How to overcome heartbreak

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by DaddyFatSac, Dec 22, 2018.

  1. DaddyFatSac

    DaddyFatSac Fapstronaut

    I recently made the choice to fall in love with a girl that didn’t love me back. It was heartbreaking and painful that she didn’t want to commit so I said good bye and cut off all communication. I understand that the best way to get over heartbreak is to spend time with people that love you, exercise and build up your confidence, and pursuing hobbies that you’re passionate about. But it’s not enough. At the end of the night when all has been done and I’m alone, it all floods back. I dream about her and I’ve noticed that I can barely get a sufficient amount of sleep. What do I do? Do I wait it out and just hope that every day will become easier?
  2. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

    This sounds like exactly what I went through earlier this year. And I wondered exactly the same thing and found there were no easy answers. I tried to throw myself back into dating, but it didn't really help me, other than to provide a distraction when I had new people to chat to. I tried everything I could to switch that part of my brain off, and failed every time.

    Ultimately for me it was only time that healed it. Even after 6 months it didn't feel like things were getting any easier and she was always in my head, but finally a few weeks ago at the 8/9 month mark I felt much better and was no longer bombarded with thoughts of her. If anyone else has any tips for how they got over someone I would also like to hear them.
    DaddyFatSac likes this.
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Every time something important in my life went away, whether it was a relationship, career, or circle of friends, I created a new identity. New activities and passions. Trying new things. Growing in different ways.

    On a long enough timeline, everything in our lives is eventually lost. Happiness is not preventing those losses. It’s making the most of it during its lifespan and learning to adapt to the losses.

    Yes, it's difficult and painful whenever you lose something or someone important, but it's even harder when you do nothing and resist the fact that it's over.

    It's easy to think that your life is over and that you'll never find anybody else again. Your life becomes very myopic. You become an idle creature that feeds off the constant thoughts of the loss. It takes effort to interrupt those thought patterns and steer yourself into a positive direction. It's easier to wallow in self pity and be a victim than to actually pick yourself up and create a new life for yourself.

    In terms of relationships, whenever I lost someone, I was always able to meet someone just as good (in a different way) or better. It's about giving other people and opportunities a chance rather than holding on to the false belief that only one specific person can ever be good enough.

    The heartbreak will only be as long as you resist allowing yourself to experience new people.
    Arkos, SpoonDog and DaddyFatSac like this.
  4. going up

    going up Fapstronaut

    we have all agreed to come here now. earth 2018. to play parts in each others dramas. to pay a little karmic debt. perhaps to pay it all. or to get a few last licks in. to eat some ice cream. to get our t-shirts. to forgive is the opportunity that nets the best outcome. understanding helps, but the pain is acute. savor it. viva the revolution. be here/now. whatever wakes us up. be un dosed. be un medicated. come out of the spells. witness the expansion of human consciousness personally. large things are happening now. hold a higher level for the good of us all. stand wide eyed in the dark as well as in the light. "judge nothing. be helpful. humanity is rebirthing now. : )
  5. Arkos

    Arkos Fapstronaut

    Beautifully said Elevate. After my heartbreak I spent so long imagining that I could go back rather than forward, that I could somehow resurrect the relationship that had been lost if I only did the right thing and figured it out. Like you said, I wallowed in self pity rather than creating a new life, and didn't give people a chance, even when they reached out to me, and instead believed that only that one person could ever be good enough. You are right, those are all mistakes, and prevent you from moving on, from living life, from giving to others, and from being happy. It's easier, but it doesn't do anything. Thank you for expressing it so well.

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