Husband is getting rougher

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Missmadness, May 28, 2019.

  1. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    My husband has issues iv recently posted about including, PA,PIED but hes also become very agressive recentley with me, out the blue he like choking me and me struggling to breath, smacking but not playfully i have hand print bruises, hair pulling again very rough and biting me all over leaving marks, now im not against rough play but hes goes to far with it, im just wondering isit a common thing because they are so used to watching certain behaviours has anyone had issues with this and how did they address it
     
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  2. I have no experience with this, but I know beyond a doubt you need to get space from that.
     
    Despicable me likes this.
  3. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    I agree i just dont want him to feel rejected and move further away from me ohh the joys eh
     
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  4. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    That's terrible! Call the police, seriously. It sounds like he's abusing you!
    And by the way, whatever a PA husband may do because of P doesn't justify it in any way, certainly not if it hurts someone else, especially his own wife.
     
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  5. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    What would he have to do for you to feel the need to protect yourself? It sounds like he is angry and that his sexual imagination (and attitude to women's sexuality) has been written by the violent porn he watches.

     
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  6. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    Is he doing this during sex? Or just throughout the day? If it's not during sex then you either need to go to the police or tell him next time he does it you're going to the police.

    Either way you need to talk to him about it. I looked at your other post. If he's masturbating 20+ times a day then plain vanilla sex isn't going to get him off at this point. He's probably so desperate to feel that dopamine high he needs to get more aggressive in bed with you. Everyone has their kinks and fetishes but this is all being driven by his porn addiction and its coming at your expense.

    It's great that you realize this but it doesn't sound like he does. To make someone change you have to instill in them an eager want. Find out what he wants in life. Happy relationship with you, more kids, better career. Tell him he's not going to get it continuing down this path.
     
  7. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    Its through out the day, he says i should tap out so i do but it doesnt work, its like a mist decends upon him and he doesnt see hes hurting me even when im telling him. Iv tried to talk about it after and explain i dont like it and he apologises and then half an hour later hes got his hands around my throat again. I would call the police but hes not being violent as in beating me up its like he thinks thats foreplay now? Idk this is so new to me.

    20xs a day he says was when he was younger i dont know about now im scared to know tbh we spoke saturday he put measure in place to help his PA, but sunday hes trying to have sex with me again and hurting me again i told him this isnt right were supposed to be intimate your not supposed to be attacking me which made him pull away from me like a child having a strop, so i dont know how to broach the subject and its even more ticky as i enjoy dom/sub but not to this degree. People say leave him however weve been together nearly 8 years we have a child and a happy life in general he has never hit me and the violence sexually is a new thing past 5 months i would say and more than anything he genuinley wants to change i have to atleast give him a chance to change.

    I just feel abit lost i dont want to push him away more or make him feel more ashamed about things but at the same time i need him to stop crossing this line.

    Thank you for your advice, i told him saturday if things dont change dramatically he loses his family and im not giving another chance this isnt the first he has had in my mind hes got til august to make big changes or im walking away i refuse to become a bitter, paranoid and miserable person because someone else cant get their act together.
    Again thank you so much it neans alot to me that people take the time on here to offer advice and opinions and share their experiences.
     
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  8. UK Lad

    UK Lad Fapstronaut

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    I’ll tell you right now I’m on Day 414. I watched a porno a few weeks ago, I changed behaviours from good to violent. My mood was affected! And my perception. A good 6 months of Nofap will restore his brain but he gotta keep occupied in that time.
     
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  9. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    Is he touching you when you don't want to be touched? That's called battery. Even first time misdemeanor battery can be a jail time offense. You both need to be aware of that.

    You are something I aspire to have one day, a loving caring partner. I truly commend you for placing the family first and looking out for him and your child. I cannot begin to imagine the pressure on you right now. It's not as simple as I and others have said. Such as leave or call the cops.

    I think the good news is that the violence is a recent development. But I think you're only going to get so far seeking advice online. Knowing that this has been a lifelong reoccurring problem maybe it's best to seek professional help.
     
    Missmadness likes this.
  10. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    Its crazy how it effects people and how easy it is to access when it does so much damage. Can i ask what triggered you to watch it again? I definitley need to speak to him properly about why he is doing it, is he bored, stressed is out of habbit or hes horny and needs a release right then or to go sleep idk anything i feel niave for not knowing. Well done btw day 414 is an amazing achievment.
     
  11. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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  12. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    Sorry i have no idea what i did there lol, total noob
     
  13. RUNDMC

    RUNDMC Fapstronaut

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    You're being physically attacked, and what you're worried about is your relationship. Women are crazy.
     
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  14. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    Well if you put it like that yes, i am worried about my relationship the man i fell in love with has a habbit thate rewired his brain to think that this is normal, the past 5 months hes become worse he wasnt always like this he didnt always have issues, your on this site so clearly also have an issue so dont throw stones when your in a glass house
     
  15. @Missmadness You need to seek external help - in real life, not on a forum. Doesn't have to be the extremst measure (police), but you need to inform at least other family members and bring in professional counseling. You cannot solve this on your own and pretending everything is fine is only going to make the problem worse. Act before it's too late.
     
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  16. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    Thank you i know everything is far from ok, im not pretending its fine im aware its no where near fine, i wasnt asking for help i was simply asking if its happened to anyone else, if they have experienced their partners becoming more aggressive due to their PA. I appriciate your advice and i am looking into professional help for my husband but its quite difficult to find one that deals with these specific issues locally thankd again
     
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  17. Good luck and best wishes, I will pray for you and your family, @Missmadness
     
    Missmadness likes this.
  18. Missmadness

    Missmadness Fapstronaut

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    Thank you thays very kind of you
     
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  19. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    Hi, that's a NO, definitely NO. There is no place for that sort of behaviour in a healthy relationship.
     
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  20. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Physical pain from violence is a instant no no. Good luck and be safe
     

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