Hi, I’m kind of new here. I’m 15, a guy, and I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for about 6 months now, one of my longest and most serious relationships. Now before I go into the problem, I just want to note that my significant other has had serious issues with suicide/depression in the past, and is very insecure about her body. She is a lot better now, thank god. And some stuff about me- I’ve had a serious addiction from the age of 8, so when all of this started, I was in the mindset where at the time, didnt think what I was doing was bad. So about 3 months ago, she went through my saved images on instagram and found pictures of girls on there, both from our school and randoms. And the minute that happened, everytime I saw her in person it would always start and end with her in tears, and it physically and mentally shattered my heart. It hurt to see the person I loved most in pain, from some stupid impulses that inevitably led to fapping. Eventually it got better, I had promised her that I would not masturbate to porn or pictures or anything of the sort at all, and for a while I did just that. Then about more than half a month later, after everything is mainly okay, I relapsed hard. It kept happening more often, and every time I felt worse after I did it, but these impulses just came like bullets to me everytime I saw a picture “of the sort”. It got to the point where I even masturbated to pictures of some of her friends, and from there I started to feel worse and worse. I had never even considered to ever tell her about any of this, because I could not risk her going back to her dark place, and doing something she cannot come back from. Fastforward to about two weeks ago, was the last time I fapped to anything besides her, and I went on a trip for another two weeks. And since the start of it, I hadnt fapped to anything, again, besides her, and when I came back and saw her, I felt seriously awkward and awful. It was only after yesterday when i saw her for a full day after weeks, that I started to feel overwhelmed with guilt and sickness. I cant be with her without thinking of everything i had done two weeks prior, and its gotten to the point where I woke up and cried this morning. I felt so miserable- somewhat better as of now, but I know later it’ll happen again. I don’t know what to do- I cant go without remembering those things I did, and god knows i cant tell her, it hurts to even think of such a thought. I love her with all of my heart. I cried this morning telling myself that I have to just put it behind me, and not let something this ridiculous of me to be the end of a beautiful relationship, and that I wont ever do something like this again. But I dont know- the thoughts and memories of what i do just keep coming, and i cant take it. It hurts to think about. I don’t know what to do. Everything is becoming so overwhelming.