I almost relapsed

So yesterday was the hardest most dangerous day of my streak. (BTW this is my first streak.) I was looking up girls on FB. So I did find this group of big girls. Really my type so I browsed pictures and wanted to get hard. It was not easy cause my brain is rewired and those girls was in light clothes so not totaly naked. So when I did get hard I got really horny. Still didnt touch myself cause that habit is now gone. Really didnt know what to do with myself. I went in shower to cool down, turned cold water and it was helping, saved me, no urges after that.

Anyway how it even got to such point and how I allowed myself so much and went so far - did matched with some really hot girl on dating app. We chatted on new year eve and she told me her life story how her BF died month before marriage 3 years ago. Shes now in my FB friends. So I saw her posting this picture with her in a reveling top exposing her large round breasts. And commented on it that I wish she worked at my work, would have something to look at.

Then few days later I was working with another hot girl - was looking at her for years since we work in same second floor but never talked or said Hi. Now this week spend 8 hours working in team(duo) and talking too a bit. Still wanted to have sex with her right there and then besides accidentally touched her large breast. Besides that we laughed and its been long time since I really laughed with someone. It felt great. She laughed at the way I talk and I laughed at the way she laugh and then she laughed because I laughed.
But this great time was exactly the problem cause I liked her more than friend besides really lonely lately and want my heart to give a break from all the girls. Next day I decided dont talk to her like I always did cause didnt wanted to get carried away since she have a husband and its against my principles. Despite that boss wanted me to work again together with her, I did other jobs like boss assistant wanted me to.
At the end of the night she looked at me with sad face.

Besides I have an friend who sometimes sends me dangerous vids - like normal vids but then unexpectedly scenes from porn happen there. Sometimes I dont watch them but sometimes take the risk. Last time took the risk and it ended with spider-man getting oral from a girl.

So all these triggers together and loneliness did played role. I understand that its a major setback and that I will have to keep my mind much cleaner to stay safe. Despite that I didnt fap and didnt orgasm, it scares me that I was so close to losing streak. Still lost some confidence. Dont want to end up like this guy -
I dont want to start with day 0 , day 3 and see small numbers again in my streak. It should be 3 digits always. Goal is to do year and then 500 days. Not necessary hard mode - PMO free but PM free for sure.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I be turning 29 years. No friends to celebrate with but still baking cake today with mom and perhaps will be going to bowling tomorrow alone, since its free to play in birthdays.

 

Yeah man it happens. Those girls in public are quite disturbing the peace. Better dont look at them longer than 1 sec.

Also what helped me the most when I started nofap was topic - In case you didnt know. Google it, its here on forum and have a lot of rules to follow and things that helps stay clean.