How to deal with looking at girls on the street

Best thing would be to get in contact with girls and talk with them. That shifts the way you think of them.

 

walk around with closed eyes!

 

Do you have a girlfriend, BTW ? Or do you have any "female friends" (I mean, just friends)?

I recommend you to socialice with girls, but your attitude should be on "friend mode". This will change your POV towards women.

 

Have struggled a lot as well and have been learning to stop objectifying women. I am learning to see them as I see myself: human beings, full of doubts, problems, worries, addictions, secrets they wish no one knew about, self-confidence issues, and all struggles common to mankind. They do not exist for my sexual gratification or the sexual gratification of men as the media and porn industry portrays them.

Now, when I see a girl on the street and my selfish urges want to lust after her, I stop for a moment and wonder what she may be going through in her life (worries, fears, addiction, struggles, etc?). That helps me to look at her as a fellow human being rather than with selfish lusting eyes. It is not easy but it is working wonders for me. It will take longer for me to act this way naturally without a struggle, but practice makes perfect.

 

Maaan this is sooooooo HARD!! Because of the way girls dress, I don't go out much but when I do, girls everywhere dress in a way where it's nearly impossible to not look. They show so much skin, and ugh, I've have been trying for weeks to not lust after women I see around but man, it's so damn hard. It's hard because of the way they dress!!!! I've been successful sometimes at stopping myself but it literally takes ALLLL I FREAKIN GOT to not look!! I mean my entire strength and willpower and only by Gods help I don't look. I can stress it enough, it takes every freakin thing I got to not look!! Its hard man, just keep fighting it and eventually I KNOW it will get easy and it will take nothing to not look. I'm going to change into a real pure man, but in this dark world, it's a battle! I think it's super awesome when guys here not only want to get rid of P but to stop lusting after women in real life as well. Very wise!

Oh yea! It really is a big trigger! How many times have I relapsed to pmo because I was lusting after girls in real life? Ummm, I don't remember!

 

It is really very hard but not impossible. We need to take it slowly and one day at a time realising that it is going to require an attitude change. We cannot run away from girls all together and shut yourself in. We need to learn to live without fear yet with courage and responsibility. Few things that are helping me:

1. Stop the victim mentality that all addicts have. For example, blaming the porn industry, blaming high speed internet, blaming the way women dress, etc...
2. learn to be mature and take responsibility.
3. Stop being selfish by only focusing on my own sexual gratification, but thinking of others.
4. The golden rule "do to others as you would want them to do to you". I would not like it if anyone lusts after any female member of my family and uses her to fap. So, I determine not to do the same for others.
5. Stop objectifying women
6. The girl I see on the street (the mall, etc), no matter how she is dressed, is a human being perhaps going through lots of personal difficulties (worries, fears, addiction, struggles, hurts, family break-up, health issues, uncertainties etc?). Her pain, however hidden, may actually be even much bigger than mine.
7. There may be sluts out there but they are the minority. Not every girl is a slut no matter how she is dressed up. Even the so called slut may just be acting out her own sexual addiction and she is to be cared about as a human being who is 'sick' rather than a sex object.

 

nasty girls having lots of sex are sluts.

what are nasty boys having lots of sex? stallions? rabbits? sewing machines?

 

Nice one Monkotto

 

If it's out of control it called addiction. Don't confuse addiction with high sex drive. Addiction is not nice, that's why most of us are here

 

malesluts and femalesluts...this sounds good.

tombuktu i know what addiction is.

before i became a monk i was a maleslut.


answer to the question here...

there are two kinds of looking - lusty looking and normal looking.

sometimes it is really difficult to look normal when there is a very hot girl.

 

Here's a post I wrote in another thread about how I deal with this issue. In that thread we were specifically talking about ogling young girls, but it applies just as well to all ages.

 

Good discussion.

 

Yes,bro. I know and I am a fellow recovering addict. The only challenge with being a monk is that you are only okay when in the monastery. Once you get out on the streets in the real world, the beautiful creatures out there make your eyes water. It would have been great if the whole world was a monastery

 

I'm on day 61 or 62 of hard mode and today I'm still objectifying women. I find myself seeking out women more on the streets in the hopes they are wearing something sexy. I'm starting to have doubts whether this reboot will work for me.

 

Yeah I have the same problem. I crashed into a snow bank just looking at a girl. I did abstain from it for 4 months but then I saw a girl with a real nice booty and I got right back to it. In fact, it gets worse every time I abstain and return. I think the easiest way to stop is to think about reducing. The three second rule. So any girl you look at in the street u can only look at for three seconds. After that, forget she exists and get on with your day. That was recommended to me by the others in this forum.

 

Good point,I don't want to be a bitch

 

Yeah, the three seconds rule is great and has been suggested by many people. However, I find myself stretching those seconds a bit more. What may appear to me as three seconds end up being 10 or more. Then I tried just moving my head in a different direction, only to find that there were other girls there. So I ended up having neck pains because of the constant titling of my head

In the end with over 3 billion females in the world I realise that I cannot hide or ignore their existence.I also realised that what I needed was not primarily a change in behaviour but rather change in attitude. Unless we stop seeing women as objects of men's sexual pleasures, there will be no real recovery from these addictions.

For me I don't look away anymore when I see a beautiful girl (which is all of the women anyway). I don't do the three seconds rule either. When I feel tempted to objectify them I just remind myself that that is another human being like me and I begin to wonder what she may be going through: pain, anxiety, worries, hurts, wounds, health issues, addiction, etc...Before I finish my list I am full of genuine compassion and have forgotten about my own lust. This is not easy and it is a constant battle. But I am willing to take control over my thoughts and behaviour and not be controlled and dominated by lust and by what society wants me to be. One day at a time, I am learning to change primarily my attitude and also my behaviour