How to return to normal intimacy? Ladies?

Time time and time, and lots of healing for both of you. That's the only thing I can say. We've all been there. The triggers and flashbacks are horrible. I couldn't even sleep or eat some time ago, because of them. Now it got better, but I'm working HARD on my own therapy and so is he. I know what you are feeling exactly, but give it time and dedicate this sexless time to healing. Don't worry so much about how much sex you're having right now. Trust me on this one ;-) You have a bigger fish to fry - BETRAYAL TRAUMA. That one is a bitch. It put me nearly in the hospital. Thankfully I'm healing and things are getting better, but we are 6 months into this journey. I don't want to scare you, but 30 days in... you might see things get worse before they get better, but maybe not, it depends.

 

That's a tough one. You may never get past those certain acts and be able to do those again. But then again, with time and healing you may. These are things that are very individual and can really only be answered by the future you. Healing and forgiveness doesn't mean things will go back to the way things were and this journey takes a lot longer than we initially think it's going to. Give it some time.

I found myself in the exact same situation as you and I can tell you that there are certain things that I will absolutely never do again. Ever. And there is one or two things that I may do again down the road, but it will take time and a lot of work on both of our parts, mostly his, if I'm being honest. My heart just doesn't trust him not to break it right now. So we will see.

After learning for myself that those acts were things he particularly enjoyed to watch in porn, i came to the realization that he was not watching it as a filler for when we weren't together, rather for years I was the warm body to fulfill the fantasy that he normally fapped to. That was a dagger. He doesn't know I know this any of this, I'm just working through it on my own for the time being.

 

Now @EyesWideOpen i do not know your situation so please forgive me for my question/comment.
But wouldn't that (text I quoted) make you feel good? That he chose you to act out those fantasy's?
Now I'm only asking my question based on that quote and that quote alone.
I'm not trying to be rude/not compassionate please understand that.

 

You haven't upset me at all. The reason why his actions are offensive is because he was not treating me as his wife. He was in addict mode, trying to bring his porn mistress to life. He was using my body as the vessel to get himself off on his fantasies but he was not connecting with me. It was mindless and emotionless, just like when he was PMOing.

I hope that makes sense.

 

Nobody enjoys feeling like nothing more than a masturbatory aid.

 

Based on those statements there, I understand much better. Ya no one wants to feel used. Thank you for sharing that. Sorry for taking away from original post.