Hello, I'm new to this journey. I found out about my husband's porn addiction about two weeks ago. I am trying to be very supportive and help him in any way I can. It was devastating to find out (unfortunately the hard way), but he says I handled it well and now that it's out in the open I feel we have become closer. A little explanation of our history... We've been married 14 years. I have a history of abuse in childhood which made intimacy and trust extremely difficult. I also suffer from several medical reproductive issues that make penetrative sex extremely painful. I have worked with a therapist to correct the mental blocks and am currently working on correcting my other issues to make penatrative sex more enjoyable, but it's a long process unfortuantely. The years of missing intimacy and connection is what caused my husband to turn to porn to "get his fix" since I wasnt able to satisfy him the natural way. Then it just snowballed as those new unnatural pathways developed. He has always done MO since he was quite young to get rid of urges, sometimes with porn once he was older, but it only really reached addiction levels about 5 years ago. He has wanted to quit for several years, but couldn't do it on his own. He couldn't figure out how to talk to me about it since sex had become a touchy topic between us and he was ashamed of how I'd feel and afraid of how I'd react. Since I found out, he is determined to quit. He had a relapse the first day, literally less than an hour after we had a long deep discussion about it, but has since then not gone online. He has been very tempted, even sat in his computer chair looking at the keyboard, but hasn't actually done it. He has asked me to track all of his internet activity since if he knows I'll see if he slips up then he's less likely to cave to his urges. I also have free remote access to the computer at any time so knowing I could pop on and look any time helps curb those urges too. Since we are now so open about it, he will call me if the urges get out of control so that I can help walk him through it, even just stay on the phone until he brings himself back down. I was sending him intimate pictures initially thinking if he thought of me instead then he wouldn't need porn. Obviously this was before I researched everything and I now realize that can't be the case. I continued to send them though since it gave me a thrill that I was able to excite him so much, finding out the way I did made me feel unworthy and further damaged my already low self esteem and body image so this helped rebolster my confidence to know how much he enjoyed it. Plus I figured if the urge got really bad if he had something from me to MO to it was at least better than him finding something online. However tonight when I asked him if he did MO every time he looked at them he said yes and it was almost daily. Now we realized that was just reinforcing his unhealthy pathways and essentially acting as a porn substitute. So he has deleted all images and videos he had of me and I will not be sending more, at least not during his reboot. He has now decided to do a medium reboot where he eliminates PM, but is okay with O if it's with me. My question is how else can I help? Other than just listening and being a support? I can only imagine how difficult this will be and how intense the urges will get without a regular release. His libido is extremely high (although it's hard to tell if that's his natural drive or the addiction). What can I do to assist and ease his progress? We do plan to incorporate sex in his recovery since he has no problem engaging, it has created a strong connection between us which is what he always felt was missing, and we feel it will strengthen those healthy, natural pathways. But should we be limiting the number or encounters to ensure it doesn't also become a porn substitute? He does tell me he tries to initiate for a connection rather than just a release and he does seem present during, but it's hard to tell if that's the case or if his addictive mind is confusing the two on him. I've been working on building my own libido quite successfully, should I be holding back on trying to turn him on, teasing him, or initiating sex? He also suffers from DE and can only O with me when he does MO with me engaging at the same time or if it's oral. Are those options going to hinder his progress or are they okay? Should we just enjoy the intimacy shared regardless of whether he can O and hold out on alternatives until he can O with me naturally? I would assume once pentrarive sex is possible it should help, we've had to be sort of creative in the meantime but I'm not sure how those means will affect his progress and success. He also says he gets inside his own head and comes close, but then focuses too much on how he wants to O for me and then it kills it. Lastly, now that we've rekindled our private life together and I'm more engaging, we are sort of discovering ourselves like a newly married couple. He really likes the idea of dressing up (not full role play, just costumes and nothing fetish or specific even, just skimpy costumes). Is this going to reinforce fantasy too much and be a hindrance? Sorry for the novel, it just feels so good to have found a group of people going through the same struggles as we are. And hopefully people who can give advice from the addict's perspective since I have no idea what is most beneficial for me to do. Any advice or guidance on how I can best play a part in his recovery are appreciated!