how other guys gets ahead in the race (with her, yeah.)

You can be a close friend, obviously, if you want. But not deciding what you want and being firm about it will take you nowhere if you want to be with her.

And this:

she doesn´t want a relationship right now, cause of the past events and the stress she is under at the moment.

Is the biggest BS. So much BS that gets me enraged even though I don't know her

Why? Because if you get into an intimate relationship is precisely to mutually improve both of your lives. I mean WTF.

This I'm telling you, you'll eventually realize, sooner or later.

Decide what you want and be firm. That does not imply being rude or bad or stupid with her.

Just: "hey, this is what I want. If you don't want the same, then I'm not interested in waiting, byebye". Obviously not that exact sentence, but that's the idea you have to get across in a relaxed but firm way.

 

[Nijukay]

Thx man. Sometimes a harsh text gives some clarity.
Just one small question: What is BS? (not native english speaker)
I guess i need to deal with the thought of loosing her in the next time and spend some thoughts on the start of that conversation you mentioned.
Anyway thx mate.

 

[Mauricioblake]

I know how it feelts men actually i fallt until 11 days by myself trying to succed im taking it good because i learn that happines doesnt becames about what other people make you feel, an example if she is nice physical and emocional you feelt in love but you dont know her at all, so you dont have to give all for her, i have bloqued her she was the kind of girl i like, she was playing with me so i fail in my 11 day because i think if i dont have her i will not be a men or happy, i feel bad, so i suscribe definitely to noFap and that is my story hope it help you.

 

[Mauricioblake]

If you get in relationship or you suppose to think on that and it doesnt happens the most probably is that you will fail because you think that if you be with her or you touch or intimidate you will progrese on this course of nofap but men thats is the problem, happines is on you i fail from 11 days to 0 in less than a second for that kind of thinkings. My english is not well at all im not from usa jaja

 

[TotalLifeChange]

Thx man. Sometimes a harsh text gives some clarity.
Just one small question: What is BS? (not native english speaker)

BS is bullshit. A lie or something utterly false or wrong. I'm not a native speaker either, maybe they can give be more precise

Sometimes a harsh text gives some clarity.
I guess i need to deal with the thought of loosing her in the next time and spend some thoughts on the start of that conversation you mentioned.
Anyway thx mate.

I didn't mean to be harsh. I'm just trying to get my point across in a passionate way, because I've experienced it myself, and I've also seen COUNTLESS cases of this, and I hate when guys still not take it seriously enough (not saying you have to be "serious" ).
I also agree that you can choose not to be decisive about your relationships (and life in general), but that's usually only when you have experienced and transcended being intentional about what you want and what you do not want. With that understanding, then you can play it however you want in different moments.
But most guys just let an indecisive girl to make a decision for them, and that seldom works out. In this case, even more seldom because being confident and having clear values and principles is attractive, and not being like that is unattractive.

spend some thoughts on the start of that conversation

Don't hesitate to ask if you need to

Wish you the best.