How to stop objectifying women?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by crazyhorse11, Aug 19, 2020.

  1. crazyhorse11

    crazyhorse11 Fapstronaut

    107
    563
    93
    So I am on Day 108 no P and staying with the loneliness to get at what lies beyond it. What is tripping me up is objectification. Brainwashed in being unable to see beyond the superficial. This leads to me going to an escort once every 3-4 months. I feel if I could understand the true nature of objectification I would be able to stop this, achieve self confidence alone, and then if it is meant to be, find a true life partner.

    So question I have for you is what is your view on objectifying, and I don't mean the default feminist response, but really as men why do we objectify and how do we get beyond it?

    The web is surprisingly sparse in this department but if you have any clips etc.. that help, please post in your reply.

    Many thanks kind sirs.
     
  2. Bethelightinmyheart

    Bethelightinmyheart Fapstronaut

    129
    437
    63
    We "objectify" as a part of our instinctual mating strategy: we automatically assume a hotter, more fit 22 year old girl is a better choice genetically then someone who is not as good looking, or obese, old, for instance.

    It is just a part of our DNA-makeup, part of our mating strategy at many levels: from evolutionary to the social proof of having a much hotter girl then many others would pull off.

    I see absoluletly nothing wrong in objectifying women, so can't really help you out on this one.
     
  3. Objectification in my opinion has nothing to do with a mating strategy. The thing you describe is rather attraction @Bethelightinmyheart. Furthermore, attraction does differenciate quite a lot between cultures and in our past. In many native societies nowadays, thick women are still the preferred partners because they are seen as being healthy. Only since food has become always available to us these views changed in our society.

    Objectification in my opinion is a lack of empathy towards a group of people either because of their gender, religion, culture and so on. You can objectify everyone. During colonialism Europe objectifed the rest of the world, Nazis objectified Jews, the KKK objectified African-American and sadly men sometimes objectify women and vice versa.

    I think there can be many reasons to develop an objectification - often trauma or parenting - towards a group. Nevertheless, I think it is an unhealthy behavior and needs work towards betterment.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2020
  4. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

    273
    354
    63
    @tavla brins up some good points, especially about the lack of empathy.

    Porn, advertising, misogyny and other cultural influences have reinforced the objectification of women and the commodification of their bodies.

    You have to see beyond the physical and sexual. There's a personality, a mind, hopes, dreams, fears, thoughts and a soul in there.
     
  5. Bethelightinmyheart

    Bethelightinmyheart Fapstronaut

    129
    437
    63
    Oh, I did not know I had to account for every society and tribe in the world.

    It was obviously coming from a perspective of western societ and the social world we abide to, and in this world being fat is not anything positive (neither is it healthy for any human being to be so)
     
    tavla likes this.
  6. No worries, well that's why I am here for mate... ;)
     
    Oldmanblues likes this.
  7. Raven King

    Raven King Fapstronaut

    Start seeing women as mothers or sisters, instead of potential sex partners. When you feel inclined to objectify a women, tell yourself that she is someones mother, sister, daughter, etc, not an object. Make female friends. You will find that they are not so different from yourself. The problem with us as PMO addicts is that we have consumed so much lies that we believe they are only objects for our pleasure, not human beings with thoughts, feelings and lives of their own.
     
  8. RiseToGreatness

    RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

    3,695
    14,270
    143
    good post brother ;). i reply to you in the Fellowship thread.

    anyways about your question:

    i think sexual atraction naturally brings some objetification. but it´s up to us, or own moral values, that draws a line between a natural innocent atraction that envolves checking out somebody, and a continuous lust atraction that reduces womans to objects. that´s extremely degradating and PMO reinforces that.

    the good news is that you don´t need to do anything specific about objetification :).
    do the reboot, stay away from all kinds of lust (prostitution included ;) ), and you naturally will start seeing woman as beautiful woman beings, and not objects that exist to arouse you ;)
     
    crazyhorse11 and tavla like this.
  9. she-dernatinus

    she-dernatinus Fapstronaut

    133
    356
    63
    The sad thing about prostitution is how these women probably never enjoy one bit of it, and only keep doing their 'job' to sustain drug addiction or to resolve financial problems. Deep down they hate their customers for not giving a single moment to think about them or how much their psychological state is a total chaos.
    There had been a documentary about a heterosexual male escort who confessed to his therapist how he hated women. I was left wondering how he came up with that feeling, and what were the causes behind it's intensity in. But then I understood that no one likes to be reduced to only one aspect of their humanity, and people always prefer to be seen as a whole person than some restrictive role fulfillers. It is not surprising how this male escort arrived to resent women.
     
  10. Interesting thought! So simply described you see the concept of attraction and natural objectification kind of like thinking in boxes? Like you would classify a women as wife material, girlfriend material, friend material, not interesting, and so on... ? Did I understand you correctly? :)
     
    RiseToGreatness and Sam78 like this.
  11. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

    273
    354
    63
    Cataloging people based on their size/weight is just another example of objectification.
     
    RiseToGreatness likes this.
  12. RiseToGreatness

    RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

    3,695
    14,270
    143
    exactly sister ;). Right on the point :emoji_ok_hand:
     
    she-dernatinus likes this.
  13. RiseToGreatness

    RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

    3,695
    14,270
    143
    no, not at all :). love brings natural sexual atraction. sexual atraction may not bring love. it´s the intention you put on your behaviour that makes the difference. pmo addicts tend to see woman as objects (arousal inducters) before other feeling arises, and it stops there most of the times. that´s the wrong way and that only reinforces lust. lust on the other hand fuels dissastisfaction and the cycle repeats itself.

    i think a complete romantic relationship involves a bit of objetification, that´s very natural. how many times partners don´t check on each other, do kinky games and so on? ;) on a context of a complete loving relationship, it´s natural and good.

    but a merely objectiving approach deprives a person from it´s personal traits, it´s feelings, it´s identity, and just focus on the body. most of all: "how that body can satisfy me?". that´s the selfish wrong way ;) because we´re using people instead of loving and respecting them :)

    a true relationship brings empathy. empathy it´s the exact opposite of lust.
     
    black_coyote likes this.
  14. she-dernatinus

    she-dernatinus Fapstronaut

    133
    356
    63
    I want to clarify my point about sexual attraction; it doesn't need to be objectification. It will turn so if one important element is lacking: empathy. When you lose empathy you lure yourself into seeing the other as an object, and your whole interaction becomes bounded to the ways this other individual can be useful to you or provide you pleasure. It's a recurrent trait of anti-social personality disorder.
     
    crazyhorse11 and RiseToGreatness like this.
  15. RiseToGreatness

    RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

    3,695
    14,270
    143
    that pmo reinforces ;). answering the topic question, there are many ways to objetify someone, not just the sexual way, so i agree with you that objetification starts when we loose empathy for another sensient being, not matter what form it takes.

    so let´s us take this first step beyond PMO, we are sure heading for a better place, built of love and tolerance :)
     
    crazyhorse11 and she-dernatinus like this.
  16. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

    213
    235
    43
    in that case every husband is an object
     
  17. she-dernatinus

    she-dernatinus Fapstronaut

    133
    356
    63
    No, a husband receives more than "attraction".
     
  18. Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

    154
    283
    63
    This is real thing. Men are conditioned from a young age to objectify women. I have some thoughts but there is a great article here: https://emotionalabuseintervention.com/2020/08/27/the-objectification-and-dehumanization-of-women/

    What is objectification? It is dehumanizing. It is turning a person into something less than a person. It is reducing a woman to an object that is meant to please us. We do this EVERY time we look at pornography. It is one of the great reasons pornography is so destructive to society. It is teaching us that women are meant to be portals we use for sexual pleasure.

    How do we stop. I like the idea in the article above. It is about our thinking. We need to really own how we think about women. We need to own that any kind of dehumanizing talk or thought is destructive and needs to be changed.

    I disagree with the idea that it is part of our DNA. Its actually absurd. Finding a mate 1000 years ago had nothing to do with her superficial features. If anything we would have been attracted to women who could protect themselves best and provide strength and help. They would not look like the women we see in pornography today.

    Finding a partner is definitely a part of our DNA. But HOW we look is not imprinted, it is learned. We have learned to objectify women, we can learn not to. It will take meticulous effort, but we can do it.
     
  19. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

    213
    235
    43
    I think I know when I’m receiving attraction from a woman, thanks.
     
  20. You have the right idea and your point is a serious one. But you really need to take some serious steps. Your taking up with escorts is a cry for help - stop it. It's foreshadowing written large.
    You can get a million answers to your question. What do they matter? The only answer that matters is the one you come up with. It has to do with being a better person.
     
    PeterGrip likes this.

Share This Page