How to stop looking at girls?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Megasameru, Dec 19, 2017.

  1. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Sorry if im posting too much, I use the forum more as a diary to record my feelings. Im at 10th day no MO and I cant stop looking at girls at the street or at social media. I remember it was WAY easier the first times, but now I just turn around to check every single girl I think is decent looking. I also suffer OCD so I think I ended up turning it to a habit ritual, like I feel the need to check her even if I dont find her attractive. I tell myself everytime im about going out "you dont need it, just stop doing it and you'll eventually feel better, stop staring" but I then found myself CONSCIOUSLY turning to stare, or slowing or speeding my steps to look at a girl closer, even changing my route to "chase" (not really getting far from my route, It's always equally convenient), or trying to make them look at me. I really dont want it but I cant help it. I need some advice,
     
  2. Sunshadow

    Sunshadow Distinguished Fapstronaut

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  3. Funkypunky

    Funkypunky Fapstronaut

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  4. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Im not able to read the whole 200 messages of the thread, but basically isnt she saying oggling is ok? I want to stop oggling because i believe it is harmful. If the subject changes within the thread, let me know so I can go straight to the point, I dont want to read 199 messages to find the 1 important. Thank you very much for your advice and i'll read it through as soon as i can !

    Dont take it personally, if he doesnt feel youve provided a helpful resource he is in his right to say it, after all thats his suggestion!! I'll take both, thank you.
     
  5. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Definitely will take the time to read it. Im not sure about it as an incentive to stop doing because basically I'll may be telling myself Im a terrible person for making them feel that way, and that's not as productive as telling myself i should stop because thats the right thing to do and I'll feel better. Will read it anyway, its nice to have the female perspective to know how we affect them with our issues.
     
  6. There is nothing wrong with simply looking. Anything more than simple looking then becomes an issue. If a girl doesn't want you to look, she can wear more concealing clothes, or eat McDonald's for a year.

    Admire beauty. Don't be weird about it though.
     
  7. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Uhm I dont think thats correct, girls shouldnt be making changes in themselves just for stopping guys from looking at them wanting to fuck them, because, lets be honest to ourselves, most of thr time we stare at beautiful girls we want to fuck them, no matter how much we try to deny it. We may be able to admire beauty platonically, but mostly we're not. The change is in ourselves, we should stop staring.
     
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  8. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    I make it a point to not look at someone attractive beyond the initial glance because of how it may be taken on the other side, in fact they would have to initiate conversation with me or it would never happen. I am aware of how it may trigger them and I don't enjoy being thought of as a possible creep or even worse. My experience might not be 'ogling' but possibly more along the lines of they're so beautiful that it even kind of make me want to cry a little, but they wouldn't know that and may think of it as totally negative. Even saying this much online may result in misinterpretation but I'm speaking for myself and not to a woman, in this day and age misunderstanding with this matter may be next to unavoidable and I don't care to get caught in the thicket of peoples projections who may literally never change their mind because of trauma. I'm just replying to the OP here.
     
    Sunshadow likes this.
  9. I think the solution is in the middle of the spectrum.

    The two extremes are either staring mercilessly at a girl, or holding yourself back from acknowledging their presence at all.

    If you stare creepily at a girl's body who you never met, that's rightfully an uncomfortable situation. You probably should get peppersprayed.

    However, if you try to hold yourself back at all costs, you are the definition of a beta cuck, and people probably walk over you. You probably will let your wife sleep with other guys in front of you so you don't "hurt her feelings".
     
  10. Good to hear, I like that.

    So let's see....how would you differentiate a well dressed lady who wants to be admired from a well dressed lady who doesn't?

    Also, you guys need to separate looking from ogling in your minds.
     
    Sunshadow likes this.
  11. SpartanViking

    SpartanViking Fapstronaut

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    Hello @Megasameru

    I am going to try to give my two cents. The first thing I will say is that what you are doing is not good. In order to understand how to stop doing it, you must understand why you are doing it:

    Giving a first unconscious glance, scanning the woman's body is a default behaviour, and is as good today as it was in the past. For milenia, our ancestors have been using it in order to find fertility traits in the woman's body that will help him to choose the right woman.
    This unconscious glance occurs wether if the woman is nude, wearing tight clothes or wearing loose cloths (in this last case, the scan is more fast). After this first glance, we don't need to continue staring at her breast-waist ratio or at her ration-hip ratio. We already have the information we were looking for; we know wether she is fertile or not, we know (at an unconscious level) wether if we want to procreate with her or not. So, after that first glance, we will look at her face in general, her eyes in particular; if she is facing other direction, we will look her hair.

    Extra information: I think that is even possible that only looking at the face we will get all the health/fertility information that our ancestors got by looking at the body. I think this because we have been using loose clothes (clothes that not allow looking at the body) for so many time that woman have become more beautiful than in the past, in some way they have managed to express their fertility traits in the face. In an equivalent way, men have done the same. Obviously, in recent decades woman wear tight clothes, which is a bad thing: being nude is very good; wearing loose clothes is good but makes the body somehow a taboo (we must wear it because it is the custom); wearing tight clothes sexuallizes the taboo.​

    Now you know why you are glancing at women, and how your default settings make you do it. Now, what you are doing (as you described in your post) is a corrupted version of this.

    What are the reasons?

    I think is this:
    I don't know if it is a mispelling, but for what you say you only are abstaining from Masturbation and Orgasm, while you continue watching Porn. While this is maintained, your mind will recognize women as sexual objects and you will continue experiencing those urges to stare at them. Also, the OCD has its root in porn, as well as masturbation (drains the cells of your brain and you become unable to think properly). So, live free of PMO and those anormal urges will fade out in due time.

    Advices on how to walk on the street:


    In general, be mindful of the street, be calm and relaxed (though alert). When women crosses you on the street, don't try to avoid to look at them (this is forced and unnatural). Look at her in general, without losing focus on the street ahead of you. When she is near you at that point surely you have already made the unconscious fertility scan, so you can simply look at her eyes with simply a recognition of her presence. If she is ahead of you, walking on the same direction, you just look at her as part of the general street view.
    That may be something to achieve at the long term. At the short term, while rebooting, you may want to follow the example of monks and stare to the floor or to another direction when a woman "intersects" with you. But this is a short term solution.

    Regards,
    SpartanViking
     
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  12. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @SpartanViking !! This has been very useful. I understand that cause, but I believe that if I have a girlfriend who I plan to have children with, I should set my mind to not to check other ladies fertility, even if it takes me ten more generations.
    The face as a substitute of the body beauty is very interesting!! Never thought about that and it makes perfect sense.
    Nonono, I actually said it that way because Im in my 10th day of nofap, but in the 3rd day or so I searched some porn so I reseted the PMO counter, but i dont watch anymore oorn for sure!!

    Your advice has been really helpful, thanks dude!!
     
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  13. Dunrobin

    Dunrobin Fapstronaut

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    Look at cars, birds, trees, architecture, clouds, flowers, shops, <insert anything else that's not a woman's body>

    Your brain deserves a rest, you might notice something new and one day you might notice women looking at you being a better version of you :)
     
    Hitto, Megasameru and SpartanViking like this.
  14. Are you also staring at their boobs? Or show them that you check them out. Girls usually don’t like this when it’s offensive.
     
  15. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Not really, if I look at the body its mostly the butt, but when I see an atractive one and cant see the face I try to get to a position where I can see the face and tell if she's cute. Thats what I mean with "chasing", I dont want it to be interpreted as Im trying to figure where they live or something, I just change my usual route for seeing her well or make myself notice.
     
  16. Do they react? I have a lot of guys starring. So,e are ok some are creepy
     
  17. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Well often they dont react at all (actually the times i was at nofap and able to watch them more gently they would smile at me) but I dont think they feel uncomfortable. The times they do I try to quit.
    Girls smiling at me was a really boost up of self steem, I couldnt believe it even happened
     
  18. So I think you are totally fine and in the greeen
     
  19. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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    Anyway, though I should consider how women feel when I look at them, I do this for me and my girlfriend, and stop staring at girls is a big step to build my person, because I want to have children with her and only her, so even if women like the way I look at them, it seems to be wrong to me. Thanks for your advice!! Its great to know im in the fine spectrum.
     
  20. If you have a gf even better envy you
     

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