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How to prevent inappropriate obsession. Advice requested.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by TMustStopPornConsumption, Oct 13, 2021.

  1. Fellow NoFap'ers. I am a 59yo male never been in a long term relationship. No children. I started taking swing dance lessons about six weeks ago. Lessons are by group. I chose to learn the "follow" role rather than "lead" role. Considering I'm attracted to WOMEN, this has limited my dance partners. One lady chose to learn the lead role during my first lesson. We have danced several times since then and I always enjoy it. She is maybe about 25yo. There are only 2 other lady's in the entire club that I know can lead. This excludes instructors.
    I have already made one attempt at conversation just with the young lady, D-, and it was okay. The environment is noisy which causes me some focus issues. Talking with D- will tamp down my obsession. I already know this. What more do I need to know and find out ?
     
  2. Answering myself... I met a new lady tonight who is not an instructor but able to lead. This is very good. I had brief conversations with a couple of the other students in my class. (NAMES ?! Brain fail.) Okay there's An---. I DID get to dance with Do--- twice. Both times wonderful and I no longer feel obsessed, just interested in her. We had little to no time to converse. She wore a nice dress I had not seen her in before and complimented her.
     
    Reborn66 and Krishna Das like this.
  3. Update and continuing to answer myself. The young lady Do--- was at the dance again last night. We sit at different tables since we are in different classes. Kept watching her for a chance to dance and she came to me and asked. On impulse I said "YES, but can we talk a minute first ?" She said sure. I asked her how her week was. Got to know her a BIT better. Turns out she IS an Aerospace Engineer ! (Fuck me!). She's from St.Louis and has been working at - for about 5 months I think. She danced in college ?, I think. We had 2 or 3 dances. Would have been nice to talk with her more but I'm satisfied it did not get weird. We will talk again and that will keep it real.
     
    Krishna Das and DeeJ4y like this.
  4. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Nothing to add, just similar experience to share. I enjoy yoga classes, but being surrounded by beautiful young women in tight revealing clothing can be tricky for me, a porn addict. I find that getting to know each person really helps. Actually I don't need to know about their lives, just their yoga journey. Then when one catches my eye my brain is thinking things like "Great, she's finally cracked wheel pose" or "Wow, how can she hold boat pose, she must have amazing hip flexors, I must work on that" etc. i.e. specific generous hearted things about their and my yoga journeys.
     
    Reborn66 and Krishna Das like this.
  5. Thanks kropo82. I suppose the dancing equivalent would be commenting/complimenting on their dancing style and ability. I still don't know swing dance vocabulary very well. Also this update: Dor--- no longer asks me to dance since I apparently made her uncomfortable with some bs that slipped out of my mouth after our last dance. I apologized to her for saying something potentially insulting by mistake and asked if we would ever dance again. (Yes, I'm that needy.) She said "let's give it a few weeks". That was maybe 3 weeks ago but not 3 dances ago. I am TRYING to move on.
     
    war Survivor likes this.
  6. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

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    I think its great that you have taken the initiative to take dance lessons. However, I do recommend that you start to learn the lead role, you will enjoy it more and likely will attract more women. Is there a reason you chose the follow role?
     
  7. So one of the things the instructors tell us is that lead and follow roles are NOT gender specific. I am still taking lessons every week and lately it's been about two leads for every follow. Why the original choice to learn follow ? Don't really know but Doro---- was the only lady learning lead in my same class the first two months. When we danced together, I felt her progressing and challenging me physically. My feelings (fuckin feelings!) reached the point where I had to say SOMETHING to her. Told her it was the highlight of my week dancing with her and pointed out that as a leader (and follower) she could dance with anyone in the club. This is while I was limited to two other ladies that could lead.
    She informed me that she "only dates women.". I felt relieved but went off script and what I said next made her uncomfortable with asking me to dance again. That was late November. I haven't seen her since mid December.
    I hope to start learning Lead next month. Even if it's mostly with instructors or solo.
     

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