How to make peace with the time wasted ?

deedr

deedr

Fapstronaut
Hi everyone!

I've been making a lot of progress this year, and recently with nofap. I am very grateful for this community. However, there is a feeling that arises when I fix something, the feeling that I wasted all these years until now. On the example of P, I've noticed a decade ago that it was not good for me, and I let it destroy my love and sex life up until now.

I know that the past is the past, that we cannot change it and we should focus on the present. But that idea doesn't seem to completely fix it for me. I am looking for some advices/ressources that would help me overcome this feeling. And hopefully would help also others who would read this post.

Thanks!
 
deedr said:
Hi everyone!

I've been making a lot of progress this year, and recently with nofap. I am very grateful for this community. However, there is a feeling that arises when I fix something, the feeling that I wasted all these years until now. On the example of P, I've noticed a decade ago that it was not good for me, and I let it destroy my love and sex life up until now.

I know that the past is the past, that we cannot change it and we should focus on the present. But that idea doesn't seem to completely fix it for me. I am looking for some advices/ressources that would help me overcome this feeling. And hopefully would help also others who would read this post.

Thanks!
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i think you dont want to make peace. why? because thats what drives you forward with fire
 
You mean Regret?

I can't say I'm prefect at letting go but one thing for sure, writing reflections daily, on Nofap or just even a distract-free writing app made me understand that, hey, maybe I wasn't perfect, and maybe people around me made me life worse, I had cope somehow,

so yeah that's one way

or I would listen to audiobooks or Memoirs, of anyone suffered and recovered from Trauma, I can relate with them, I got a lot of AHA moments just from listening, it's great. best of luck on your recovery!
 
What you do from here on out is entirely up to you. I'm glad that you've changed your views on pornography, though. Your future doesn't have to be a mirror of your past. You have the opportunity to make the changes that are necessary for you. I wish you all the best.
 
I would say forgiving yourself and practicing gratitude can go a long way. Another way is to shift your outlook. If you have learned important lessons through the choices you made, then the time wasn't ultimately wasted.

Sometimes we need stop, go outside, and touch grass. I think recovery is very much about managing our emotions and how much time we spend in fantasy. Tripping out about our past and future is precious time spent absorbed in fantasy land. We need to ditch it like we ditched the porn fantasy land.
 
Yeah, this has been a big topic for me too.
Maybe think of this: the fact that you are regretting it means that you have a better outlook than before on how things ought to be. You are out of of denial.
Regret is an emotion, so it can be experienced and processed without letting it take over.

In fact, excessive regrets/scruples is quite self-centered. "How could this happen to ME"... no judgment, like I said I've been there, and back.
It helps to think of bigger purposes, care about other people.
 
Sysifos said:
Yeah, this has been a big topic for me too.
Maybe think of this: the fact that you are regretting it means that you have a better outlook than before on how things ought to be. You are out of of denial.
Regret is an emotion, so it can be experienced and processed without letting it take over.

In fact, excessive regrets/scruples is quite self-centered. "How could this happen to ME"... no judgment, like I said I've been there, and back.
It helps to think of bigger purposes, care about other people.
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Woh, thanks. That self centered thing sounds very true. I need to absorb this
 
deedr said:
Woh, thanks. That self centered thing sounds very true. I need to absorb this
Click to expand...

I guess one could say it in a more positive way: Unwanted PMO use is a problem that lots of people run into, so there's no need to panic or live in shame.

The worst mistake is to make PMO a deep part of your identity, bc then you are going to continue even if you say you don't want to.
 
deedr said:
Hi everyone!

I've been making a lot of progress this year, and recently with nofap. I am very grateful for this community. However, there is a feeling that arises when I fix something, the feeling that I wasted all these years until now. On the example of P, I've noticed a decade ago that it was not good for me, and I let it destroy my love and sex life up until now.

I know that the past is the past, that we cannot change it and we should focus on the present. But that idea doesn't seem to completely fix it for me. I am looking for some advices/ressources that would help me overcome this feeling. And hopefully would help also others who would read this post.

Thanks!
Click to expand...
Better to admit that you suck for a season than to pretend you are good for a lifetime.

We learn bro, that is life. In 5 years you will find out about something else you wish you knew before. Be happy you learn it now and open your mind and heart for improvements in your life.
 
I totally understand the sentiment, but you have to realize that that specific thought is completely irrational. Nothing in nature moves backwards. It's like fighting gravity, its completely worthless. The time you have spent, good and bad, is lost completely. This is what sort of comforts me. It is all gone, even the time you don't regret wasting is in the same place. Ypu only have the here and now so its best to just focus on that.

If you get that feeling of regret, just recgonize it as absurd and move on as quickly as possible.
 
TerribleMess said:
I totally understand the sentiment, but you have to realize that that specific thought is completely irrational. Nothing in nature moves backwards. It's like fighting gravity, its completely worthless. The time you have spent, good and bad, is lost completely. This is what sort of comforts me. It is all gone, even the time you don't regret wasting is in the same place. Ypu only have the here and now so its best to just focus on that.

If you get that feeling of regret, just recgonize it as absurd and move on as quickly as possible.
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Nice!
 
Yo just move on and do best what you can now. All regrets of the past can be your fuel to make now what you wanted your past to be. As long as you breathe you can change all for the better. So do I. And so do any creature who breathes. We all participate in the same game. From crow and dog to human and allien
 
For me, I'm still at a point where acknowledging the amount of time (and life) I've wasted on porn addiction and compulsive sexual behaviours is one of the levers I'm using to get out of it.

I have notes on my phone, usually containing the word "waste" - where I've been laid low by a session, and I'll say "2 hours wasted, evening wasted, arm aching, feel like shit" I've got over a hundred of these. They are a more recent thing for me, and only when I have the sense to recognise after a session that I have wasted my time.

Strangely, none of them singularly - or as a whole were enough to make me want to change my behaviour. But on some level, I knew that even outside of all the implications of addiction the pure trade off of time I was making was shocking. As I became busier and busier in my life, bemoaning the lack of time I had - I couldn't ignore the gigantic black hole of time of my own creating.

For me, the wasted hours, days, weeks, months and years can only be fuel. Without having wasted them, and regretting doing so - I can't be where I am now looking to the future. Without this knowledge, I could waste the next decade of my life. With this knowledge I have a chance.

It's also likely you're feeling more emotions in general now you're rebooting and porn is not numbing you. The intensity of these emotions may vary over time as you process and live with them.

I think some combination of acceptance and reframing would be the most useful approach. Try to avoid rumination and focus on building a positive future!

All the best
 
iceteacrush said:
For me, I'm still at a point where acknowledging the amount of time (and life) I've wasted on porn addiction and compulsive sexual behaviours is one of the levers I'm using to get out of it.

I have notes on my phone, usually containing the word "waste" - where I've been laid low by a session, and I'll say "2 hours wasted, evening wasted, arm aching, feel like shit" I've got over a hundred of these. They are a more recent thing for me, and only when I have the sense to recognise after a session that I have wasted my time.

Strangely, none of them singularly - or as a whole were enough to make me want to change my behaviour. But on some level, I knew that even outside of all the implications of addiction the pure trade off of time I was making was shocking. As I became busier and busier in my life, bemoaning the lack of time I had - I couldn't ignore the gigantic black hole of time of my own creating.

For me, the wasted hours, days, weeks, months and years can only be fuel. Without having wasted them, and regretting doing so - I can't be where I am now looking to the future. Without this knowledge, I could waste the next decade of my life. With this knowledge I have a chance.

It's also likely you're feeling more emotions in general now you're rebooting and porn is not numbing you. The intensity of these emotions may vary over time as you process and live with them.

I think some combination of acceptance and reframing would be the most useful approach. Try to avoid rumination and focus on building a positive future!

All the best
Click to expand...

excellent post! couldnt have said it better myself :)
 
deedr said:
Hi everyone!

I've been making a lot of progress this year, and recently with nofap. I am very grateful for this community. However, there is a feeling that arises when I fix something, the feeling that I wasted all these years until now. On the example of P, I've noticed a decade ago that it was not good for me, and I let it destroy my love and sex life up until now.

I know that the past is the past, that we cannot change it and we should focus on the present. But that idea doesn't seem to completely fix it for me. I am looking for some advices/ressources that would help me overcome this feeling about Baddiehub. And hopefully would help also others who would read this post.

Thanks!
Click to expand...
Hi!

It’s great that you’re making progress with NoFap and appreciate this community. Feeling regret about the past is normal, but it’s important to focus on your current growth and future goals. Consider practicing self-compassion and reflective journaling to process these feelings. Therapy can also provide valuable insights. Remember, the past has shaped who you are, but it doesn’t define your future. Keep moving forward and setting new goals. You're on the right path, and every step counts!
 
Making peace with wasted time starts by shifting your focus to the present and future. Reflect on lessons learned, set meaningful goals, and use past experiences to fuel growth. Remember, every moment shapes who you are today. For more tips on personal growth, visit Baddiehuh.
 
I just focus on making sure I don't make the same mistakes anymore. I have no power to change the past no matter how much I wish. I can only control the present and what I do in the present will affect my Future.

So getting the present right is the only thing I focus and just knock off any thoughts of changing the past or regret.
 
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