Huge tips and must do's to really get a good grasp on recovery .

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Chefb87, Jun 26, 2019.

  1. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    Hi all!
    I've been thinking about writing this for a while now . I hope this doesn't come off like I know everything , I'm only 67 days in on my NoFap journey. But I feel like there are alot of things that, in hindsight , I'm so grateful that I did. And I'd love to share some of them , and hopefully it helps others. So here are a list of things that I feel are must do's in order to get a good grasp on your compulsion.

    1) HONESTY, HONESTY, HONESTY:
    I can't stress how huge this is. If you have a spouse whether that be a GF, BF, fiance , husband , or wife. You absolutely need, need , need ,NEED to tell them .... Literally everything. From the worst thing you did while you were with them , to the smallest thing, to stiff even before you even met the other person. If you cheated in any capacity ( sexting , porn , escorts , webcam models, flirting with other woman at work ) you need to tell them ... Everything. If you do not do this , and do it completely you will not learn how to be fully honest with them in the future which only keeps that wedge in between you two.
    But most importantly if you can't look at yourself in the mirror and say " today , I was honest " without having that sharp uncomfortable pain feeling at the sternum of your chest .. then you're cheating yourself. And you will need ever have a chance at fully recovering from your addiction .
    Disclosing everything can, and will be devastating to your spouse , and it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do/ go through . But for me , after I disclosed every single thing to my fiance ( 2 escorts with MDMA involved, one being a pornstar that cost me 3,200$, 3 rub and tugs , one of which was when she was 3 months pregnant with our boy, and a bunch of other little small things , it was the most freeeing feeling . Even if I really didn't know if I'd ever see her or my son again in the capacity I did before . It was a month into my abstinence, but that was day 1 of recovery.

    Make your own " 3 circles ":
    Please google " 3 circles addictions " in there you will learn about drawing your own three circles . Where you label and put on paper what you consider a relapse , what you consider triggers that will lead to relapse , and what you consider healthy things to do that will keep you away from relapse . I found this so helpful because it made me thing of every trigger I could think of. So if I put " sexual music videos , or bikini pics , or yoga pant pictures " on my paper that gives me my boundaries so I felt it easier to tell my brain that those things aren't ok. Instead of my addiction convincing me that a little peek of this or that won't hurt. Well obviously if I put it on paper , colored it I , and lamenated it saying that those things are triggers that will lead to relapse , that means I shouldnt do those things either. I really really recommend you drawing your own three circles , coloring it in nice and pretty, and putting it somewherr where you will see it.

    Find an SAA or SA meeting near you :

    This was huge to me. Before I went in , I was so scared fearful that I was about to talk in to a place with a ton of " fat, dirty, drooling , porn addict slobs " because if that's what I saw , what does that make me ? I went in and I saw normal people like me ... I've been going for 10 weeks straight now , and I can't imagine not having that sense of belonging now.

    Find a physcologist, or counselor who has experience with sex and porn addiction:

    You need to start learning healthier coping tools than the ones we all used to use here . These people will help you figure out your triggers , give you a plan for success , give you that person you can practice being 110% honest with. They will give you the tools to practice that will help get through each hard urge. Then, when you have some tools in place , start to explore when your addiction started , why you started it, and what were the feelings you were trying to feel, or run from by acting on that addiction.
    For me , I started at age 10 because I grew up in an alcoholic home . And what I've learned was that I used porn at that age to feel control, safe, special , important , good , excited , instead of my reality confusion , fear, uncomfortable, not special , unimportant. I felt that when I had a better understanding of my addiction and what drew me to it, I could start to do excercises to help me with the feelings I felt I was missing. .. so I never felt like I was good enough of special .... Not I try and write in my journal everynight if I remember of at least one thing I was grateful for that day , and one thing I was proud of that I did that day .

    Try to switch that negative thinking voice in your head to a positive one :
    I realised that I did alot of harmful self talk. I talked bad about myself . But what I realized after accidently buying a real over the top religious addiction book is ... Now stay with me ...
    God is always there for you , he was always there for you with his hand out , even when you are deep in your addiction .. your back is toward him, but he was still there waiting for you to turn around and grab his hand. God is always there, he will always love you , support you , encourage you. He will love you like his own son . And that god is in all of us. Now I'm not religious at all.. but after really pondering that . I got this from it ..... If I can , instead of listen to that negative voice ( addiction. ) And practise to focus on that positive, loving , supportive voice I labeled as " god " where he would talk to me always loving and supportive then I could use that to start to feel good about myself from MYSElF. Or if you really don't want to label that "god " try and make that voice your own voice as if you were talking to your 5 year old self . Would you call your 5 year old self a piece of shit , or tell him he can't do anything right ?, Or that he should give up because he's not going to be able to succeed anyways ? Or that he should give up after relapsing on day 12?... no you wouldnt.
    You would tell him that he is aamzing, that he isn't a bad person , he's just a person who is trying to get better , that he's strong , and shouldn't give up , and who can do this !!

    Accountable2you APPLICATION, and finding an accountability partner :
    Accountable2you is an app you put on all of your electronic devices where is tracks every single thing you do on each device and every si gle website you visit . It picks up everything from you unlocking your phone , going to camera app to messaging your buddy, to playing a game, to browsing youtube etc. It even shows your location and where you've been all day through GPS. It doesn't block any sites. You could literally still go on porn or search for bikini pics if you want. But the point is to have this set up , and appoint a few accounability partners to your account . What will happen is your accountability partners will get a daily report for everything you've done that day. It will also. Send an email or text to your accountability partners instantly if the app picks up anything highly questionable . So they can call you out on it , or at the very least ask you about it .
    I found this better than having a porn blocker set up. Where you could get around it and no one would know but you . This app keeps that spot light on you , even though that spot light is so uncomfortable. It's like cockroaches are your addictive behaviors... They love the dark. As soon as there is light on them ... They scurry .... They hate the light. It's uncomfortable.. it is GOOD to have that spotlight on you.

    Well if anyone really read through all of this . Thank you. My thumbs hurt now . Lol.
    I don't consider myself an expert, or that I know everything, or that someday I may relapse . But I know I've learned alot of things so far, and that I'm sure they could help others like they helped me strengthen my recovery . If anyone has any questions or if they just need someone to talk to ... Please don't hesitate to message me..

    Good luck everyone ,
    And please if anyone has any advice you think could help others then please share !

    Thank you so much for your time !


     

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