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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Xtownsend, Aug 25, 2019.
I think you have a common problem of many men. You need more experience and confidence with relationships in general, with yourself and practice being with woman to find out what they want. It sounds like your ED comes from nervousness. I suggest you get the book,”How to succeed with woman” and devour it. Make this a personal project and you will discover that you are not that f’d up. More foreplay before intercourse will calm you down in the moment, also.
Depends on your beliefs and morals. I've seen a few escorts before. No regrets (except one time when I paid way too much money).
Start dating a Milf, maybe you'll get a free lesson.
I think you should work on yourself. If you hire an escort, you're essentially substituting PMO for something that could lead to more problems. Finding a person to sleep with could also be detrimental, as you are still substituting PMO, and you may find yourself going back to PMO out of frustration. Most importantly, why do you care so much about something that is ultimately meaningless? The concept of virginity is rooted in religion and societal BS. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and you are only doing yourself a disservice by pursuing a sexual encounter just for the purpose of losing your virginity.
I didn't have sex until I was 23. I was in a brief relationship at the time, and I was heavily into PMO as well. I wasn't ready for that, and the only thing I really cared about was having sex. Basically, that fling fizzled out and I didn't have sex for years. I was too preoccupied with PMO and my own selfish interests to date anyone. I had very little life skills, and I was living like a perpetual adolescent. I never pursued anything worthwhile, and these things affect my relationship today. I have been with my my partner for close to three years, and honestly things are teetering on collapse. Why? I don't have a real life. I'm just living day to day and not aiming higher. These are things to consider, because working on yourself and bettering yourself can prepare you for the future.
I'm not saying that you will go down the same road. I have never told anyone this stuff, so please forgive me for being so candid. I think that that you should consider putting off this pursuit until you have worked out all the stuff that may be holding you back. If you make a decision like this, you can't take unmake it.
I'm reading a lot of things about the "need" to have sex... Well, you have to get in the head that:
If you don't eat you die, if you don't drink you die, if you don't breathe you die, but NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE SEX: it's just a matter of culture, because media, society and "scientists" still sell you the idea of sex as a primary need. If you wanna be free from yourself, ABSTAIN FROM SEX and you'll see the benefits. It's not a matter of being necessarily a good Catholic such as I try to be (despite my limits): it's a matter of being free from yourself and overcome your failing nature (remember: nature is not that good, as you think).
However it goes, a lot of people say that it's something pandering your natural urges, so it's right to do it when you "need" it. And this is something that pisses me off, because there are too many destroyed lifes because of sex. Just do it with your WIFE, if you really want it, and without any condom on contraception.
My brother had his first time with a girlfriend that he used to have, despite his Catholic education. The result? He felt too much engaged to a girl that wasn't his right one, and he felt kinda addicted to her. Then, after he broke up with her, he had other experiences with random girls - I hope for him they weren't escorts - just for pleasure, trying to get rid of any kind of affection in it. Result? He was deeply unhappy, frustrated in his life and most of all unable to control himself in anything: food, videogames, time wasting, impulsivity and much more.
Don't get fooled from your own nature, because it's a lie!
Anyway, is it all real that human nature is the main reason for sexual urges? Don't think so. Try to tell the children how their parents have other children: you'll see that they will have a deep sense of disgust, and for sure they'll be shocked! This is what happened to me at the age of 12, even if I started MOing without any knowledge of what I was doing... I've been refusing anything related to sex or anal sex for so long, and just as long as I got corrupted by this evil I discovered the pleasure of seeing sex and how nice should be having it (even if I never did it).
There has been a period of my life when I looked to P without any nudity, and probably I still have it but so much less than before... This is probably why I had my weird fetishes, but I'm not pretty sure about it.
Anyway, children mostly represent how human nature should be, and as we go on rebooting we have to be like them more and more.
And one more thing: if you take a look at this article https://www.scienceforums.net/topic/63033-celibacy-and-longevity/ you'll see that abstaining from sex will benefit your health, because sex is a waste of precious energy supposed to be employed from your body to your immune system, and this is the testimony of a 107 years old man:
Nobody wants you to know it, because otherwise porn business and sex trafficking will loose out a lot!
I think most people who posit that sex is a need turn to the animal kingdom for guidance. The theory goes that we're really just primates and like all primates, have a need for sex. I think some evidence to the contrary of this view is all the priests, monks, ascetics, and saints that do not have sex. There are also the happy marriages of a bygone era that were built on monogomy and fidelity. Saying "it's natural, therefore it's right," is absurd as animals have no concept of right and wrong.
Where I think you're a little off base is saying that children are closer to human nature and they find sex disgusting. Children are simply not mature enough to have an informed opinion on adult matters such as sex. The same kid who says "ew" about sex also says "ew" about eating his broccoli. I think this appeal to childhood (as if children are somehow our moral superiors) is flawed reasoning. Children's consciences have yet to reach maturity.
Regarding your brother's experience, from what I've read, it's all too common. When one has sex, he forms an intimate bond with that individual and that individual may not be the right one for him. This can lead to emotional baggage that follows the sex partners into their marriages.
Stick to your guns, man. I hope you find the right one.
I think you're twisting his words a little bit. He never said not to EVER have sex but to have sex with your wife and only your wife and to do it without contraception, ie. have kids - exactly what you're saying.
I don't think you'll ever get an answer to this question. Everyone has a different perception of the subject, whether religion comes into or not. It's always going to be contentious. I see both sides of the argument. There is no easy answer. Personally I don't think seeing an escort is the answer. I was only 24 myself when I lost mine. I can see why some would as they would like some experience and to finally banish that 'virgin' stigma that society places on people. However, if you do decide to go ahead then who cares? It's your life after all. I don't think seeing an escort will 'fix' everything as there is no easy answer to anything. We are all on here because we have a problem with PMO. Ultimately it's your decision and no one will judge you whatever you decide.
Not worth my friend, I did it when I was 18, and it was because of a small pain in my testicles at dawn, I went to a medical appointment with my mother, and the doctor, I wonder if I had had sexual relaxations and I said no, then I humiliated myself before my mother, a lot of shame ... I later hired a girl, and I really didn't like it, because I discovered that there was no love, just pleasure, I hadn't had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, then Now I am 25 years old and 3 years ago I stopped having sexual relaxation, I practice the punishment because I am a Christian .. My English is not good, I wrote it with my google translator .. greetings from Ecuador
I know people who keep on abstaining from sex even in the marriage. Two of them, husband and wife, had sex just the times they had children, and now the youngest of these 4 brothers is 18 years. They have a happy, active and tranquil life, despite familiar problems. They have a great spirit of sacrifice and still have a smile on their faces. Maybe he's gonna have genital issues or hormone issues but he doesn't look like that, and he lives very well.
My grandma lost her husband in 1986 and he never dated other men and never had sex anymore, but I think that she stopped having sex even before he died, as I know her.
All these people have many problems, for sure, but they are so much more able to really love the next one than anybody else
If its your first just roll with it brother. No need to hire anyone. That can open other doors not needed. Nowadays you can date easier. Get online and date. Go slow. Explore. Be open about your experience to those your comfy with. Id definitly explore heavy petting first (oral ,pumpjack etc). I know many women whod actually flock to someone like you! An enjoy it in a good way. Dont be nervous and just remember to be positive and respectful. Shield your heart a bit because as many will tell you some men are weakest or strongest after they shoot the 16 lb gun. Its like the sweet spot in armour. Many want to love,yet some want to leave. It accents character traits Id say. Also- be careful of after the first time. If your like most- youll crawl,then go fast,then after awhile youll feel like a pro and take off running. Just keep it idle and find your pace along w/whoever you choose.
I somewhat have to agree here. It's good to start somewhere. But it's no guarantee you will get laid outside prostitutes. Some people even say prostitutes don't count. So maybe it doesn't matter. But take me as an example. I'm 34. Had many times sex, but only with prostitutes. Then again, I had some private 'circumstances' that cost me 10 years of my life. I always wanted a girlfriend, from a very early age on. But I also knew I didn't know how to get to one. My lack of social skills and crippling anxiety and lack of experience in communicating with women are all things that I had to deal with for a long time. It's less now, but damnit it's still too much present.
When you're my age, chances of getting a (decent) girlfriend decrease severely. Why? Because many women around this age are either settled, already have kids, serious baggage, and from what I see a whole lot of them think they deserve that 25 year old, 1.90 metres tall, muscular photo model with money flying out of his pockets whenever he gets out of his limousine - all this while they themselves are over 30 or beyond, approaching that crucial phase where you must hurry up a bit if you still want to bear healthy children or be able to bear children in the first place. Often these women are not even that attractive. I'm serious here. I'm not MGTOW, or any of that stuff, this is just real life stuff from a lot of swiping and browsing experience.
P.S. Prostitutes might not solve the reason why you are still a virgin. At such a young age, there's fortunately plenty of time and oppertunity to learn the essentials to get closer to women. My advice would be to go out there. Really, don't do like I did, and play video games all day and stay inside. Try to get closer to women, talk to them, build confidence through every little success you have, no matter how small.
i'm over 30 years old and was never in a relationship.
I lost my virginity through prostitutes and since then i had slept with over 100 different prostitutes.
Here in Germany is prostitution legal and 20 Minutes with blowing and sex costs only 50 €.
Based on my experience i would suggest to go to them. Because you will definitely learn how to act/have sex with Women.
In the beginning i was allways nervous, but now it become a standard procedure. Prostitutes are specialist, you will learn a lot from them.
At the moment i'm not go to prostitutes, because i want to achieve 365 days NoFap (relapsed yesterday ). Your end goal should be to work on yourself, so that women are attracted to you.
That why, i say go for it!
You should capitalize on your finances and then if possible you can attend virginity auctions (in places where its legal).Best part is these virgin women are disposable.You can pop a lot if your well off.
Real sex with a woman you love has nothing to do with sex with a prostitute. It's like paying someone to be your friend. Would you say it is the same as a real friend ? Even better since this guy is a pro ?
This is what I understood too. And basically what I agree with. Indeed Nofap is just a step (even if some guys choose not to have sex like monks for instance) but then having sex with your wife, or at least someone you have feelings for is, in my opinion, the right way of having sex. Some won't agree but anyway, nobody said we shouldn't have sex and then shouldn't reproduce. Actually, those who have sex for pleasure ("nature's way") use contraception...
I hope you do not mean you punished yourself then. Just for you to know, I know the topic quite well and you do not have to punish yourself at all ! You basically have to (sincerely) ask for forgiveness if you have sinned.
I would rather be addicted to porn and masturbation than to prostitutes, to be honest. Easily.
you can decide to not change anything man, it's your life. You can be addicted to whatever you prefer.
I was on the same place as you a week ago (altho i'm 21) all i can say is don't stress about, virgin is just a title, search for a girl you can have a connection with and not just sex. It's waaay more enjoyable
I wouldn't, but I'm not you.