I always compare myself to other people

How do you feel now, considering the fact that you stayed true to yourself? What have been the benefits of it?

 

An excellent post Angus. I too have have paid the price for putting on an act. I've laughed at jokes I did not find funny and sucked up to those who rejected me eventually.
As Oscar Wilde once put it, be yourself everyone else is taken. The strain of such role playing has taken a heavy toll on me. I suspect that my sense of inferiority has been made worse by such behaviour. A deep sense of shame and a waste of my life are present.

 

There have been multiple benefits by wandering that path over the last two decades, despite those temporary feelings of grief, alienation, misanthropy, and frustration. Here are a few examples:

-By never having the need to put on an act and pretend to be someone else, it makes you congruent in every situation and people will really appreciate you for being you (with all of your imperfections) which feels great. It also saves you a lot of energy, anxiety and aggravation since you never need to think about how to act out next and whether he/she is going to like for that role I am playing.
-You know who your real friends are (and who are not) and surround yourself with these people who are accepting you and with whom you can build true and long-lasting friendships. Not material, superficial or fake ones which will lead to nothing but anxiety, despair, drama and pressure living up to a certain image.
-You strengthen your own sense of integrity, self-worth and centeredness and will become less gullible for the tricks from fake friends, scammers and other people who try to use you for their own benefits.
-It makes you become so comfortable in your own skin that you will never feel a need to seek others' approval, no matter what they might offer in return. Because for your part, approval can only be given to those who are genuine, more spiritually aware and aligned with themselves. Those abilities are usually lacking amongst people with a weak and conformist sense of self.
-It makes you search for all things in life that are genuine and real, not fake or superficial. That includes searching for uncomfortable truths, no matter where they lead. This will make you comfortable living in reality as it is (no matter how harsh), not the illusions or idealizations others make it out to be. Hence, the people who have been living with all these illusions for their entire lives will become devastated when they start to crackle.

 

Be aware that it's never too late for changing that (unless you say it)!
Although it might sound harsh and blunt, my suggestion is to begin the tedious process of abandoning all of those fake and superficial friends and people from your life, even if it might feel lonely and empty at first. Then, you can slowly begin the process of building up a new and better social circle with the people who share your interests, are genuine, share your life-philosophy and are on your page, regardless of their social status (which is mostly an artificial construct anyway).

To give you an example from my own life. In my current Track and Field club, I am one of the better runners there but I do in fact rarely mingle with many of the better runners/athletes since most of them don't share my life-philosophy or values overall. Many of them are also afraid of their social status being lowered if seen mingling with the slower runners that they avoid doing so. Me on the other hand, mingle and socialize mostly with the slower runners but I don't care since they are more laid back and share many of my core values and interests outside of running. I am also not afraid of losing any social status since I am more concerned about real connections and friendships than artificial hierarchies and constructs. The better runners can say what they want behind my back because I don't give a f*** about being the one I am (as that brings me comfort and confidence).

 

Thanks for opening up to us @SoccerDad . I find that comparing ourselves to others can be disastrous unless we do only 2 things:

#1 - Role-model some traits, thoughts or actions of someone you are inspired by and make them your own
#2 - Those that you feel dimmed by, who you think are way better at you at something (be it dating, playing soccer, running, whatever) are actually REALLY BAD in a lot of stuff that you do well. No one is perfect, and we need to focus on OUR things to thrive. Life isn't a competition, but a journey.

People can be better than you at a lot of things, but you are better in many ways aswell.

I identify with your situtation. I once pretended to be someone else. I didn't stand up for myself and didn't do the things I thought were right because of fear of rejection, many of the times doing things I knew were wrong. Somewhere along the way, I found confidence.

I went to a new school when I was 15 years old and decided I was going to take a step in the direction of who I really was since nobody knew me. So I started on the path of being myself, throwing some bad jokes here and there, assuming that I'm a total nerd for games and guitar... and let me tell you that the rewards were basically imediate. With the years I found out that the better way to improve your life is to improve ourselves.

I encourage you to find what you really love doing and dedicate to it, read self-improvement books (I can give you my personal list of books that changed my life if you want) and if you already know what you excel at, keep working at it every single day! The quality of life, your self-worth and confidence will skyrocket

If you have questions, let me know

Peace

 

Are you a wolf? This reminds me of how in a pack of wolf, the strongest helps the weakest to keep the group together...

 

Beautiful words.

 

I haven't thought about it actually but maybe yes, I am a wolf if I would be reborn into an animal.