How to deal with urges

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by wake_up, Apr 23, 2016.

  1. wake_up

    wake_up Fapstronaut

    so now I have some time and want to go into detail of some issues. I'll start two threads to separate the topics better.

    For the big picture, I started nofap about 220 days ago and about 20 relapse days (depends on counting).
    I try to analyse the relapses to prevent similar ones in future.
    In general I like my progress but there is still some room for improvement.
    Last relapse was last Sunday, so I'm on day #6 and actually the last 5 days were astonishingly easy.
    (Almost no thoughts/urges, that's actually a gigantic progress for me)

    But last night and today the urges return from time to time.
    After some quiet days this is always annoying because then the urges hit me unprepared ...
    I basically stick to what i've learned:
    Some sort of rationalizing them away, remind me of why I'm doing this,
    I know I always feel bad afterwards, so it doesn't make sense to give in ...
    (like written here, and everywhere else)

    Actively not thinking about PMO doesn't work,
    so I try to "distract" myself, focus on something productive or meditate until the urges disappear.
    That works ok most of the time. (I'll plan to work out if possible, that will reduce them as well)

    The last days I was busy, so there was just no time even for thoughts of PMO.
    Today it's different, due to crappy wheather I don't want to go outside, and I actually should be productive, but I keep fighting these stupid urges. That costs a lot of "mental energy" as well.
    Moving from my laptop also helps, but sometimes it's just not possible (e.g. because I have to work).
    This problem arises quite often and has lead to many relapses.

    So is there a way instead of depleting energy by fighting the urges,
    to transform them into energy and do something productive ?
    Of course I searched for "nofap transform urges" and read the stuff, but there is no real how-to do it (idiot-proof, step-by-step :p) ...

    I'd be really grateful for advice on this question.
    And have a nice weekend.
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2018
    david_green and Awakening123 like this.
  2. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

    Like you just said, distraction helps. You can go out for a random drive outside for sometime even when the weather is not so good. You meditate longer if you can't go outside and don't have anything to do at home. Thoughts of PMO always enter when you have nothing to do so maybe picking up a new hobby can help too. Good luck!
    wake_up likes this.
  3. wake_up

    wake_up Fapstronaut

    Ok, I try to ressurect this thread with a short update on what seems to work for me.
    I'm always open for suggestions and hopefully this thread will become some sort of a collection of methods how to deal with urges.

    First 3 basics, they are actually general nofap tips and help to prevent the urges in the first place.

    1. Get enough sleep
    That's plain simple, I relapse more often when I'm tired.
    Actually being well rested every day and avoiding being tired is now my first priority.

    2. Meditation
    Become a master of meditation and self awareness ;)
    I really like the mindfulness meditation recordings.
    UCLA has some good mp3s.

    3. More general: Avoid H.A.L.T.
    Much of that is covered here and in many other ressources.
    Like this
    Or in short: avoid H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) (also just google it)
    Angry and "stressed" are often the same in my case

    Organise your day, that these situations will be reduced, or never appear at least for the first months of your journey. It's not that easy but this will also in general increase your quality of life.
    It's like in this nice image

    Implementing this really helped me to reduce my relapses so I had my 2-3 week streaks.
    After getting sloppy with the basics my relapse counter did almost explode,
    now I'm back on track again in July and writing this.

    Some methods I use
    * An interesting quote is here, how to see the whole situation
    * Mark has also some intresting videos. Maybe I'm going in the next posts in more detail.

    *So with more awareness, I'm noticing that I'm sometimes even start to enjoy, when the urges hit.
    Like written here
    and here
    Embrace the urges:
    See it then like "Craving is the addiction leaving the body"
    "THIS IS YOU CHANGING FOR THE BETTER." And this is evidence that your body and brain are recovering to their natural state and getting stronger.
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2016
    david_green likes this.
  4. wake_up

    wake_up Fapstronaut

    I was ill last week, just didn't have any power left to fight and relapsed.
    But it felt different again. Something is changing ...
    Now I'm back on track and got a 10 day streak again, but quite strong urges hit constantly every day during the last week. It's like an anti-flatline. The difference is, that I'm not that much compelled to look at my usual P anymore (pics/psubs). Only the urges stay here.

    My current way of dealing with urges in this situation is to remind myself, that these urges/cravings are a good sign, that I'm healing. That way it's bearable, even if it's really uncomfortable and they don't go away for a while.

    Did anyone had something similar ?
    david_green likes this.
  5. Dudekidmanguy

    Dudekidmanguy Fapstronaut

    I never really thought of urges like that. I will change my mindset on them. Thanks for the indirect help. Lol
  6. red30

    red30 Fapstronaut

    I noticed some of the same things as yourself. Once you do not look at the pictures after a while their effect diminishes because, I believe, the brain is rewiring. However, I noticed that if I see pictures before the rewriting process is completed the cascade of neurotransmitters come back with a vengeance. That is why I follow a zero view policy from now on.

    As for the urges, I have them as well. Your brain was used to having them met quickly with some pictures/videos. The urges indicate that the brain is still fighting for the old way of life. The goal is to move forward from it until the brain rewires completely.
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2016
    wake_up likes this.
  7. tbird

    tbird Fapstronaut

    Treat it with some humor as well. Laugh at how ridiculous and kinda gross your PMO activities were. You can make the challenge easier by mentally transforming the hot babes (or dudes, depending on your bent) that you're viewing or thinking about into your grandma or grandpa, or a gross person that you know. See?
    blowfish111 likes this.
  8. wake_up

    wake_up Fapstronaut

    Ok, definitely I don't see my grandparents as ugly or gross and I always kept family members out of any potential fantasies. ;)
    But I get your general point. It will require some mental power. Thinking of people you find ugly really may impair the urges. It's a good tool to have.
  9. wake_up

    wake_up Fapstronaut

    So, I guess I need to make an update here.
    Many of the things in post #3 still are valid but they weren't helpful on their own.

    The one big thing which helps me at the moment is this (free) book here

    The point is to see the whole addiction from another perspective, where it's easy to dismiss the urges and the cravings just disappear after a while.
    I never imagined, that this would be possible !
    The advice from post #3 can be still helpful to speed up the process.
    david_green likes this.

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