Hey. I am not sure where to start, but here goes: Short story - Been a porn addict since my dad died 9 years ago (I was 21 then). - I lost two boyfriends because of porn/hookup addiction, afraid my current boyfriend might dump me. - A friend told me to come here... I do not know where to start. (PS: Friend lives in a farm in the middle of nowhere, so chatting/getting hold of him is really difficult) Human behaviour? - Perhaps all these weird sexual behaviours are to be human? I must overcome these and surpass humanity (alla Nietzsche). - I am addicted to porn, hookups, and light BDSM. - Corcerning psychology: I am trying to figure out why I like to be dominated. My father's death might have something to do with psychological development or something. I am working hard on figuring out this one. - Tonight I watched totally illegal stuff, and that really sparked concern in me. I feel bad and like crying. Porn/lust is a downward spiral. My thoughts do not usually includes illegal stuff, but I suppose that is what lust does to a person. What I want to do - Stop porn addiction - Stop hookups Whenever I try to stop masturbating/watching porn, my desires intensifies (I suppose that is normal) - I cannot sleep, I cannot work, I am severely anxious. I've read through the guidelines, and hence I am not giving out details here. Obviously I do not want to trigger anyone. I do not want to get STDs, be alone, or live a double life. Also, I don't want some pathetic porn blocker. I want to build the discipline of sorting through my issues and doing it myself. Too many people I know have porn blockers that does NOTHING to them - as soon as they can bypass the system they will watch porn. I want CHANGE. Where do I start? Please help - I am desperate, and deeply hurt.