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How to deal with sexual comments from my friends

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Francesco, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. Francesco

    Francesco Fapstronaut

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    Since I started this NoFap thing, I actually improved a lot in my social interactions - at least compared to my previous attitude towards other people. I started getting out more often, I seek for company and try to have a good time whenever possible. Though, I am facing some new difficulties that I used to ignore when I was more introvert (I still am quite a bit). Let me illustrate what I mean with a clear example.

    Yesterday a friend of mine graduated at university. No party was scheduled but eventually people decided to have this flat party to celebrate. I joined, wanting to meet some people and socialize (the old me would be so much surprised/scared of what I have become lol). While there I met this pretty girl, she was cozy and smiled at me all the time. But I acted wussy, without trying to escalate the situation. Then a friend of mine, who is much more easy-going and social, joined us and started to make sexual jokes and stuff. I instantly showed signs of discomfort and embarassment. She (obviously) noticed that, seized the ball and started to reply with more sexual statements. Everything felt embarassing to me :oops: and eventually I screwed up. I don't regret it, now I have something new to work on.

    I don't think asking my friend to stop that behaviour when I approach girls would be useful (I'm virgin btw). She seemed to enjoy that sexual tension, I should have tried to escalate by then. So, what should I do to get more comfortable with this kind of situation? I don't want to be afraid to tell a girl she's beautiful, be it alone with her or in public. Sexual talking seems a valid tool if used properly.
     
  2. How do you get more comfortable with this kind of situation? Well, how do one can get more comfortable with anything that they are not comfortable with? One slowly goes out of their comfort zone until one feels comfortable with it. Kinda like what you did, I'm guessing, to make yourself less introvert and less scared from things you are doing now. What old you did to become new you? You needed to step out of you comfort zone. And soon enough you got used to that new zone, didn't you? Same here.

    Engage in more sexual conversations. With your male friends first. Then maybe with another girls that you are not sexually attracted to. And then flirting and creating tension with girls you are attracted to. Kinda building up slowly from person you feel the most comfortable with to least comfortable with. Just bring up sexual subjects and conversations. Doesn't have to be about any person in particular, just about ideas or practices. Start with slightly sexual subjects and move on to more and more sexual, also building it up. If you do this soon enough you will find that sexual subjects wont bother you anymore.

    It's important to get comfortable with yourself before you start talking about this with other people. For example, how comfortable you are with being virgin? Do you accept it and own it because that is who you are? Or would you rather not be and want to lose it as soon as possible? If you are resisting what IS then it will feed the embarrassment feeling. Because embarrassment happens when something goes wrong, at least when you feel it does, and you are afraid of what others will think. If you accept things as NOT being anything wrong with them then it will help.

    This might sound silly but writing a letter to yourself or talking about uncomfortable things with yourself in mirror can be a good step to get yourself prepared. So that when there is time to express them in public you are more comfortable because you expressed them in letters and later verbally before.

    Also, realize that it is completely fine to be embarrassed too. Again, resisting feeds the feeling even more. So if you blush and feel uncomfortable let it be. Don't try to suppress it. Tell yourself it's completely fine. If somebody notices it and brings it up admit it. "Yea, I'm blushing." In fact, you could even confront it. For example by bringing up that you are a virgin and sexual conversations makes you blush. Instead of "running" confront it. You will get used to it faster. Try turning sexual jokes into more serious sexual subjects. You could use being embarrassed to your advantage. She might find it cute. Turn it into a play and let the girl throw ball at ya. Just don't run from it. Look in her eyes and feel the energy going through you. It's energy that can be very easy transmuted into flirtatious or sexual energy, if you don't resist it, own it and re-direct it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2016
    Machin likes this.

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