How to keep my partner happy during hardmode?

Is she understanding of hard mode?
I know some guys on here still have sex with their wives during recovery and seem to be okay whereas others seem to relapse frequently. My husband and I, in the beginning, just continued to be intimate. This severely slowed down his progress. Now, we only do it "as needed" which varies but isnt often. The longest we went was around 70 days. He is still working towards total abstinence on his part because after those 70 days, we were intimate, then again 2 weeks later and I believe the chaser effect got a hold of him (played a part, anyway. Not going to excuse it totally because he had become very complacent with his recovery) and he acted out yesterday.
I think it depends on the person and how bad their brains have been wired towards P. There is something called karezza that some people do and it seems to work for them. My advice would be to pay close attention to what happens directly following an intimate encounter with your SO for several days to see how it impacts you. If your cravings and/or urges get stronger afterwards, it could be an indication that abstaining totally for awhile would be beneficial.

 

That is awesome that he is supporting you on this journey. The opposite of addiction is connection, so being able to have that connection with someone is definitely a plus in recovery. It is also great news that he has no interest in P because of how the addict mind can work against your progress. If you were both struggling at the same time, or if you wanted to quit and he didn't, it would be that much harder to quit.

My husband is also the one that determines the "as needed" part. He does refrain from O as much as possible because it does slow down his progress.

I understand our situation isn't for everyone. My husband is trying to go the more spiritual route in his recovery where he takes away identification with his body for the purpose of enlightenment. I'm okay with not engaging in sexual activity so him choosing to abstain doesn't bother me.

I do think you're on the right path for recovery in terms of what is best for you and what is best for your relationship. Engaging in P is a selfish endeavor, so learning to give without receiving pleasure in return will help to rewire those aspects of the brain.

 

I think the decision to do hardmode is personal in every relationship, but if that is what you think is best for ur recovery then definitely stick to it. It sounds like what u have tried already worked great--focusing on giving your partner pleasure and building intimacy with them even without u being physically stimulated. To me the whole point of a reboot (and NoFap in general) in a relationship is to retrain ur brain to focus on real-life stimuli and intimacy/connection with another person. For some people that means having O with their partner, for some people it means no sexual contact at all. It sounds like what u are doing now and how it makes u feel during/after is healthy and beneficial. Just keep reassessing how it affects u and go from there!