How to get rid of the urge of wanting to be with a real girl?

ReclaimedLife

ReclaimedLife

Fapstronaut
Hi,

i made a post that was too long so i am going to the question directly.

How to not watch porn when you don't have any real girls in your life?

My urge to see and to have the feeling of having a beautiful naked girl close to me next to me is so much stronger that it overwrites the knowledge on how destructive porn is.
I am not even considering porn if i have a girl in my life, but since i havn't had that for over half a year now, my body starts to go nuts.

I really need some advice here
 
Last edited:
Great question! The way to do it is to fight this battle using the tools made specifically for fighting this particular battle. Here are the resources I use and suggest to others as well.




- Go to weekly SA meetings and find a sponsor there. To find one near you, go to https://www.sa.org/meetings/

- Do an internet search for CSAT office in your area (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist)

- Find an accountability partner if you don't already have one.

- Look for help online; There are sexual addiction recovery books, workbooks, self-help books, Youtube videos and MANY other things to help.

- Start a journal about your recovery.

- Put safeguards in place to help you stay sober. Think of your weaknesses and eliminate them.

- Do you take your phone (or any other device) into the bathroom with you and relapse because of it? Then make a rule to never take any electronic device into the bathroom with you, ever. NO EXCEPTIONS.

- Do you read erotic literature and relapse because of it? Make a rule to never read anything that could ever be found in that section of any bookstore ever.

- If you struggle with looking at internet porn or any other addictive material on the internet, get an internet filter to block that category type of website as well as any specific site you know you’re vulnerable to and give someone else the password to it. (Spouse, partner, AP, sponsor, etc.) Obviously, you should not have the password.
 
I like @Joe1023’s take. But I would also add that socializing is important.

Find a social circle to belong to. Join an improv comedy group, take dance classes, join a yoga class, bowling, karaoke, volunteer work, etc.

Facing SA can be isolating. It’s important that you find ways to stay connected to others. It will also give you more opportunities to meet someone that you could potentially start dating.
 
ReclaimedLife said:
Hi,

i made a post that was too long so i am going to the question directly.

How to not watch porn when you don't have any real girls in your life?

My urge to see and to have the feeling of having a beautiful naked girl close to me next to me is so much stronger that it overwrites the knowledge on how destructive porn is.
I am not even considering porn if i have a girl in my life, but since i havn't had that for over half a year now, my body starts to go nuts.

I really need some advice here
Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean since I am thinking about the same thing on almost a daily basis.
One of the key-factors to success while on hard-mode without relapsing is to keep improving yourself and your spiritual power. Simply because that will help you release the pressure from your genitals and transmute that energy into muscular power and other productive energies.
The more of a master of your own mind (and body) you become, the more energetic vibes will you give off and the more people will you attract. Especially people who are on your level and above.
 
You won't get a girlfriend, until you will be perfectly happy without one.
This is what many guys told me, and they were much wiser than I am.
(Of course there are people who have a lot of personal issues and still have a GF, but they are usually very good looking/lucky/devote a ton of time to dating).
 
Well maybe the urge isn't your enemy but just misdirected. Focus it on actively going out. Doing social things, sports etc. Invest in yourself and self improvement, your self esteem will go up and you'll be far more likely to get a girl. If you think of it that way, masturbation to porn will suddenly translate as energy being wasted that could be put into real life effort towards your real goal!
 
Anthony Hope said:
You won't get a girlfriend, until you will be perfectly happy without one.
Click to expand...

This is a great advice. and even if you do get one, she will be just as insecure and broken/lonely and it would only bring both of you more suffering at the end when the whole thing will fall apart.

TO answer to your question I think there are things you need to do from the inside and there are things you can do exeteranlly.

Internally

1. Meditate every morning/night
2. Modify diet - read Gandhi's diet while he took a vow of brahmacharya (celebicy for life) it consist mostly fruits and nuts
3. Modify sleep - avoid staying up late and get just enough rest no more
4. daily exercise - this will help you so much with your energy flow and make you feel good overal

Externally

1. Go to where other people hang out that you have something in common with - this can be the hardest because we are not used to it - but finding a group with common interest helps with loneliness - Loneliness is when we don't relate to people around us, and intimacy is when we can meet people who speak our language

2. Join an accountability group here - it has been super helpful for me
3. Pour your new found energy into something new - start a project that fires you up. Think of creating a new course on udemy or start a podcast or a youtube channel or something you really can get excited about which will take alot of your time, and do it for fun.

THe fact is if you really do what you need to do to advance your soul - your right partner will find you in due season - also remember the purpose of your life is not to get laid but to evolve - so put your focus on the main purpose and let the rest fall in to place on their own.

THink about it this way - imagine your evolved version who is well taken care of, self controlled, well spoken and have great social skills and zero neediness - how impossible it would be for you to be single for long.

Women are 10x more aware of body language, they can read you so fast. If you are truly free from the need to have them, they will come to you like bees go to honey, but if you are needy, desperate they can smell that too and they will always see you as the 2nd option because they are designed by nature to choose the man who is the most confident -non needy.
 
RightEffort said:
This is a great advice. and even if you do get one, she will be just as insecure and broken/lonely and it would only bring both of you more suffering at the end when the whole thing will fall apart.

TO answer to your question I think there are things you need to do from the inside and there are things you can do exeteranlly.

Internally

1. Meditate every morning/night
2. Modify diet - read Gandhi's diet while he took a vow of brahmacharya (celebicy for life) it consist mostly fruits and nuts
3. Modify sleep - avoid staying up late and get just enough rest no more
4. daily exercise - this will help you so much with your energy flow and make you feel good overal

Externally

1. Go to where other people hang out that you have something in common with - this can be the hardest because we are not used to it - but finding a group with common interest helps with loneliness - Loneliness is when we don't relate to people around us, and intimacy is when we can meet people who speak our language

2. Join an accountability group here - it has been super helpful for me
3. Pour your new found energy into something new - start a project that fires you up. Think of creating a new course on udemy or start a podcast or a youtube channel or something you really can get excited about which will take alot of your time, and do it for fun.

THe fact is if you really do what you need to do to advance your soul - your right partner will find you in due season - also remember the purpose of your life is not to get laid but to evolve - so put your focus on the main purpose and let the rest fall in to place on their own.

THink about it this way - imagine your evolved version who is well taken care of, self controlled, well spoken and have great social skills and zero neediness - how impossible it would be for you to be single for long.

Women are 10x more aware of body language, they can read you so fast. If you are truly free from the need to have them, they will come to you like bees go to honey, but if you are needy, desperate they can smell that too and they will always see you as the 2nd option because they are designed by nature to choose the man who is the most confident -non needy.
Click to expand...
This is some sound advice. Good Post!
 
Thanks for the replies everyone!

i am already signed up to dancing classes last year, starting on the 7th. January this year.
I am excercising 4=5 times per week with weight training every time and a cardio of between 30-40min every 1-2 weeks in addition to that.
I am trying to see all my friends as much as i can and try to reconnect with old friends as well, so i can leave the house whenever i can, i am usually out of the house once every day and seeing at least one of my friends on two or three days, if they would have more time, i would go see them every day.
I actually also have an appointment for my first improv comedy class on the 19th of january, funnily also set in stone before the suggestion.

And it doesnt feel like an addiction to me.
I was able to abstain from porn for around half a year without any problems, and while being with a girl short term, it was never forced and i never that this "urge" that i have to fk her 24/7. Just once a day made us both happy. I don't need more than that

Its just after i couldnt see her anymore that i stayed in contact but didnt watch porn for another 4 months.
And after she told me that we can never be together anymore, thats when i had the real relapse.
i bingewatched porn for 2 days at least 3-4 times per day, knowing how aweful it usually is for my psyche.

I miss the connection and the lying next to the girl part more then i miss the actual sex.
Not that i dont miss the Sex.
But having sex with someone i dont have any connection with just isnt my thing. There are a million other men out there who will gladly satisfy those urges.
Waking up to a girl that is still there on the next morning looking at you with a smile when you wake up...
I dont think i everr want to trade this for casual sex.
 
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