How to manage guilt after seeing escorts?

First off. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You seem to see where it came from which is good! You understand that you probably went to porn to mask unaddressed emotions. You also could of went to porn to feel safe, loved, supported, good enough maybe for the first time. Maybe you weren't taught how to deal with and process uncomfortable , painful feelings.
So you used what you found that made you feel ok... Porn... We didn't know that porn would lead us to escalation like massage parlors or escorts. You were doing the best you could with what you knew how. So please be gentle.
The best way to let go of the guilt / shame is not allowing it to fester inside you. To tell someone you trust about your struggles. But the best absolute way to prevent the guilt is to stay away from it got good going forward.. you can't change the past. Acceptance is key.
Be gentle with yourself. Again , you did the best you could to survive then. But now that you know better, you can DO better .

 

Why do you feel guilty about seeing escorts?
The only time I felt guilty about escorts was because instead of using the time to better myself I was messing around with that time waste.
There was a point I got my life on track and was dating several women and having a good normal fun life.
Once or twice I stopped in the message parlor after a night at the bar because I just wanted to get some relief and go to McDonald's after.
If your sex drive is so high that you need to supplement with the occasional call girl that's ok.
It's when it becomes a way of life that it's destructive.

 

Yeah I'm sorry I think thats bullshit. It's not even illegal for the girl. It's illegal for you. It's a bullshit law anyways. She wants to be a sex worker. You want sex. That's a transaction the government has no right to be involved in. If she was being trafficked or pimped out against her will that's different. But there's nothing immoral about what you did despite what the law says. Are you sure that's what's bothering you? Did you feel this guilty when you get a speeding ticket?

 

I can appreciate that. My heads not particularly on right either. Frequently it's easier for us to see flaws in other people's logic rather than our own. I dont know what the right answer is. Just do your best

 

As an escort user for more than 30 years I would say the following:
1. The guilt you experience is a reflection of how you actually feel and is the means by which your behaviour is kept in check. A little guilt is a good thing to harbour. Use the guilt to drive more positive thoughts and behaviours and try not to worry - especially if you have been escort free for years. Look at that as a bad phase in your life which you are now over. As a comparison, I feel very little guilt after years of escort action and i try to engineer guilt sensations to help me keep off that path.
2. I think you said you were 25yo. Don't let escort addiction stay with you - drive it out while you're young or it will stay with you for ever. I wish I had developed my desires to avoid escorts sooner - I indulged for decades and developed a sense that it was OK - my ability to feel guilt was eroded. So now, without my guilt, I find it harder to resist.
You are doing the right thing to keep analysing your emotions, judging what's right and sticking to it.
Best wishes

 

He want to be a drug lord. you want to be drudged. government should let you alone.

 

Putting money on a sex worker's table is your own, personal fuck up in life. You have to deal with the memory, the shame, the divorce (if your partner finds out- if you even have one) and, God forbid, the HIV. It's a problem that deserves to fester in a man's heart forever. Jail isn't suitable for such crimes. You're paying for your mistakes right now. This is atonement.

 

Correct. If you want to smoke weed, get high that is up to you. I don't take drugs or drink anymore.
People are allowed to smoke, eat unhealthy food, sky dive. All which are dangerous.
Your body, your choice.

 

Don't. That sense of guilt is helping you. Imagine how amazing you will feel when none of your actions leave you feeling hypocritical.

Feeling guilty about breaking the law is a good idea, breaking the law is a dagerous passtime. The second half I really resonate with. I agree with you that escorting contributes to someone's "personal scars". I feel that same way about actresses in porn.

This is where I would urge you to spend more time. This is amazing. That is over two years ago! I never used prostitutes/escorts. Partly that was because I was afraid of breaking the law, but I think a large part of it was because I knew that was an behaviour (an addiction) that I would not recover from. It would have ruined me. But you stopped; you saw that it was wrong and despite enormous temptation you stopped. That's inspirational. Do not forget to celebrate that and to allow yourself to congratulate yourself.

Another thing to celebrate. You are committed to becoming the man you can be proud of. The fact that you stopped seeing escorts speaks volumes. I feel sure you can win against your pornography problem too. It is hard though (nearly impossible!) but you've proved that you can do the impossible. You just need to do it again ;-) Is there a way you can piggy-back porn sobriety on top of your escort-sobriety? Use similar techniques?

Be careful about the 'volunteering opportunities' that they do not serve to keep you close to the things that you are trying to avoid.

Try it. If you turned yourself in what do you think the police would say or do? I suspect nothing. They'd have no actual proof beyond your own statement. I could be wrong but I suspect they would tell you off, make you uncomfortable, and send you on your way.

You need to do the work. Find what triggers the pain and the need to hide. Recognise the situations, find things to do instead (get outside, write a journal post, phone your mum, ...) We're all struggling with the same issue.

You've got this.

 

not trying to start anything but there are rules against making these discussion about religion(unless prompted by the op).