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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zeke27, Aug 4, 2021.
This sounds deeply painful and also something which may benefit from professional support.
Of course our appearances impact how other's view us, and how we view ourselves, both men and women. It is a painful part of being human.
A starting point seems to be to acknowledge the pain, and understand it.
Also you might consider what things about your appearance are truly fixed, and if any can change. For example, weight? Or style of dress? Or hairstyle? Or dental work? Or skin treatment. Those may be areas over which you have some control. Of course women get implants or face-lift or nose jobs. For some maybe that helps.
Next and most importantly may be to begin to have others help you to assess and recognize objectively what is beautiful in your inner self, skills, personality, etc. This certainly won't eliminate the feelings about appearances. But it may help you to begin to cope with some external things you cannot change, and value the beauty within.
Of course my words are extremely superficial and easy to say. It is a difficult process to cope and deserves patience and compassion and time. It is not something you can overcome easily or fast.
First try to be gentle with yourself and search out support. Also a religious counselor may help since they emphasize the importance of inner value and worth beyond human standards.
Also consult sources about how women cope with appearances, because they struggle even more than men I suspect.
I hope that offers some ideas.
Hang in there. It is not easy to struggle with such things.
How many times a day do you think about this?
Negative thoughts are building your depression and causing side effects like bad social skills. Those are the same as P. thoughts, and you know that in order to succeed with nofap you must block P. thoughts. The same applies to depressive thoughts about your looks, try to block them.
I always wondered how some ugly guys get beautiful woman. Maybe they just are not aware they are ugly, or they don't care about it.
Or they are Rasputin and use dark magic.
Probably Yes - controlling own thoughts is like black magic to me, but maybe for some individuals it's easy as eating cake.
Too many at the day
I remember this film called Mask, and how it eased my own pain about difference. The theme seems relevant.
Please read the reviews and consider watching it with someone who cares about you.
Also, stopping thoughts is certainly a potential strategy from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Or distraction from them.
But a newer Therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy points out sometimes stopping thoughts has the opposite effect. The example is:
If I say, stop thinking about Pink Elephants you may think more about them.
I am not religious, but religious people say God sees you are beautiful just the way you are.
I'm really sorry you feel this way man. I'll echo the others in the thread by simply saying professional help would be a great start. Idk what you look like but I'm sure you look perfectly fine. Do you struggle to take care of your needs like showering, brushing teeth, grooming, etc? I find if those basics are lacking it can usually make people feel even uglier not just because of the appearance but the lack of self care. Do you attribute your looks to things you can't get in life or things you can't control? Because that'll make you beat yourself up even more and its a loser's game. I'm not a good looking guy, but I realized it has minimal impact on my life and my goals. If I can realize that just being a regular guy, so can you.
You are not ugly
well tell me what is ur most unattractive features
Hair loss, skinny, moles and lack of money
Yeah, I feel you. Nowadays, a lot of guys have that beauty privilege, and it's sick.
I am too, but I can't do much about it.
Who told you were ugly send that face. I will tell you.
I am coping with hair loss as well and to tell you the truth it really makes a dent in my confidence. I am currently unemployed due to Covid and my home financials have not been doing good too. I feel like a wasted person just endlessly waking up, eating and sleeping. However, I have recently started doing some exercises and meditation which have helped me a little. However, I have still have a very long way to go. I have a big scar on my upper right head which looks really bad, especially in low or very bright light and I always notice whenever people talk to me or meet me for the first time they always look slightly up towards my head and notice the scar.
I know it really hurts but take comfort in the fact that you are not alone brother. And like others said send us your face, remember we are all God's creatures and there is beauty in everything and everyone.
That does not sound attractive to me.
Are you feeling OK?
How are you unattractive aswell?
Send your face to someone and let them tell you. Or, ask your friends.
You guys are not unattractive.
If the problem is posture, then it's correctable. Bad posture is because of weak muscles in some areas of the body, not because of bone sructure. The muscles have become weak over time. You can improve your posture, by training your weak muscles.
My posture is also bad. I am working on it for 20 days and I have improved a bit.
I know how hard it is but let's think about why you feel bad about it. One is that society sees hair loss as a failure and regardless we liking it or not its very hard to deal with it due to the people around sometimes making stupid comments about it. And not having money its not part of you.