How will I ever quit if I don't think I have a problem???

Hi,

I've had the same thought SO many times before, and I know it will try to throw me off track many times in the future.

Here's my current status:

-Not in a relationship
-Haven't really been in one
-Close to zero regular contact with girls
-Somewhere between outgoing and introverted(probably seen as that average "nice guy", which I don't really feel insecure about)
-Occasional feeling of loneliness, though not that desperate for a gf
-No major traumatic sexual incidents (since I'm a virgin)

So basically, I don't have that "I do this for my SO" or "I gotta bring back the chick magnet in me" sort of drive. Which I totally respect! It's just that I can't(and don't feel the need to) build up that kind of motivation, regarding my circumstances.

If you're in a similar situation as I am, then let me repeat that I know exactly how it feels like: you know you need to stop but you don't feel like you have as much of a strong reason than others.

Two things that helped me out of this dilemma (at least for now) is:

(1) Reading this Reddit post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/23gc6n/the_enjoyment_of_selfcontrol/

This made me realize that ultimately we fall back because that's where we unconsciously believe is the source of liberation. It's why you and I can't "want enough" to get up. We're just blind. Personally, the chance that one day I may actually open my eyes and feel this sense of freedom is motivating in itself. Of course I don't jump all over with joy every day to this idea, but I does keep me positive enough to hang on, stay clean.

(2) Just PROMISE yourself that you won't relapse ever again in your life. Not for 30 days, 90 days, or a year, but for eternity. And tell yourself that if you break that promise it will be the biggest lie you'll have ever made, and that you'll have to live with that shame for life. After that, tell other people here you've made that vow(like I'm doing right now). Expose yourself, get more people to scrutinize you.


Not sure how much of this you'll find useful (we're different men after all) but I had to write it down anyways, partly to organize my own thoughts. If you have the time and feel like it, it would be awesome if you checked my journal from time to time, see if I haven't broken my vow yet:

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/done-with-pmo-forever.116656/page-2#post-974334

Sorry for the long post. Good luck, we'll make it together!

 

I think a lot of people have this issue, they go for ages rationalising their addiction and their failure and it takes something drastic to wake them up. I've read about people who have become so addicted to extreme porn that they start sleeping with men when they arent gay, I've seen people so enraptured by excessive masturbation that they have no hobbies or friends and spend all their time alone in their rooms. The problem, I think at least, stems from one simple fact that applies to life in general, not just NoFap or PMO;

You cant know what youre missing until you've gotten a taste for it!

Before I started NoFap I spent way too much time with PMO, but it was nowhere near as severe as some of the people here, so I kept trying to justify my habit in the way you are now, because at the time it didnt seem that bad. I would get to a week, maybe 2, then just give up because fuck it, why not? It was only when I broke that 2 week barrier that I started to realise what I was missing; sure I still felt very strong urges and had off days but my brain fog was gone, my anxiety was gone, I felt assured in myself and didnt constantly feel down. My attraction to extreme porn went away and I felt more attractive to women (and attracted to them) than any other time in my life. Then after around a month I relapsed and the brain fog and anxiety hit me so hard that I swear I felt like I was full blown ill, the headaches, muscle aches and feeling of failure and weakness were so strong that I couldnt do anything for a few days afterwards. Since then I've failed many times but it was after that specific relapse that I realised exactly what it was I was fighting for; I was fighting so my true self could come out, the part of me that wasnt an anxious neurotic mess, the part of me that wasnt afraid of social interaction, the part of me that actually felt attraction to women.

I cant make you have this realisation, noone can, you cant even force it upon yourself, but you wont truly be comitted until you wake up and realise exactly what PMO is doing to you. Good luck.

 

Thanks for replying.

Hey, don't get me wrong: I made this promise not because I have self-control, but to gain self-control on the way. Honestly I have no idea how huge of a promise I've accidentally made. I have NO idea what eternity truly means. I'm scared in fact. I can feel the eyes of people thinking: "Damn another kid talking big? Typical", and waiting to see me fall and fade away as they expect me to.

I chose this method BECAUSE I don't have a clear motive or the power yet, because putting myself under scrutiny of others(and myself) is one of the few ways left I can think of.

So please, don't envy what I don't have, and don't feel left behind

Thanks so much for the encouragement!