husbands and masturbation

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Feb 3, 2018.

  1. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's a good idea for a man in a relationship to M or MO alone. Far better if he's seeing his woman later to wait until she can touch him instead. If he's away a long time for some reason, and really needs to MO, then why can't it at least be when he's on the phone or Skype to her? Since I gave up MO and P (I've had a few small relapses but not many) I'm really enjoying the feeling of having fuller balls, which makes me feel more masculine and attractive to women, and is a lot better than the feeling of having jerked off.
     
  2. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

    To me as long as he's still intimate with me and him masterbating doesn't affect anything, then he should be free to if that's something he wants to do.
     
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  3. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    Fair enough, Sarah. Everyone knows best what works for them.
     
  4. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

    Well that and honestly if he's not harming the relationship in anyway including himself, I say why not? I don't think it would be fair in say my relationship, for me as his partner to tell him no because I feel he doesn't need it. It's his body in the first place after all and I respect that fact as long as there's no issues.
     
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  5. Xander74

    Xander74 Fapstronaut

    This is all great when you're young, is was for me- I could sort myself out in the morning and make love to my wife in the evening, no problem. Add 10-15 years of this and a gradually escalating PA and my relationship/ sex life/ was destroyed. Speak with him sooner to avoid pain and heartache later in life.
     
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  6. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    An opinion of what the majority of people think cannot be valid. Unless it is measured it cannot be known. What matters is what the individual couple decide is right for their relationship. Thise of us on this site are going to be biased and assume that most husbands masturbate and we are in a minority of men doing what is right for our spouse. Perhaps we will assume that most wives are willing to put up with masturbation since most husbands do it, and that our own wives hold us to higher standards. But we (I assume) are happy and proud to meet those higher standards.
     
  7. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

    He doesn't do it every single day, besides again I'll say something if it ever becomes a problem. I won't need to though, as he's smart enough to know that if what he's doing is hurting anything in our relationship he'll change something or stop depending, I'm the one with the obvious problems...

    Not to mention you make it sound like if you masturbate you automatically will eventually turn to porn, well thank goodness that won't ever happen to my SO.
     
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  8. Duke of Gine

    Duke of Gine Fapstronaut

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    It’s the porn part and the fantasy part that has always gone along with masturbation (for me) that hurts my wife. It’s a form of cheating.
     
  9. pivotm6

    pivotm6 Fapstronaut

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    I think that m is okay if you focus on experiences you have had with your wife....at least this is how I justify it for myself and don't feel like total crap after I do it.
     
  10. Xander74

    Xander74 Fapstronaut

    My SO sent me this from an online source:

    “Thinking about some sexual scenario and achieving an orgasm to those thoughts conditions you to what sex could be like. This is dangerous in that it sets up unrealistic expectations for what sex with your wife should be like.
    Don’t be self-righteous and think, “Well, I masturbate, but I only think about my wife. That isn't adultery.” Do you think about actual past experiences, or do you project into the future: “Wouldn't be great if she would only?” Thinking in this way only sets up unrealistic expectations and dishonors your wife.
    Maybe in masturbating you’re trying to correct frequency or sexual practice issues you have in your marriage.
    You may even find that when you masturbate you are angry with your wife because she isn’t available in certain ways. Unhealed anger about these issues fuels vulnerability. Masturbating may even deprive your wife of your sexual ability to her.
    Another point to ponder is that for many, masturbating leads to a certain form of “tolerance.” The tolerance effect simply means that the more you do something the more you will eventually need to do it to achieve the same affect. An alcoholic knows, for example, that when he first starts drinking, one drink may be enough to get him drunk. After weeks, months or even years, a lot more alcohol will be needed to do so. This is because our bodies adjust to whatever we put in it. Our bodies will eventually return to a state of normal. If we put something foreign into it consistently enough, however, the body will adjust what it considers to be normal to a higher level.
    Sexual thinking causes a chemical reaction in the brain. That is what gives us the bodily response to achieve sexual intercourse and the pleasurable feeling that goes with it. Fantasizing about sex and achieving orgasm through masturbation creates this chemical reaction. If we masturbate enough, our bodies will adjust, and we will need to do it more to achieve the same effect.
    Masturbation and the tolerance effect
    The friction of using your own hand or some other aid to achieve masturbation may also condition you to that level of stimulation. Believe it or not, this kind of conditioning may make it less likely that you will be stimulated by vaginal intercourse. Men who get into this kind of pattern may start experiencing sexual frustrations when they are being sexual with their wives.
    If you understand the effect sexual fantasy and activity has on the brain, you can also understand that many of us have used the pleasurable feelings of sex to escape unpleasant feelings. You may have noticed that the times when you have most felt like masturbating are those times when you are lonely, tired, angry, frightened or stressed out. When we use masturbation or any other form of sexual activity to achieve this kind of escape, we are depriving ourselves of more fulfilling answers to those feelings.
    Sometimes, the very sexual fantasies we use to masturbate may create imagined situations in which we are getting comfort, touch, love and nurture from imaginary others. Outside of the brain chemistry effect, these imagined relationships may give us a false sense of comfort for our feelings. In either case, we are not truly looking for ultimately satisfying answers to our problems.”
     
  11. That was painful to read because that was precisely what I did. My wife hates M, and I was thinking: oh well, all wives are against M, but all men do it anyway, so I will do it in secret. So yeah, that's not OK.
     
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  12. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    I don't think you should be strokin tip while the girl isn't around. Save those urges for your girl(I'd rather bang it out with the GF than masturbate anyway) or have your girl do it for you, then at least she knows you are desiring her and not getting off to other things. Most women want to be reassured and they want to feel sexy and cute, you strokin tip on the side without her is not going to help her self esteem(imagine your GF always getting off to other people & masturbating while you're not around). If she's not putting out at all then have a sit down talk and explain yourself...
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2018
  13. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    So say there's no addiction and he only thinks about you when he does it. You didn't know he M-ed in the bathroom right before he got in the shower. You hear him in the shower and decide to jump in and surprise him with a little morning sex, but oops, he didn't want to wait for your next encounter together and now it has interfered with your sex life.

    There are a million other similar examples. This the flaw I see with that logic. Just my opinion.
     

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