How to solve this problem, please help!

The mental urge is from dopamine withdrawal. Days 1-30 are the hardest for most of people. Most addicts fall off the wagon within 30 days because the withdrawals are so hard. Kudos to making it to day 20. That’s not easy. Even if you are not interested in sex until marriage (which is for the best anyway) you can still date women some. Dating is a good reminder that women are real people who have feelings, hopes, and dreams and that we should not be objectifying them via porn in order to gratify our selves.

 

Hi @Black_Knight 1998,
I would urge you to go through the experience of a Chinese fapstronaut by the name Soaring eagle. Another user @HMHU has translated his Nofap journey and learnings in English. There is a lot to learn from his experience on a vast array of topics. He talks about marriage as well. To skip and get to the point you may just want to search for the term marriage on the page https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/6-years-clean-rebooting-as-the-best-remedy.135983/

I hope it helps.

I have wasted more than a decade MOing and sometimes watching porn. I wasted myself in the process, to be precise. Anyways, I am leaving PMO for better.

That day would surely come when you would have the life partner who is best for you.

Hang on, keep fighting this addiction!

 

I believe that we all have the sexual nature in us in varying degree. Sometimes it is you who control your mind. Other times it is the surrounding that controls and dictates this nature and degree of this urge.

As our brain re-wires, it takes its natural course. Porn is not natural, hence you are hating it and thinking about yourself having sex with real women instead. As you start to engage yourself in various activity, you would start getting that dopamine kick with those activities too. It is just a matter of hanging on to the process, with patience and perseverance.

 

Good Luck!

 

You might want to focus on one issue at a time, I try to do that and honestly I ignore a lot of so called problems as I do my main "problem" if how do I stay sober (not have to use pm+as a drug) today. And your original question in your original post is definitely relevant to that, "how to deal with strong urges"
All I can reasonably do is share what I do and whether it works. What I do with strong mental urges (which you're right to focus on, out problem is not between our legs it's between our ears) is a bunch of stuff. I call another sober pm+ addict and talk about what's going through my head to disidentify with it, to get to a place where I don't have to believe that's me wanting that. I consciously give up my right to think selfishly about sex, we all have that right and I used it a lot until I finally noticed that it wasn't nearly as fun as I thought it was so I give it up. I cultivate positive wishes for anyone involved in the fantasies that come unbidden to my mind: the people I'm triggered by or think I want to have sex with, the people connected to them in life such as their family who love them, if it's fictional I send all good things to the people who drew it or thought it up or on whom it was based, on me the guy who is saddled with something he can't handle, anyone I can think of really. Another thing that helps get me out of my self is to try to help others. It turns out helping others helps me more than trying to help myself does. Besides I tended to help myself to healing helpings of selfishness about sex

 

What are you gonna do to not relapse again?
What actions will you take?
What are you gonna do when you have those urges?