How to have healthy sexual relationship in marriage?

I got married in October.

This has been one of the most stressful years of my life.

Planning the wedding, my wife's panic attacks over the wedding, trying to find a place to live in a city with the lowest vacancy rate I've ever seen, a landlord trying to steal money and consulting with a lawyer to fix it, a workplace with no friends - or even friendly faces, no professional support while learning new content and procedures at work, no friends or life outside work, a surgery on my testicles, and now isolation while she works 50-hour weeks...stress brings back bad habits as I try to escape, and too much time at late hours or bored afternoons means I have started looking at porn again.

I feel we should be going at it like rabbits, no? But that's part of the problem: "we should..." like I have the thing set in my mind and if it's not the thing then it's not good enough!

How do you say what you need or desire when it comes to sex and intimacy?
What helps you get through hard times, and still have a relationship after?
How do you have a physical relationship when you are stressed out of your mind? Or when you hate your body?
How do you stop kicking the ever-loving shit out of yourself for every mistake, or for just existing?!

What do you do?