I'm a bit embarrassed to bring this up, but seriously wondering if and how I will ever get around this. In short, I get really turned on when girls reject me (and kind of turned off when they are really into me) - is this just the classic "only wanting what I can't have"? I also get turned on when the girl I really want ends up getting together with another guy . . . It's kind of the story of my life. Getting crushes on girls but not having the gumption to take any action (I was raised to believe that all men are pigs and all they want is sex, leading me to be afraid to even suggest interest in a woman) and eventually watching the girl of my dreams start dating other guys. Sometimes the guys were my friends, or worse, on two occasions it was a roommate. I coped with this by turning to masturbation, and porn. I have included most of my journal entry from today (below) if you want to read about today's struggle. But the overall question is: Will I ever get past this? I have been effectively single for about 12 out of the last 13 years. How can I ever get into a relationship with someone that I am really attracted to if rejection and jealousy turns me on so much?? I do think it is vital that I do not turn to P or M when I have these feelings in order to break that association, but I don't know if it will ever go away. I have been struggling with this for years Any one have any suggestions? I would appreciate any and all advice and support.