How to get your dating life back

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Quoll90, Apr 25, 2018.

  1. Quoll90

    Quoll90 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys

    I've been 200+ days in noFap so far, i'm very proud of my improvements, more energy, more willing-to-do attitude and problem solving skills, confidence. Everything is better (because it couldn't be worst than it was)

    But still there's something missing in my life, i'm 24 years old and i never had a girlfriend, i'm not virgin technically because i had sex with prostitutes, but i feel like I am. There's no satisfaction in paying for sex, the other person just gets the money and hopes that you finish as soon as possible, and i don't blame them. I felt ashamed after doing it, but i don't regret it because i was very embarassed when in high school some people made fun of me for being still virgin at age 18/19. It was terrible. During lesson a male friend of mine and three pretty female classmates where talking about the weirdest place where they had sex , their favourite position etc... I was seated with them and they asked me something related to that, and from my answer they clearly realised that i lied, so they found out i was still virgin and the girls laughed at me. That same day after school, in the afternoon, i visited an escort near my area, i paid €50, and that's how i've "lost my viginity".

    Before and after that my life was only about coming back from school and watching porn for about 30 to 60 minutes per session, sometimes having more session in a day. I started when i was 13/14 by masturbating on the calendars of famous models, like playboy, still on the internet. I didn't know i was harming myself until i found out about possible ED, so i tried to quit straight away. I was 20. After some ups and down i manged to win my battle () but now, after being lonley for a lifetime, the absence of a female touch in my life is destroying my self-esteem, expecially when i see other guys getting girls effortlessly, naturally, how it should be for everybody, but not for me.

    Is anybody in my same situation ?

    How do you cope with that ?

    Thanks guys
     
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  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    In the 200+ days on nofap and even before that.... what have you done to solve your problem of not having a girlfriend?

    How often do you meet new people? Where do you meet new people? How many times have you gotten rejected in the past month? How many dates have you been on in the past year? How many strangers have you met and talked to today?

    Are you actually doing anything about it or are you waiting around for something to happen and do all the work for you?

    Why do you believe dating is effortless and natural for everyone?

    I'm assuming your lack of success in dating is largely because of your lack of failure in dating. Lack of trying.
     
  3. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I can definitely relate to this. I did 240 days of nofap last year and felt great but there's still always that loneliness. I managed to date the girl I had a crush on for years but it didn't last long at all. I try to talk to girls regularly but I have never been in a relationship and am still a virgin. I'm 18 and have never kissed a girl. But I don't even care about that Im in good shape and present myself in a confident way but I can't seem to find anyone I like or when I do that likes me back. I just dont know any girls and I dont know how to meet any. Don't have any friends either. I have positive social interactions but they never go far. Theres so many people and everyone is constantly busy. Feel alienated and nobody can ever offer me any useful advice. All I can recommend is patience and persistence. All it takes is one.
     
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  4. TheTruthIsHidden

    TheTruthIsHidden Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys let's me tell you from a guy that has dated plenty of girls there is nothing special about it. No amount of females in your life is going to make you feel complete. He'll I wish I still was a virgin because girls will hurt your fr. Until you have a goal in your life whatever it may be anything and you stick to that and chase your dream you will never feel complete. This world Is not about how many women youve had or if you are a virgin or not it's about finding something you love and pursuing that dream until you die and girls will follow trust me. REMBER IN THE END WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE SO WHAT'S THE POINT IN WORRYING ABOUT LITTLE THINGS
     
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that wasn't a whole lot helpful was it? Why should this guy trust you, basically you told him, how you had your fair share of women interactions and you tell him not to worry about it cause we are all gonna die? If you're gonna die why'd you go even date women? I'm trying to say that there is an underlying issue OP is having and not worrying about it won't magically fix it. He should worry, he hasn't had any experience at this advanced age, which is some kind of a red flag within his character. I assume you said, that there is nothing special since you have not had a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Indeed it is hard to achieve such kind of relationship since both parties must put in a lot of effort about learning and understand each other. I would suggest to you OP - first think about of what your flaws are, and second start working on them. Try put yourself in social situations which can lead to dating and then date. Look at yourself and then look at the woman you are dating. Noone is perfect but try fit her and you in the vision you have for a good relationship. Do you fir in this vision? Does she? WhY? Are you both willing to set a goal to "fit"? Is it worth the compromise? Just food for thought.
     
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  6. TheTruthIsHidden

    TheTruthIsHidden Fapstronaut

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    I'm saying the guy isn't getting no where because he is too focused on it. Why should his focus in life to be about Girls if you put yourself down because of girls and worry about never having one you will never get one. What I'm saying is focus on yourself and your goals and they will follow
     
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  7. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    My life goal and focus is to get married and have kids. Not because that is what society expects but because that is what I want. I want to have a wife and children to love because that is what will bring me happiness. I don't think there is a better feeling than raising kids with a woman you love and are committed to. Sure I have other goals and aspirations but those are to further my goal to have a family and to be able to provide for those I care about. I have tried waiting for love but I'm getting impatient. I think a deliberate conscious effort towards finding a relationship is the only way it's going to happen for me. Tired of hearing it will happen eventually if you work on yourself and have your life together because I have and it hasn't.
     
  8. TheTruthIsHidden

    TheTruthIsHidden Fapstronaut

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    I understand what you mean man, is it that you have SA around women and it is hard to start conversations with them furthering your complication of getting someone?
     
    Mankrik likes this.
  9. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Nah I'm not bad at talking to girls and have been making an effort to do it regularly. I just havent met the right person yet. I dated my crush for awhile but it didn't work out. I have been trying to meet people since then but haven't found anyone cool and willing to open up. I did run into someone I like from awhile back today though and I think she's really sweet. I gave her my number and hope she texts me. Things may be looking up. I have faith that if I keep trying ill meet somone but it's been rough.
     
  10. Conspera

    Conspera Fapstronaut

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    You are definitely not alone. In fact I am in practically the same position sans the three figure NoFap count (good job!). I have a brother who has had FWB and hooked up, via online dating, bars/clubs, as well as some prostitute experiences, but lately he's been on a dry streak. I did complete a near 30 day challenge about six month ago, from which I got one date with a slightly thicker girl but nothing else panned out.

    Now I am restarting NoFap but I will admit it is hard to go from 0 to 100, and go out there actively to meet women sometimes. We give ourselves many excuses and stories that we don't have time, energy, or money to go out there, but all it takes is being in public. You don't need a perfect event or even a perfect approach. I will admit it can be hard when you see your friends succeed, but nowadays that shows me that it IS in fact possible.

    So don't give up. I sure won't. And if anything aim for at least one approach a week (my current goal, although I should strive to be more ambitious). Good luck!
     
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  11. immadothis

    immadothis Fapstronaut


    I will tell you short, first, 25 precent won't like you second, it is you vs you, ALWAYS, no one else will help you, third as last

    the girl is the cheryy on the cake and the cake is your life goals, vision, never see the girl as the cake, okay?, now you're ready, girls is a blessing so see god as number one, if you have religon
     
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  12. Quoll90

    Quoll90 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry for taking so long to reply, i've been very busy because i worked a lot and i was avoiding to watch screens as much as possible because they were giving me terrible headaches as i said in a previous thread.

    I see your point, i've been trying many things to improve my situation.

    Togheter with NoFap i started reading many books about seduction and how to attract women, i went out quite often recently just walking in the street/mall or at clubs at night trying to approach all the girls that i find attractive. Sometimes i get the numbers, sometimes we kiss on the dancefloor, but most of the time i get rejected. I still need to improve.

    I've also started taking cold showers to improve my testosterone naturally, and also is very important psycologically, "all the excuses you tell yourself in order to not step under the cold water are the same excuses you tell yourself everyday to not do something that scares you". This quote was very inspiring and helped me lot.

    In the past year i've been only on one date. I don't talk to strangers. I don't meet new people quite often. When i do i do it at work.

    Now that you make me think about it i have a dead social life and i don't have real friends. It's difficult for me to make new ones since the person who i thought was my best friend left me alone. I met many people during the journey of my life, colleagues at work or classmates when i was at uni, but they all ended up being just "people i know". I didn't find i real connection with them, or when i did, it wasn't the same for them. I miss having a mate with wich i could talk about everything.

    I don't live in my home country too, since one year and a half now, because there are no jobs opportunities there, i feel like i have no roots. My situation is kinda complicated.

    But yes i have to make an effort to change my situation ! How would you suggest me to meet new people, make new Friends and improve my life at 360 ?
     
    immadothis likes this.
  13. Quoll90

    Quoll90 Fapstronaut

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    Omg why is it written so big ?? Lool
     
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  14. zero2341

    zero2341 New Fapstronaut

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    Continue forward!
     
    Quoll90 likes this.
  15. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for my late reply also but im also very busyy at work. I can leave a more detailedanswer some point in the future
     
  16. SLaDe_WiLSoN

    SLaDe_WiLSoN New Fapstronaut

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    Your not alone
     

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