I’m starting to realize how bad I actually am

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Bosniak-Trigger, Nov 13, 2018.

  1. Bosniak-Trigger

    Bosniak-Trigger Fapstronaut

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    I’m currently on day 3, the longest streak I’ve had in 3 years. I feel that I have much more energy than usual but I’m feeling much more depressed. I’m starting to realize how much of a loser I actually am and how I have almost zero friends outside of my family. I was planning on asking this girl in class who I’ve been talking to for a while for her number. Then today I just thought to myself, I’m almost 17 and I don’t even have my drivers permit and I stutter or mess up words every now and then when I’m anxious. I’m gonna keep going on this streak as porn is a total turnoff for me now seeing how much it’s destroyed my life.
     
  2. beirut93

    beirut93 Fapstronaut

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    its a good way to start and read books about porn addiction. this will help you to cut it out of your life. also, try to have a conversation with your addict self when it is trying to make you relapse. it helps me to fight the addiction. keep it up. here the book name

    Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession and Shame by George Collins


     
  3. RobbyGo36

    RobbyGo36 Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on 3 days and thank you for being here. You say 'almost zero' friends so I'm going to infer theres at least one non-family friend at your side. Thats okay. Believe it or not, there are successful people with loads of friends and they're not close to a single one of them. Add that to the fact that you want to quit an addictive behavior while you're still a teen, and you're doing much better than you think.

    On the depression issue, I hear you. I've had it since I was your age too (now 37). There are no adequate words to describe the feelings and if its been a persistent part of your life for a while now, then it would be a good idea to see what therapy and medication can do. They aren't a cure all, but in my experience they can level you out a bit.

    I don't know if this is your experience, but in mine, cloudy depressive episodes last at most a couple hours before something pulls me out of it. Nothing last forever, even bad feelings. Its good to keep this perspective so that you don't get yourself down further by thinking it won't ever lift. It will, soon enough. Again this doesn't mean its not good to seek help for them in the long term (it definetly is), just that the short-term episodes aren't worth the worry.

    And if it makes you feel better, I asked out my Senior Prom date in an elective class, and I didn't have a license. Didnt faze her at all. She somehow got a Corvette and drove us there and we had a great time. So go for it man!
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2018
  4. beirut93

    beirut93 Fapstronaut

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    this is golden. remind yourself of it every day! i´m unemployed for a year and this is the thing that still keeps me going. somedays i want to give up but giving up is not an option ;)
     
  5. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    Things aren't that bad, trust me. Now you just gotta start grinding to make your life better. Quitting porn is a great start.
     
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  6. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    None of those things matter - what matters is you get up on your feet and put the past behind and become who you were created to be. No matter how bad your life is you get to choose how you respond. PMO is a choice. PMO will not help you get up out of the pit - it will cast you into a mire forever. It is salt-water, it will never satisfy your true desire. You must learn to despise it to the point every fiber of your being says NO! to it. Make the choice and continue to weaken the desire with your reboot.
     
  7. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    I am much like you. Just know your not the only one out there with a low self esteem. The way to get a better self esteem is to do things that make you proud of yourself.
     
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  8. 3ottersinatrenchcoat

    3ottersinatrenchcoat New Fapstronaut

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    ...Hoo, boy, there's going to be a bit of text here, and I hope it helps.

    23 y.o. male, here. Not *too* much older than you, but enough to have had a few years to think about this.

    Having felt the same in High School, I can safely tell you that your choice to try and distance yourself from porn now is going to be one of the more important decisions of your life.
    I envy you, honestly. I would've liked to have known about this community at 16 (It might have saved me a lot of existential problems...)

    In a couple years, once all the "mandatory" schooling is over, it will become MANY times more difficult to quit whilst struggling with adulting. Start now. Empower yourself here, and be confident in knowing that you have the time to make mistakes, and willpower to make it happen.

    If it helps, there IS a difference between mindless porn and educating yourself about sex. So many men are completely clueless about things that we really should be informed of. Living in America, personally, our education system is utter shit about SexEd. If you live here with me, trust me: You're even more ignorant than you realize. People tend to fear the Unknown, so mindfully inform yourself. You might feel healthier and more confident about it.

    (P.S.A. porn is always bad info; NOT education. ALWAYS acting.)

    Also: Stuttering isn't something to be ashamed of. I stutter too. Sometimes my mind works faster than my mouth and I have to backtrack midway through a syllable because I fused a couple of words together Frankenstein-style.
    I promise you that no one has brought it up out of cruelty after High School (some have even called it endearing, which is a little embarrassing) and those that I suspect might make mean-spirited comments are the kind of person whose minds never left their HS glory years. Whoever, wherever, whatever; They aren't my problem.

    I didn't get a license or car until I'd graduated. 19 y.o. actually. My choice. As a teen, my time was more valuable than money. We see cars as a statement of freedom. Liberating, right? But you need a part time job to cover gas, oil changes and car expenses, while putting you in different shackles. Teen-mobiles are a stupid fantasy, I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Focus less on status symbols and more on taking the journey to figure out who you are. You don't get this twice. It sucks having to do it all from zero whilst paying a lease.

    I wonder if you say you "feel like a loser" because you don't have something to do that feels meaningful to you. I felt that way, and it's how I found my way into the Maker Community. Maker Spaces are pretty much a global thing, and it's what it sounds like: A place where you make stuff. metal shop, wood, 3D printers... The people there are always super quirky, equal parts student and teacher. Most are volunteer groups(here because we love it, not to get paid.) Search Adam Savage on YouTube (of Mythbusters fame). HUGE maker, inspiring guy.
    Otherwise... Something on Meetup? Maybe D&D? Of course that's just nerdy ol' me. Could be anything... Just make sure you find something where you can think "I can do something with this. I can be passionate with what I have here." You'll know when you have something.

    When it comes to relationships, remember this:
    Love is not an emotion. Love is a choice.
    Falling in love based on emotion alone is a recipe for trouble. Dating apps function on looks first - that's lust, and lust fades. Those "going to a bar" sorts of things work like the chef's expression, "Throwing things at a wall to see what sticks." If you want to do that by trial and error, you have to be ready with ice for burns. And you WILL get burned.

    Don't date the cheerleader if you're a nerd who like video games and she doesn't. Not because "She's out of your league"(I'm rolling my eyes here.) No. It's because she doesn't fucking like video games. Intelligent conversation gets REAL difficult with a cardboard cutout of a Kardashian.

    *joking* Side note, did you know people of different genders can actually be friends?

    The whole "Friend Zone" circle jerk was made up by salty boys throwing a tantrum because free will exists. Don't expect that "nice" nets you romance. Being single is awesome. And a friend, who is a girl, is like a girlfriend where no one expects the other to dress nice and buy expensive things as gifts. There's a different feeling you get from having a friend you don't have to impress, and who likes your doofus side. It's a different kind of depth. Just be sure to get past the awkward part where each person tries to figure out if the other one is flirting. Make yourself a promise: "No-one's expecting dates, no one's expecting sex".

    And, if (*IF*) after this, you both eventually decide you DO want to date, it will have happened organically, in a way that you aren't strangers across a room. Ice broken, all clear.

    Last thoughts: I have a deep respect for you. This is a brave, mature decision. If you're reading this, and find yourself paying attention, it's because you believe in being here. Teens like you who choose to be here are the kinds of people who will succeed in life. "Good" people are good because they have seen and touched their own darkness, to come to know it as the thing they chose not to be.

    These three otters in a trench coat believe in you, friend!
     
  9. DickMiller45

    DickMiller45 Fapstronaut

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    1000% yes. Save this post and read it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next... (Well done, TOIATC.)
     
  10. beirut93

    beirut93 Fapstronaut

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    quick heads up, if you cut out the porn long enough (2-3 weeks) even the stuttering will go away. i had it for years and it totally vanished at some point. you´ll also be able to look people in the eyes again. come, get your bounty, but you´ll have to make it to 2 weeks first ;)
     
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  11. Bosniak-Trigger

    Bosniak-Trigger Fapstronaut

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  12. luisthatguy

    luisthatguy New Fapstronaut

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    You’re good I have a friend who’s 21 and has no license but got a chick lmao
     
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  13. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Hey Bosniak, some thoughts for perspective.

    I got my license when I was 21 (too afraid to make the phone calls to get the driving instruction when I was in high school) and a friend who got his when he was 27.

    You are 17. Your life is not destroyed, it is just beginning.
     
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  14. Toby430

    Toby430 Fapstronaut

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    First off you are NOT a loser. youre barely 17. youre not gonna be mr suave right away. it might take some time, but for now continue on your nofap journey to have clarity.
     
  15. Shayanbi88

    Shayanbi88 New Fapstronaut

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    I got my license when I was 23 after failing 3 times in a row. It's not that important you know. Heck even my brother in law whom is 35 never got it (he doesn't even know how to drive and he doesn't care). And now that I do have a car I don't even drive it that much..maybe once or twice a week. Having a license or a car doesn't give you value as a person and any girl who would care about something like that in a guy is too shallow and not worth your attention anyway.
     
  16. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    For me, my life is currently revolving around me getting my license. I can finally start living my life. I don't have to rely on someone else driving me around and I can decide when and where I want to go. This is also a great plus when it comes to girls. I don't think any girl would be with a guy just cause he has a car, but it might be an extra benefit which that guy could offer.
     
  17. XosamaX

    XosamaX Fapstronaut

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    I really love you my friend :)
     
  18. Bosniak-Trigger

    Bosniak-Trigger Fapstronaut

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  19. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    From a man to another the fact that you don't have a driver lisence is no big deal even though i know that you used it to exemplify how fucked up things are for you. You still have time on your side, therefore if you commit to work on your anxiety you will achieve great results. Commit to improve yourself everyday and pretty quickly you will see the blessings coming your way brother. In 6 months you can accomplish a lot imagine in 1 or 2?
     
  20. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Three days without PMO is still better than none and the fact that you are only 17 is definitely not a disadvantage in your case. At your age, you are already aware of your issues and how PMO is making these worse and realize you need to quit ASAP. Many men don't realize this long into their 30's and 40's and do therefore not have as many years to steer things up.
    When I was your age, I had no clue about the damage that PMO had done to me and continued to do. I just saw myself as a freak of nature and tried to live with myself the way I was which had very negative effects on my confidence, self-esteem, drive and motivation. Although I don't dwell or mourn about the past too much, consider yourself very lucky to still have lots of time on your side.

    If you struggle a lot with PMO, I would suggest trying to cut-off pornography first before moving on to masturbation as well. For some, it is almost impossible to go from 100 km/h to 0 in one go so that's why I suggest stepping down before you master it.
     
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