Hi everyone. I'm in a serious long term relationship with an addict. Tonight, right at this very moment, I can safely say I have never felt so much hurt and felt so insignificant in my entire life. And that makes me feel guilty somehow because two weeks ago I once again placed my trust in him and believed him when he told me I am more important to him than p and he can't lose me. And I choose to believe him simply because I love him and I know he doesn't mean to hurt me. Last night we connected for the first time in months on a deep emotional level. Oh, how I had missed this. Last night is also the first night in months that we had s that I was able to push away the bad thoughts and the low self esteem and focus on him and our love. About three hours ago he immersed himself into the world of p again. Without so much as a blink of the eye. And as he manages to tear his eyes away from the screen for mere seconds because I begged him to, I saw it. His eyes had changed, like they always do, glazed, almost lifeless...and I realized with mind blowing sadness that I had lost again. I was second choice again. I was an option again. I was the woman that wasn't good enough for the man that I loved with my entire being. And with that came the gut wrenching realization that I'll never be good enough for him. As I write this with my heart shattered as he sits in another room with his phone in his hand, I cannot begin to describe the manic feelings threatening to overwhelm me. I'm not good enough again. I'm not good enough again. I'm not good enough again. Why do I stay? Why do I allow him to break me little by little at his discretion? Why does this hurt so much? Why can't I stop loving him? Why do I feel so worthless? I want out. I thought I could do this. I thought I could support him and love him unconditionally as he tries to stop again, but this is killing me. And it shatters me to know that he loves me so very much...but just a little less than p. I feel utterly lost at this very moment.