alphakadabro
Fapstronaut
I have been talking to many people here on the forums and I am seeing some common themes.
#1. Guy relapses to Youtube
#2. Guy relapses to Instagram
#3. Guy relapses to Tinder
#4. Guy is alone and bored in bed at night doing things on his phone that he knows will lead to temptation.
The first three examples are pretty obvious. During early days of recovery don't use Youtube, Instagram or Tinder. At least 14+ days, but preferably 30+ or 90+. If you need something on Youtube, download it for later while in-public with your screen visible to others, and watch it when you want to.
Q: What about Netflix?
A: It is best to avoid it for 14+ days. Many titles are going to bring temptation and lead to chaser effect relapses and/or self-sabotage (i.e. browsing in places we shouldn't and hoping to "accidentally" see something we shouldn't).
After 14+ days, when you have strength over your urges, you can watch family sit-coms and other non-sexual TV shows and movies. If you see a sexual scene then immediately skip past it. If your heart is beating fast immediately get away from the computer and don't watch any videos for 24+ hours. I have found that even a few hours later, I am hyper-sensitive to sexual content I accidentally saw and I can't focus on the plot of the show. So I advice to skip watching videos that entire day, and maybe the next day, as well. If there is a series that you really like, but it features suggestive content - that is a hard no, you cannot watch it.
It is important to have a strategy for abstaining from recreational usage of our internet-devices during moments when we are most vulnerable. For most guys that is when they are alone and bored.
It is unavoidable to be alone and bored sometimes, and during those moments, we must be offline. This is especially important during the early days of recovery.
This means we can use smartphones and computers under two circumstances:
1) When in-public or with friends/family and when our screen is not hidden and is visible to others.
2) When we are doing professional, academic or productive work.
To further illustrate the point. I will preemptively answer some common Q&A.
Q: Can I play games on my computer?
A: Yes, but only if the door is open, the curtain is open, and there are other people around. This is for at least the first 14-days. So when you are alone in the house, or if you live alone, you can't play games for 14+ days.
Q: Can I watch Netflix?
A: Same as above. Download movies ahead of time - when not alone - and then watch them later when you are alone.
Q: Can I do anything else that I want on the computer when I am alone?
A: No. No R-rated content, no music videos, nothing with nudity, sexual or suggestive themes.
The basic idea is to use our devices as a means to an end for productive and skill-building purposes.
Q: What should I do for entertainment?
A: Entertainment should be social and offline, as much as possible. We should use our devices for tasks which cannot be completed any other way (i.e. email, online shopping, etc.). We should not rely on them to entertain us when we are bored. This always leads to temptation, self-sabotage and relapse.
Q: Can I read books on my Kindle or Nook?
A. Devices with a very singular function, like tablet e-book readers are fairly safe. Just don't use the browser function. I highly recommend reading books, even ebooks.
Q: What should I do if I feel temptation and my heart starts beating quickly when I am on a device?
A: Usually there are two phases. First, we notice the suggestive content and have a few moments to guage our reaction. When you have gone 30+ days, or have strong willpower and weak cravings, you can feel the temptation pass. The second phase is if the temptation doesn't pass but becomes stronger. At this point, you start feeling sexual movement in your body, your breathing changes and you become paranoid wondering if other people are around to see you. This rapidly escalates into impulsive relapse behaviors. What you should do is immediately step away from the computer or close the browser and put down your phone. Physically walk away and do not return for the rest of the day.
Obviously we need our phones, but you need to wait as long as possible before using it again. Ideally, at least a few hours. I recommend avoiding watching any further videos for 24+ hours.
To recap: Use your devices for professional, academic and productive purposes only, or as much as possible.
For recreation, sex and entertainment we should be social with other people, as much as possible.
Q: I know professional means for work and academic means for school, but what is a productive purpose?
A: A productive purpose helps you achieve your measurable goals. Examples: language learning, independent study, reading, Chess, writing or journalling, creating art or music, compiling spreadsheets to track your weighlifting progress, making and printing recipes for cooking, and so on.
If you want to talk more, you can always send me a PM or write on my profile.
#1. Guy relapses to Youtube
#2. Guy relapses to Instagram
#3. Guy relapses to Tinder
#4. Guy is alone and bored in bed at night doing things on his phone that he knows will lead to temptation.
The first three examples are pretty obvious. During early days of recovery don't use Youtube, Instagram or Tinder. At least 14+ days, but preferably 30+ or 90+. If you need something on Youtube, download it for later while in-public with your screen visible to others, and watch it when you want to.
Q: What about Netflix?
A: It is best to avoid it for 14+ days. Many titles are going to bring temptation and lead to chaser effect relapses and/or self-sabotage (i.e. browsing in places we shouldn't and hoping to "accidentally" see something we shouldn't).
After 14+ days, when you have strength over your urges, you can watch family sit-coms and other non-sexual TV shows and movies. If you see a sexual scene then immediately skip past it. If your heart is beating fast immediately get away from the computer and don't watch any videos for 24+ hours. I have found that even a few hours later, I am hyper-sensitive to sexual content I accidentally saw and I can't focus on the plot of the show. So I advice to skip watching videos that entire day, and maybe the next day, as well. If there is a series that you really like, but it features suggestive content - that is a hard no, you cannot watch it.
It is important to have a strategy for abstaining from recreational usage of our internet-devices during moments when we are most vulnerable. For most guys that is when they are alone and bored.
It is unavoidable to be alone and bored sometimes, and during those moments, we must be offline. This is especially important during the early days of recovery.
This means we can use smartphones and computers under two circumstances:
1) When in-public or with friends/family and when our screen is not hidden and is visible to others.
2) When we are doing professional, academic or productive work.
To further illustrate the point. I will preemptively answer some common Q&A.
Q: Can I play games on my computer?
A: Yes, but only if the door is open, the curtain is open, and there are other people around. This is for at least the first 14-days. So when you are alone in the house, or if you live alone, you can't play games for 14+ days.
Q: Can I watch Netflix?
A: Same as above. Download movies ahead of time - when not alone - and then watch them later when you are alone.
Q: Can I do anything else that I want on the computer when I am alone?
A: No. No R-rated content, no music videos, nothing with nudity, sexual or suggestive themes.
The basic idea is to use our devices as a means to an end for productive and skill-building purposes.
Q: What should I do for entertainment?
A: Entertainment should be social and offline, as much as possible. We should use our devices for tasks which cannot be completed any other way (i.e. email, online shopping, etc.). We should not rely on them to entertain us when we are bored. This always leads to temptation, self-sabotage and relapse.
Q: Can I read books on my Kindle or Nook?
A. Devices with a very singular function, like tablet e-book readers are fairly safe. Just don't use the browser function. I highly recommend reading books, even ebooks.
Q: What should I do if I feel temptation and my heart starts beating quickly when I am on a device?
A: Usually there are two phases. First, we notice the suggestive content and have a few moments to guage our reaction. When you have gone 30+ days, or have strong willpower and weak cravings, you can feel the temptation pass. The second phase is if the temptation doesn't pass but becomes stronger. At this point, you start feeling sexual movement in your body, your breathing changes and you become paranoid wondering if other people are around to see you. This rapidly escalates into impulsive relapse behaviors. What you should do is immediately step away from the computer or close the browser and put down your phone. Physically walk away and do not return for the rest of the day.
Obviously we need our phones, but you need to wait as long as possible before using it again. Ideally, at least a few hours. I recommend avoiding watching any further videos for 24+ hours.
To recap: Use your devices for professional, academic and productive purposes only, or as much as possible.
For recreation, sex and entertainment we should be social with other people, as much as possible.
Q: I know professional means for work and academic means for school, but what is a productive purpose?
A: A productive purpose helps you achieve your measurable goals. Examples: language learning, independent study, reading, Chess, writing or journalling, creating art or music, compiling spreadsheets to track your weighlifting progress, making and printing recipes for cooking, and so on.
If you want to talk more, you can always send me a PM or write on my profile.
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