I’ve Relapsed Yet Again: Please Help!!!! Need Advice

Deleted Account · Feb 16, 2019

Hello there everyone it’s Niko I’ve been on NoFap for about a month now starting it was an idea I had after the new year realizing that I am now twenty years old I have been dealing with porn addiction and depression and well other things it just took me ages to realize it. So my New Years resolution was to start NoFap so I could get my own brain back I’ve tried and relapsed multiple times just tonight I relapsed for the second night in a row. Now I have been going into all these categories from regular PMO to 3D to Hentai and all of these are extremely dangerous my mind feels numb and clear after I finish and I know it’s playing with me because it isn’t until I try to fight it is when it really hurts anyways I have scars on my you know what not healthy and my brain has been fogged and clouded for the last ten years killing me on the inside. I’m not a religious person and I’m terribly sorry if I offended anyone of their religious background but when I relapsed I start shaking and already feel weak and like I’ve lost going back into my addiction and when I’m looking at PMO I’m not happy or ok with it anymore I’m just ashamed and disgusted with myself. Then while going through the process I just want it to end and once it’s over I don’t feel anything but clearness in my head even though it’s normal because my brain hasn’t changed it’s still the same damaged mushed drug addicted state. It’s just toying with me making it seem alright. So I pray to lord and his son for forgiveness even though I’ve sinned and failed him yet again and that I don’t deserve his blessings. That he just try to watch over as I continue to study, research, fight and destroy my depression and addiction. That I don’t wanna stay like this and become one of the sick disgusting freaks and horrible horrific sick people who can’t be cured and end up in a bad place or when their time comes in the wrong part of the afterlife. I just wanna be free and rid of these thoughts of evilness and filth and I want the devil to be out of my life and my head so I may live my life happy again.

1 Tes. 4:3 · Feb 16, 2019

Hi Niko.

For me, one of the hardest parts of trying to quit is to gather strength to restart again after relapsing. The devil and your own mind play tricks on you and tell you "you'll never win" or make you dispair. But I we must at the very least keep trying. That is already a victory.

Pray for forgiveness, but also pray for less temptations and for strength when you are faced with them. I have also found help in reading the forums, as trying to help and comfort others helps you. Also reading the success stories and the failures reinforces the feeling that this is a thing we must overcome or die trying.

You can PM me too. Keep going strong.

ImpureHuman · Feb 16, 2019

We all are on the same boat. Just the stories and different but same situation.

Niko’s Fenko’s said: ↑

That he just try to watch over as I continue to study, research, fight and destroy my depression and addiction.
Click to expand...

This is what we can do now, stay strong and learn to fight the addiction every day. Triggers and urges, the conditioning of porn throughout the year of addiction. Every possible situation to PMO we are conditioned to do things in a certain way. Break those pattern. First is being alone in the home with Internet, smartphone. Think about all the situation that triggers your PMO session. I felt so horrible when I remembered mine on various occasions in the last 8 years and the personality I "successfully" hide from others. No word can contain the degree of shame and guilt that I carry now.

Now time to act. Just doing, One day at time..
No more PMO. stay strong..

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