Hypnotherapy success or failures?

Hi, I put this thread into the problematic sex forum yesterday but of course it equally fits here so I hope you will forgive my repetition. I've summarised everything I wrote so far below, any comments would be very gratefully received. I basically wonder who has tried hypnosis as a way to help them reboot and recover from porn addiction.

I see the same issues coming up over and over again on the forums here to do with shame, guilt, powerlessness, anger, frustration and so on and so on. So many people looking for solutions to fix their symptom, but the thing is, its a symptom, not a cause. Masturbation, porn addiction, visiting a prostitute, being a sadist or a masochist, whatever the hell this 'awful' thing is: these things are not the problem. They are a solution to a deep pain, one that each of may or may not be aware of. So many of these things are hidden deep in our psyche that we simply can't imagine where they come from, maybe because they come from before conscious memory began. Or even more screwy, we know exactly where the feelings come from, we can rationalise it and understand it endlessly, but the addiction or deviant act fulfills such a strong need inside and is so effective at it that no amount of willpower will ever shift it because its helping you to avoid something painful. I know it sounds woowoo, but just for a second give your subconscious the benefit of the doubt: he's doing stuff to stop you hurting. It might not be the best solution in the world, but in his world he's being really really good at solving your problem, reducing pain. When the symptom is actually serving you really well in certain areas of your life then its damned hard to kick, because deep down you need it. You can say this about pretty much any addiction.

So I don't want to blather on and on, but in all sincerity have people tried hypnotherapy? I mean with someone who really cares and really understands their issues, who they can truly and honestly open up and say the truth to? Because the thing is, men are not faulty and they aren't guilty and they aren't ever 100% wrong. There is always a kid inside who wants to do good, no matter how deep he may be buried. We are all just hanging on to some hopeless ideas of how to heal ourselves from hurt or loneliness and even though those ideas may not be not working very well, they provide some relief and are working better than nothing. The hypnotherapists job, in fact you can maybe simply say the job of love, is to see the good. To see the good no matter how bad the person thinks themselves to be, no matter how much they are suffering or believe bad things about themselves. Send them love, believe in them, and hand them their miracle. Put it there in front of them and say go on, I dare you, live and love like you truly truly wish you could. The anger is only hurting you, the one you are frustrated with doesn't even know what you are thinking, or doesn't care, or is so old now they need you more than you need them, or is already dead. Or whatever it may be. I'm not saying hypnotherapy is guaranteed to work, it completely depends upon the individuals true wish to fix themselves, but damn it does work well in those situations. That might sound evangelistic, but I really truly believe it, I experience it and I do it for others. It usually requires a lot of forgiveness - of others and of ourselves - frequently needs a lot of anger and frustration to be released, but eventually when an individual accepts themselves as they are, 100%, human, making mistakes, lacking self control, fucking up and realising we are all like that then... wow. The world changes. I could write and write about this but eventually it all comes down to self acceptance, love and forgiveness. The world is full of light and shade and the quicker we come to accept the dark side of ourselves then the easier the tension inside us will release. With that, the need to find a momentary inner oblivion or hit of life through some sexual outlet or other disappears. Instead of wanting to wank off for a moment of connection in the pain and aloneness, the world starts to show its love. And that, honestly, is what this is all about.

Why hypnosis? Because it gets straight to the subconscious and that's where our feelings and habits lie. A year of psychotherapy might never get to the subconscious and do what a few session of hypnosis can achieve. I wont sell it any more but if you want any further answers let me know, if just one person can lift their head above all this stuff and breathe again in peace then its all worthwhile.

I know this sounds simplistic and I apologise for that, I can imagine people here have been suffering for years. I mean nothing other than to help so if you think my words are stupid that's fine, I don't have all the answers but maybe some of you may find this at the right moment. Ask me whatever you like if it will help.

After comments doubting the validity:

There are aspects of hypnosis that we all fear and for good reason. The whole reason we are advertised to on the tv is in the advertising executive's hope that the tv has already put us into a hypnotic trance where those evil advertising suggestions will just slip through. Propaganda is another example, Nazi Germany. People can be led to do things seemingly against their will if the environment supports it and scratches an itch within them. Lets be honest, porn is hypnotic. The tv hypnotic argument actually is mute, because people have willingly chosen to go into that hypnotic trance much like when you go see a movie at the cinema. You quite deliberately suspend reality to go to a fun place in your mind, you make believe. Similarly with porn, its an act of choice: people want to suspend reality for a moment and feel the love or connection or release. The propaganda argument is harder to grapple with because it includes so many factors: social norms, peer group pressure and so on make up one side but then the individual's personal anger, frustration or sheer boredom with the routine of life can make them choose to believe things that they might not otherwise wish to believe. People have a dark side that can be triggered easily if they suffer enough. So yes, lets say its possible. Lets not simply deny that possibility, but lets put it into the context that good and bad lives in the world, light and shade, and we all have choices to make every moment of every day. Just because you deny the bad doesn't make it go away.

But lets now go to what I’m talking about, not hypnotism of the masses but one-on-one therapy. Here, hypnotism brings about a state of heightened awareness within the individual. They aren’t asleep, they aren’t numb, they are vividly (and I mean really vividly) aware. They are in no way giving up their will and their willpower is definitely not weakened. I would debate how strong willpower is anyway: if we could fix things through willpower then honestly there would be no-one on this website. Willpower on its own doesn’t work. Instead, I’m talking here about a state where your conscious mind, with all that judgement and criticism and blather and armour, takes a seat next to you in the passenger seat of the car. He’s there the second you need him, he hasn’t gone away anywhere, but he’s chosen for a small moment to sit back and let you communicate with your inner mind. So you can see your truth, so you can learn and maybe love yourself, not so you can rub out your truths and replace them with someone else’s. I assure you, the second your conscious mind gets a sense that someone is trying to manipulate your thoughts, that door will slam shut and you will wake up. People on stage do crazy things in hypnotic trance because they want to, they want the freedom of making a fool of themselves on stage and blaming the hypnotist afterwards - they love the freedom to be silly. I hope that makes it clear. You say “there is no human worthy of such a trust, and no sane mind would seek to relinquish his or her own rights and powers in such a manner” but in so saying you are assuming that an individual just rolls over and gives in to the hypnotist; but nobody gives up their rights. The only reason the hypnotic contract works is because the two people decide in unison to do their best to help fix a problem. And seriously, the second you as the client feel that’s not what’s occurring, you will wake up mad as hell. So it’s not going to happen. But yes, you need to find someone you trust, obviously. You need rapport and respect and a room where there is no judgement, where all is open, to be able to tell someone all those things that you’ve been trying hard to cover up all your life. But that’s part of the magic.

And moreover, the hypnotherapist is not there to fix the problem for you, he’s there as your guide to help you understand what is causing you to act in the way you do. He’s not perfect, he doesn’t have all the answers and he cannot fix the problem for you because he cannot twist your mind. You, the client, do all the work, but the reason you do it is because all the presumptions of your conscious brain (the one that has been trying to fix it for years and failed?) has decided that maybe his isn’t the only way so go on, see what you can do. I’m here if you need- just pull the alarm chord. The whole thing is a very welcome and vivid act of choice and consent and learning. You will become aware of things you had completely forgotten.


“Essentially, it (hypnosis) is an act of desperation in the vain hope for an easy shortcut for the one who fails to properly exercise his or her own willpower.” Yep, maybe this one is partly true (although it is not an easy shortcut). You’ve tried willpower and it hasn’t worked. You really want it to work, you have the will, but it just doesn't seem to be sufficient. You’ve tried psychotherapy and it hasn’t worked. You’ve tried religion and it hasn’t worked. You’ve tried visiting a shaman and going into an orgiastic rite and it hasn’t worked. So back of the list, oh my god have I sunk this low?, is the hypnotherapist. What the hell, I’ve tried everything else. I see this often. Let me say this as often as it needs to be said: if willpower worked, this website wouldn’t need to be here. If you want on a later post I can give you a more thorough explanation of why hypnotherapy works but hypnosis works in conjunction with your will, not against it.


There is no weakening of one person's will nor is there domination. There is no manipulation, the client does the work they want to do in the way they want to do with a hypnotherapist accompanying them on the journey. In the environment I'm talking about, both people have the same goal - to help the client - so the client doesn't give up anything, indeed he gains strength and awareness. There's no bending of the will, no weakening of the spirit, no manipulation. If anything the client will be secured, their spirit strengthened as their self awareness increases. What we are talking about here is knowing ones self better and accepting ones self as one is: the person grows through hypnosis, they do not weaken. They aren't led down some path they don't want to go, they go down the path they choose and the process is a revelatory one.

 

Pffft shame, I assume this is in America? If you want I can show you how to do it to yourself by zoom if the time zone can work, no charge. I'm in Switzerland.

 

Yeah you certainly need to want to fix the problem and be open to the possibility that it could work. The only thing that will stop it working is fear of losing control. But I have a number of examples of people who said it wasn't going to work for them, all of whom it worked for. A couple told me they had tried it before and just didnt feel hypnotised, one told me their imagination wasn't very good so they didn't think they would be good at it, another told me English was their second language so they probably wouldnt get it, another was so much of an analytical control mechanism that they simply were afraid of what might happen if they let go, another kept opening their eyes to check with me if they were doing it properly... it worked with them all. But then, I only work with the ones who I am sure are really really looking for a solution. Its a bit like a smoker kinda wanting to give up, but a part of them really quite likes the smoke: no amount of therapy will ever get someone in that circumstance to kick the habit even if outwardly they say they would like to. Similarly if someone says they would like to give it a try, its just not a committent.

 

So far I have only worked with one who had a sexual issue like this, that's why I posted the question here to see if other people had any experience of it. I simply work with the issues that people present to me. Hypnosis can have absolutely profound benefits for a person in pretty much any aspect of their life that they are willing to confront their emotions of and open up to. I know that sounds like a high sell but truly, we have so much power within ourselves to heal ourselves, its just that most the time we actually have deeply held beliefs that hurt or sabotage us. People can make themselves physically ill with their beliefs and so shifting that can have remarkable results. Everyone is different but i think the message is not to give up, take responsibility and start to choose the life you want to live. So to answer your questions more directly, I work with people with a whole variety of issues. The one who wanted to quit porn was using it as a mask to smooth some of the hurt and anger in his life. Whenever he felt out of control and frustrated, porn was like an escape valve that allowed him to avoid all the complicated emotions within him. It gave him back control for a few seconds and then he made himself suffer under a weight of guilt, shame and self disgust. And that made him hurt more so he turned to porn more and the vicious cycle was impacting his life badly. He had also turned to alcohol. So with hypnosis, he went through the door, felt all the issues, learned about what the hell he was hurting about deep down in his unconscious, learned to forgive others and most importantly to forgive himself, and then set about re-assessing his beliefs in life. Its like a set of bowling pins: find the first one and you can trigger a beneficial reassessment of someone's entire life experience. Its a little bit like having a second chance at life. Everybody has a different set of causes, explanations and justifications for their life circumstances; some come as a victim of an unfair life, other as a dominator, a manipulator, a defensive infant, everyone has learned different coping mechanisms and habits to get the things they need. That one i mention ended up seeing life in a completely transformed way, he stopped being a perfectionist, stopped judging himself so harshly and actually started to like himself. That was a big shift in itself. That became taking care of himself and respecting himself and ultimately loving himself. When you love yourself its pretty hard to hurt yourself and so you instantly look at your actions in a new way. So then you have someone with a changed outlook on life but a pretty stinky set of habits, habits that still are serving you in some way or other even if its only for a brief moment of fantasy control, and so then you set about changing the habits, changing the trigger points, getting him to see the good in others and letting them see him. He ended up letting his armour come down and letting people see him as the kind and slightly vulnerable person he really was, and that person was of course far more lovable than the facade he was projecting beforehand. So yes, it can have remarkable results. I saw him smile in ways you wouldnt think could have been possible the first time i met him. In general, not talking about PMO, people come to accept themselves, forgive themselves, love themselves, relax, trust life and stop trying to force life, stop punishing themselves, stop the inner belief that they are bad or that they deserve to suffer... and smile. All those toxic thoughts we try so hard to hide from the world - the ones that if you really knew me, you wouldn't love me - you learn in hypnosis that actually you were a good kid, you tried your best, you made some mistakes but you did the best you could at the time with the best of intentions. You learn how to look at others who may have hurt you in the past in the light of their own lives and you learn to forgive them and eventually to thank all the experiences of your life for leading up to the moment that you stand at today, knowledgable, wiser than if all that crap had never happened, and ready to make a decision to live the life you want to live before it all ends. Life is short. There's a lot more to it than this, but that's a pretty good start. Addictions are hard though, so the b est thing is to remain humble.