How to stop thinking about girls?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Khada Jhin, Dec 7, 2018.

  1. Khada Jhin

    Khada Jhin New Fapstronaut

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    I have had this problem for a while and i need to find a solution for it because it has started to affect my studies which are very important at the moment considering that in my country it's the only year that determines what college you go to so i need to focus on studying and nothing else other than that.

    I have never talked to a girl even for school purposes or just as friends or anything like that because im too insecure and im not very good with girls but socially im fine.

    I discovered porn when i was about 12 and i resorted to it whenever i felt pressured or sometimes just for the pleasure of reaching O but i decided to quit about 5 monthes ago and went on a 3 months streak without PMO.

    But with the building up pressure of studying over and over and the pooring routine that i do everyday and all these fuzzy feelings and romantic thoughts that i get about certain girls that stand out to me broke me and i just collapsed.

    I can't help it honestly like i don't use any social media no facebook no twitter no instagram no youtube and i go the gym 4 times a week and i don't even check out girls or look at them on purpose i just get one look at them when i suddenly find someone in my face when im walking up the stairs of the centre that i take my courses in but that one look can stay with me for days if i found that girl beautiful and i get all these romantic thoughts and i imagine us as a married couple and that I am cuddeling with her while watching Tv or waking up in bed next to her just to stare at how beautiful she is.

    These kinds of thoughts distract me while studying and i can't let them do that and since i can't PMO or get a girlfriend(because it will distract me even more) and i can't occupy myself with anything other than studying and i get these thoughts while studying there isn't really anything i can do.

    Any advice please?
     
  2. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Short answer is you can’t, and you’re better off not trying to suppress it.

    My thoughts - studying isn’t everything, don’t switch off your life to concentrate on studying all the time. There’s more important things in life. Yes put the effort into your studies, but not at the expense of everything else.

    These romantic thoughts and fantasies are I think a manifestation of trying to suppress your thoughts but also because you’re not talking to these girls and you’re almost putting them on a pedestal. Talk to them, get to know them, find out they’re only human after all and are just as insecure as you.

    Then you can relax a little and embrace both your studies and getting to know girls without these issues you are encountering.
     
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  3. j0rdi3

    j0rdi3 Fapstronaut

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    Okay first off. I laughed hearing you talk about your romantic feelings towards girls you've never met, but at the same time it's also very endearing and sweet. The thing that you need to do is focus completely on your studies. Get your career in order and focus first on business (in this case, getting your career and college affairs in order). Second: Believe it or not, you DO have a choice over your thoughts. Don't fight the thoughts that you don't want to think. Just acknowledge them and the fact that they're there and keep busy with your day. Trust me, this works. Don't sweat it, man.

    I want to encourage you, man. You did made an EXCELLENT move by quiting porn and PMO and starting to move towards personal freedom. Keep studying, staying busy and doing the right and you will have your opportunity with the ladies sooner or later!

    Sincerely,

    j0rdi3
     
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  4. PedroCalrissian

    PedroCalrissian Fapstronaut

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    He is right. You must watch yourself and your thoughts. When your fantasies arise just take stock of them. Don't resist or suppress. Notice that you had no control in the arising of the thought, notice how you feel. You probably have a deep unconscious disire to be with a woman. If this is true, try to notice how this effects your fantasies, dreams, and actions. Your going to have to understand part of your self that you never let manifest in real life. Then somehow your going to have to let go of this desire (this is the part I haven't figured out how to do yet) because you need to study. Right now these fantasies distract you from your studies which are most important. Also you do not have a healthy way to express them so they probably lead to pmo. Although one day you will strive to live out these fantasies, today you sacrifice them to succeed in a vital part of your life.

    I'm really just talking about my life and what I'm struggling with right now but I hope some parts will be helpful to you
     
  5. DaveyCrockett

    DaveyCrockett Fapstronaut

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    That is just what I needed to hear right now. I feel the same way. All of a sudden back at school around lots of girls (my college is mostly girls) and I notice that I've been having those types of thoughts since school started, more and more, however. I've been worrying about studying too, man. I shouldn't worry so much about stuff, yet my mind begs to differ, hahaha.

    Thanks again for the advice, @SpoonDog .
     
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  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Play DooM. You will only think about DooM and nothing else, and to be honest, what else do you need to think about?
     
  7. Nines

    Nines Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Get a hobby, something that you're really interested in.
     
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  8. For me it's a daily struggle almost. I must put the mind of Christ on and rebuke and cast out desires of the flesh. I even have to do it in my dreams sometimes I believe such matters are crafted by a enemy. The mind is like a field and the enemy must plant a seed to bring about disaster. Dig it up and throw it into the fire of the holy spirit

    It's going to get easier once this becomes second nature to me but for now every cell in my body is screaming
     
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  9. Stop depriving yourself of so much goodness and happiness. Women are the most fantastic creation God has given us. I walk around and say hello with a big smile to every person that I meet man or woman. Seriously five minutes before I read your note and decided to answer you a woman came over and hit on me. Really! All I did was smile and say what’s your name and it started the conversation. It’s one way that I stay happy. For heaven sake‘s if you have an opportunity to develop a relationship with a lovely woman, or even to sleep with one once in a while, then, go and do it. Your studies will go much much better if you increase your confidence with women and you will study harder. Stop being so critical of yourself and enjoy life you sound like you’re the kind of guy who’s really going to make it. Be cocky and relax... Life is coming your way now. Just live and love like Jesus. ☺️
     
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  10. doctorluigii

    doctorluigii Fapstronaut

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    Damn dude that's rough, it sounds like you are doing everything right. I think you are fine as you are.

    Girls are a drug, that's for sure ^____^. But know that your fantasies aren't real, it's all in your head. That same behavior just led me to pain, frustration and disappointment, even after 14+ relationships, lots of sex and the things you describe. It is all transitory. Girls have their own separate mundane girl realities, with problems, frustrations etc unique to being female, that won't match up with your fantasies.

    Here is an excerpt from an incredible resource:
    Practice of Brahmacharya by Sri Swami Sivananda

    "For a few years Nature bestows on woman her gift of special beauty, charm and elegance in order that she may capture the hearts of men. Beauty is skin-deep only. It will soon fade, the hair will become gray and the skin will soon be filled with wrinkles. The tailor, the weaver, the embroiderer, the toilet maker and the goldsmith make us beautiful for a few seconds. Man, in his excitement, infatuation and delusion, forgets this point. This is Maya. Never trust this Maya. Beware. O man, wake up! Find out the Beauty of beauties, which is within you, which is your innermost Self. O woman! Sing like Mira and merge in Mira’s Girdhar Nagar.

    Have you ever paused and considered what constitutes the basic’ ladies who excite lust in you? A bundle of bones, flesh, blood, urine, faecal matter, pus, perspiration, phlegm and other dirt! Will you allow such a bundle to become the master of your thoughts? Will you exchange your birthright of eternal peace and happiness for such a fleeting, filthy mess of pottage? Shame on you! Were your will, your reason and your discrimination given to you only for such an inglorious end? Have you not heard and seen that physical beauty is only skin-deep and at the mercy of every passing accident, illness and year?"

    I made the mistake of neglecting my studies for pursuing women, life could be very different for me now. It's a trade, whatever you do, you can't do everything, you have to choose.

    My recommendation is to wait until you are happy with your life, and you want to share it with someone or maybe not :p. Invest in yourself, and do things that make you happy. Spend time with people that are important to you. The romantic thing will happen when it happens, don't obsess about it, it's not worth it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2019
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  11. j0rdi3

    j0rdi3 Fapstronaut

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    Be none of you deceived. Coitus and romantic love were meant to exist between a man and a woman who have made a lifelong commitment to each other. Anything less will not necessarily destroy you but you will be living in a suboptimal manner. Find the girl that makes everything right and waiver not in thy steadfast patience to that very end. It and she shall come eventually in due time. Pray if you feel you must, ask God but once, leave the rest to him and in the meantime DO WHAT YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE DOING. SOLVE THE PROBLEMS YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD BE SOLVING. FORGET ABOUT FUCKING SEX FOR A GODDAMN SECOND. It's hard but I believe in you...
     
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  12. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Putting pussy on a pedestal thinking.
     
  13. doctorluigii

    doctorluigii Fapstronaut

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    Nice man! I like your vibe, 100% agreed.
     
  14. rt01386

    rt01386 Fapstronaut

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    I started PMO when I was 14, I’m 26 now. I was like you around your age. All the same thoughts and everything. Also the same style of person: gym, studying, etc. I used PMO bc I wanted girls to like me. I thought of PMO as like a real life sex Ed. Since I was a late developer I was sort of afraid to talk to girls, I thought PMO would give me more confidence bc I would become good at sex. All it did was cause social anxiety and make it harder to talk to girls or start a relationship. And obviously my academics crumbled. I made a 3.8 and 3.3 freshman year in college after coming off of a cumulative 3.32 in high school and by junior year of college was down to a 2.1 and even lower at times. It all stemmed from not pursuing women naturally and using PMO as a replacement. It changed my life in a way I didn’t want it. I want to make this so clear:

    I WISH I HAD STOPPED PMO AT YOUR AGE.

    The other night I was laying in my gf’s closet (we met in college 5 years ago and live together now unmarried) looking up at the ceiling thinking how silly it was that I was so worried about girls 8-10 years ago. I actually lol’d! The only reason you have these thoughts is bc your body is going through puberty. So just enjoy them! They aren’t bad! When you see that pretty girl at the gym trust your gut and just talk to her. Don’t hold back and later romanticize it, trust your instincts! Your body it’s telling you, “hey that’s a potential mate,” so listen to it. That’s something I understand now that I didn’t understand at your age. I used to do the same exact thing, the romantic thoughts part and everything. Looking back on it if I would’ve went with my gut, a lot of those girls were feeling the same vibe you are about them. I also read a stat that 60% of people go to the gym to hookup which was mind blowing to me bc I am definitely a member of the 40% who don’t! I never knew people did went for that reason but apparently a lot of people do!

    The point is as long as you stay off PMO you’ll advance normally with girls. Don’t be afraid to talk to them. Just say anything you want it doesn’t matter. Once you do it a few times you’ll start getting better...but I still laugh at some of my early interactions with them! Everyone stumbles at first just accept it. My first kiss was hilarious and I was so awkward. Now I have a gf that loves me so much and none of our kisses are awkward and we talk all the time. Just be patient, enjoy your development and stay away from PMO. Feel free to ask me any questions I’m always down to help!
     
  15. epicc

    epicc New Fapstronaut

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    yeah, when I was in 7th or 8th grade, my whole life was just based on pmo. But, when I got to high school, I started getting new friends, and then I realized that girls can also be friends, not in some high pedestal. Although 9th grade was a year to get experience, 10th grade was absolutely incredible. First time I didn't feel like wanting to pmo, and you know what, I hung out with a bunch of girls. Of course, now it's a bit different with this whole corona thing, but I've still been going, no pmo. yeahhhh
     
  16. You cant stop thinking about something that you have been biologicly programmed to associate with
     
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  17. I dont think the question you are after is how to stop thinking about girls. It seems like you need to find better study techniques. And it is nothing wrong in thinking about girls. There will be a time and place for that too.
     
  18. The answer. Thank you.
     
  19. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Once you're caught up of course you can hardly stop, but you do have the ability to deliberately START thinking about different things - so think about the things you want to. It's like exercising a muscle, or even better a particular KIND of movement. I wouldn't even limit it to formal studies for school, but if something is interesting enough to think about deliberately process it, instead of just letting it be a little thing in the back of your mind. Like for example learning about PMO, some people might come here just out of curiosity but never really learn that much about it. It's not just the knowledge but the action of thinking about it in your mind that's beneficial as a practice, and that applies to all subjects worth thinking about.
     
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  20. ASHAM

    ASHAM Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, I'd get female friends or a girlfriend. I understand your in time management mode, but somewhere on campus is a girl who's thinking the same thing. You could find the love of your life. Just my 2 cents
     
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