I’m new here. Also seeking advice.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Charfonglee, Mar 10, 2020.

  1. Charfonglee

    Charfonglee Fapstronaut

    I have found the addict part of my brain justifies PMO. It’s always what gets me when I relapse.

    I’m starting this forum thing now as I have wanted, and tried on and off to stop for the past 4 years. Additionally, I hate even more how porn has manipulated my sex life. I have failed more times than countable, that’s for sure.

    My life is honestly pretty great, I’m with an incredibly beautiful and amazing girl, and we have been invited to attend an incredible university together.

    However, my addiction has kind of dampened a lot of that happiness for me. It simply makes one less satisfied with life. It has ruined many parts of my life. The way I view women, my sexual satisfaction, etc.

    I would do many things to simply shut it off. I wish there was a button I could use to erase those porn desires from my mind. What I would give for that!

    I want to stop more than anything. Even being upfront with my girlfriend and asking for her help with accountability didn’t work in the long run. My hope is that I can overcoming it through multitude outlets. I still need to talk about it. I’m hoping the last step is is involving myself in this community.

    I have been clean for about a week now, so that’s something.

    Please feel free to ask questions. I believe that talking about it helps me.

    Additionally, I have a question:

    If I’m rebooting, should I not have sex?

    Also, most of my relapses happen when my girlfriend is away (the relationship gives me a lot of motivation) during spring break, and it is likely that she will be gone. What should I do or focus on?

    I want to achieve the most effective and long term solution. I want to make it go away. I need it to.

    p.s: my girlfriend helped me find this forum, so we work as a team on this. Just some context.
    SoldierofGod and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Hey Charfonglee, sex during a reboot had been discussed a lot. The consensus is that you can have sex but it will make the time to reboot longer.
    If sex-during-reboot works for you, go for it! But if it does not work, try a 90 days sexual sobriety.

    I think it is great you girlfriend is so supportive. Talking is essential. But at some point you need to show changes too. And those changes might not be directly linked to the pmo addiction. A change could be to clean, change or paint the house, or join a club. Doing something for yourself and for the two of you. Stay busy with good things.
    samnf1990 likes this.
  3. Charfonglee

    Charfonglee Fapstronaut

    Thanks, I appreciate the advice.
  4. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

    If you are more at risk of relapse when she is away-consider why. If having lots of free time and little to fill it, you are more likely to relapse. Make plans in advance. Be proactive about having wholesome, healthy activities to fill that time with. Be good to yourself. There are ways to feel happy in the moment that don't make you feel shitty afterwards: exercise, reading, socialising with friends, being creative. Plan to do something like this, so you don't fall into old habits to feel less lonely or bored. Also, avoid computers, laptops, tablets unless you have a specific reason for wanting to use it (and obviously, that reason can't be PMO). While you are in these early days, make sure you always use these devices around other people. Go to the library, sit in the living room with family or housemates, get out to a café. While you struggle to make good decisions when alone, avoid being alone. Choosing to leave the house is choosing not to fail. Make that decision often, and allow ypurself to feel great about choosing not to risk PMO.

    Great work so far. Good luck hitting all the upcoming milestones. If you can do 10 days clean, you can do another 10. At that point, another 10 is easy. Once you're there at 30 days, 90 starts to seem doable. It is. One day at a time, one good decision after another.

    Good luck!
    Charfonglee likes this.

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