How to not get attached to people?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by EndureTheStruggle, Oct 6, 2020.

  1. So I'm a pretty lonely lad. I've got 1 or 2 friends in real life and a couple online. Thing is with online friendships I often feel attached because I've invested time and effort but most of them always end prematurely. It always ends with the other person not contacting me or ignoring me. I was really hurt by one of the first serious online friendships I had because I invested time, money and effort and it was all a waste. Same thing with friends in real life from high school and university. I was used merely for study help and then they ended up ghosting me. As a result I'm sceptical. That being said I still feel attached to a few of the current friends I have online. I know that they'd probably end up doing the same like the previous "friends" yet I can't help it. Is there anything I can do to not feel attached? I don't want to be hurt. Not again.
     
    GeeJ likes this.
  2. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    if you dont want to be hurt,

    you have to hide your heart,

    lock it in a chest,

    close it, and bury it deep,

    you will find that your heart will harden over time,

    you will become like a machine,

    unhurtable, undamagable.

    but is that the answer?

    god says: you shall love,

    wether you like it or not,

    to love is to run the risk of failure,

    the risk of betrayal,

    if you feel your love has died,

    it might have developed into something higher,

    something beyond yourself.

    as for feelings of attachments,

    study the psychology of codependence,

    view some videos of arron doughty,

    you will find the answers there.

    the remedy to that is to understand that you are whole and complete on yourself already.

    no one and nothing from the outside can fulfill you.
     
  3. Thanks for the reply. That's the thing, I feel emotionless now. I do feel independent but lonely at the same time since I barely have any friends and those that I do have I'm sceptical of. Do you mean the stop chasing love playlist by Arron Doughty?
     
  4. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    Hello.

    So the feeling of attachment is a natural human response to socializing but the problem is the same no matter where you look. People using the internet as a surrogate medium to facilitate socialization is a corrupt procedure that causes dysfunction.

    There will be many people reluctant to admit this or who want to explain how the internet facilitates interaction but this sentiment is now dated and provably false. The fact is simple: the internet is not a suitable surrogate for socialization. There are no online friends, there is literally no such thing. Being stimulated through a screen (regardless of it is by a person, it is by the screen and the A-V stimuli) is a major cause of the dysfunction that is the real pandemic here.
     
    Roady, Anemos and matt2k12 like this.
  5. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    Pursuant to this, if you feel you are skeptical of your friends, especially your so called online friends, then just focus on your life in-situ. Your body. Your organic being is you, not the ego in the mind in the brain, in conflict with the true self (the body).

    idk, i picked that up from meme analysis channel on YT, he's pretty clever. It's a nice way to look at how you can change your perspective (body over mind). So when you stimulate your mind only, you're doing nothing, literally nothing. That's not to say you should not read or something, but your body is what your mind was given some duality here with your mind being what your body was given it is both.
     
  6. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Online friendships are no substitute for face to face friendships. Face to face friendships are a pain in the ass but something we need. The internet can be a great complement to making friends face to face. I came into the internet because I wanted to hide from the world and not face the pain of reality.

    A thought is coming to my mind. Put the time, money and effort into making friends and expect nothing in return. Friends come and go, the experiences had with them will remain. Treasure them.
     
  7. lwyrup

    lwyrup Fapstronaut

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    well said :emoji_clap::emoji_clap:
     
  8. We gon make it

    We gon make it New Fapstronaut

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    Hi
    I can really relate to your story man. I would suggest that you find a local Church where they preach Jesus Christ is Lord and really get involved. You will find brothers and sisters there that will love you and embrace you just the way you are. God loves you and is with you,That is all that matters.

    Cheers
     
    Roady likes this.
  9. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    It is a difficult skill indeed, to
    1. Understand where one should Invest Emotions and allow Attachment to sprout.
    2. Have control over one self to execute according to 1. It should come with the practice of weighing Practicality over Emotional Flooding.
    3. Being able to move on after failure in a relationship.


    It is however completely worth to Put in a great amount of work into developing these skills. Totally worth it.

    Now these are just the Results we want. Mechanisms of obtaining these will differ with people. That’s where the creativity lies ;) in developing these Mechanisms.
     

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