I am a college failure

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by vulture175, Feb 25, 2016.

  1. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    4 years or nearly 5 years have gone, and yes I'm still in college. I've changed 3 colleges in those time and this will be the 4th time of the series of 4 college failures. My mind is just empty, my body is shaking and I am so suicidal. I really need your help. I don't deny that my life is complete full of failures or I'm just a failure myself, but this might be the end. What should I do if I don't have a degree. I'm really falling. I cannot function. I don't know what I should do. I can't think what I should do. 5 years in college, time and money, just poor my parents, I'm such a burden of the family.
    I'm just feeling so anxious right now.
    Please give me some advice. Thank you guys. I'm really appreciate it.
     
  2. PornMustDie

    PornMustDie Fapstronaut

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    Wait, wait, wait. There's a HUGE family of understanding brothers and sisters willing to share their warmth with you! I don't know who you are but I truly value your life! Suicide must NEVER be the solution to your troubles, my friend.

    Listen. College is TOUGH - It's designed that way to shape the best possible future for you. You're struggling? That's okay! It's part of the process but the good news is that THERE IS something you can do to change that.

    It starts with you, the change starts with you. What's causing the setbacks? Am I choosing the right course for me? Do I even need to be in college or could I possibly be working? Ask yourself these questions. Gain a better understanding of your situation through self examination. Once you identify the cause of an issue, it's much easier in finding the solution!

    Hey, you! Listen to me CLEARLY. You. Are. NOT. A. Failure - You are merely a student of LIFE, making mistakes and learning as you go! You want things to get better? You want to live successfully? You wanna be happy? Chase it! Don't let your setbacks keep you chained. Break free and RUN! Be strong, soldier! Here for you, buddy.
     
  3. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    I got kicked out of a university for stabbing someone. I was a sophomore, it was devastating. Now I'm at a fucking community college, I'm still a sophomore, but I should be a Junior. Maybe take me a total of 5 years to finish it too. You're not alone. You cant worry about your parents dude, yes it is expensive but if you're trying your best what more can you do?
    Either drop out of college or try harder. Lifes tough, you don't necessarily need college to get a good job though, plenty of trades and/or illegal work that pays good money. I understand how it is to be in college and feel like a failure, but whats the alternative?

    I could give you some real advice, or the advice people here on nofap would approve of. Let me know which one you want, and it'll get better dude.
     
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  4. PornMustDie

    PornMustDie Fapstronaut

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    @Golgo 13 - Appreciate the sentiment but that's dangerous. He's vulnerable and you're steering him in the wrong direction, to be frank.

    I think any sensible person can catch the vibe you're throwing. Just asking you to be careful, very careful. Suicidal people are fragile.
     
  5. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Relax. Seriously. R-E-L-A-X

    I started college in 2005 and am still going, and a year or 2 away from graduating with my current major. Read that again. I've been going since 2005. For the first 2 years I went because I felt obligated to since that's what you do after highschool, since I didn't want to join the military. Sometime around my second year I really started to let pmo overtake my free time and at the time I didn't have a passion for really anything, let alone my major (business), so I just up and dropped out in the middle of the semester. I honestly don't know why I did when I look back on it, other than not having any repercussions at the time (but I am paying for it now, but who cares, I could have given up but I haven't and I am more confident about my major than I ever have been).

    I tried multiple times to go back from 2010-2013 but that's when pmo had me by my throat and I couldn't get the motivation to take school seriously, other than knowing in the back of my head I needed to finish what I started. I worked multiple jobs that had set schedules so I had to schedule school around them thus making excuses why I couldn't go back full time.

    This summer I discovered nofap and it has opened my eyes to finally get my life straightened out. I somehow lost 60lbs the last few years (whilst still pmoing like a mad man), but never realized it would be the catalyst for the change I needed. I am now studying exercise science, enjoy it a ton and aspire to become a personal trainer or to do something in the fitness industry. Seeing how losing weight has changed my life, coupled with what I have learned by breaking through the pmo addiction makes me want to help others who are struggling with what I've dealt with.

    Long story short, calm down, it's going to be okay. So what that you didn't finish in 4 years, 8 semesters, straight out of highschool without changing your major or anything like that. Find something you are passionate about and pursue it. If there isn't anything offered at the schools you've gone to then maybe take some time off from school so you can work on yourself.

    Also, you are not a failure. You could have dropped out, and really hit rock bottom, but you haven't, you are still trying to graduate. Don't compare yourself to others, just focus on yourself and doing what is right for you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2016
  6. Nouvel Homme

    Nouvel Homme Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I am in university and sometimes it makes me feel awful and I know how you feel.

    I am actually against the whole university system as I believe anyone with common sense and a modicum of intelligence could do most jobs well with the right training. Look at a list of common skills demanded by employers to ease your mind.
     
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  7. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Thank you soooo much for your advice. My was collapsing yesterday
    @Golgo 13 I would love to hear your advice. I did actually have murderous thoughts too besides the suicidal thoughts when I was in school. That's when depression turned to hatred.
    @PornMustDie don't worry. I'm ok thought bit anxious but I won't take my own life because in my religion, suicide is a sin and it doesn't solve the problem. I may have to pay for that sin in the afterlife.
    @volt2187 you are a really tough man. I can't imagine if I could stay in school for that long. I got depression before pmo stepped into my life. And yes things were bad and pmo made it even worse.
    @ThisChangesEverything I used to love learning until ... I go to school. To be honest, I'm not sure what university have done to me and what I have done. I love the knowledge I have learnt, I love the library, but I hate something in school, could be professors, TAs, lectures... I don't know.
    Before school, I was a learning-lover
    After school, I was a learning-hater and self-hater. I don't know

    Thank you guys again. I think I cannot continue my study. I think I have to quit. I can't learn with the mind which is full of hate and illnesses. I need to see a psychiatrist. I had so many delusional thoughts and I don't which is true which is not, what is the truth. I feel like I was brainwashed, a promise turned into a lie. I cannot learn when I distrust everything I learn. I know it's bad but I cannot change it. I feel so powerless, but I can't give up because my mind cannot define the meaning of giving up. Depression just tries to make understand every fking thing. Who am I to understand all the knowledge in this world. Life is complicated and chaotic.

    Sometimes I cursed all healthy, successful or rich people. I wanted them to suffer the pain we're suffering right now, but I was wrong. Doing that was wrong. The first person who has suffered is me. Hatred only leads to more hatred, more sufferings. I wanna learn to accept, to forgive, but why is it so hard.
     
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  8. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Oh btw guys, do you think fap would help me release my anxiety in this moment?
     
  9. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    Probably, for about 3 seconds after you finish. Then it would all come back and you would reset your counter and feel like crap for the next 3-4 days. You should talk to a councilor at school who can help you figure something out with your situation. Plenty of people have these problems, and they just end up making them worse because they don't look for help from the right people.
    From what I've seen of you, you are a hard worker, and you have a resilient spirit. Those qualities will carry you through life no matter how impossible the odds seem.
     
  10. Ajar

    Ajar Fapstronaut
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    Part I:
    AND THATS YOUR REASON TO QUIT PMO. Go to the success section on the forums and look for posts on the "superpowers" that come with nofap. And you can post here, or anywhere just let me know if, even a chance, that these "powers" would improve your life? Would help you?

    Part II:
    Come on bro, look into yourself. If you really want something, then look into your life. Ask what are other people doing that I am not doing? Why are they acheiving success when I am not? YOU CANNOT ACHIEVE SOMETHING YOU NEVER HAVE, IF YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME THING THAT CAUSE YOU FAILURE. You're driving yourself crazy because you are not doing anything different from the past. You have to figure out how to succeed. How to be better at school. Read books, ask successful people how do they study, change your habits around.
    Look there is one book I am getting from amazon, its called "How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less" - By Newport Cal.
    **I am in the US, so it might be targeted only at US audience. But you get my idea, find ways to become better.

    Some steps:
    1.Analyze where you are right now.
    2.Analyze how do you study. What habits do you have when you are studying?
    3.Do some research. Go on google, and see what are some successful ways to study. Read some books on studying. Anything bro. Even if it comes to asking people, do it.
    4. Apply what you've learned. Use the successful methods you've learned in your research to study.

    If you are having death thoughts then that means the only way to go is towards something better. Its time to climb bro. Better yourself. You are in the perfect position to become better. You know the pain of failure, use it as a motivation to change whats wrong in your life. Let the success become a nectar of its own.
     
  11. PSychoSexy

    PSychoSexy Fapstronaut

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    God, Goglo you are a fking train-wreck man! lol

    Don't act tough on the support site and if you are giving someone an advice give an advice that is sane. Nobody gives a shit who you stubbed or what else you did. Got it?

    Hey vulture175 keep on posting man! It's really important. I know how you feel. I myself hate keeping a diary but it really helps. Can't count how many times have I dropped the journal and guess what? I am still on support sites, still dissatisfied with my results. if you want a change you got to fight for it. Now, of course it sounds easy when I say that. It's not like you are punching a punching bag and as hard as you go at it more you gain. Of course not. It's a mental game that you play with your current self right now. Your current self would love to do nothing with his life. Not even a single thing that would matter. I mean, what do we even do in this life? We come here only once and we do shit like PMOing in front of a screen! We should always remember that a man is a "social animal". You can't find fulfillment in front of a computer, sitting alone and trying to forget everything. Trying to drown in your fantasies. It's never worth it! We could be so much more and we could do so much more. But we sit in front of a computer doing shit. We need to change it man! What do you think are your suicidal thoughts? You think that you don't love this life? You think that you have had enough with life? NO! On the contrary. You desire a life and what can be the biggest feel of being alive than when you are at the brink of the death? Don't throw away your life man! Your self is telling you that it just can't go on like that. It tells you that you should start living in the most stupid way. And anyways, it's just some thoughts after all. Everybody at this forum most likely has experience such thing. I bet every human who ever lived has experience something like that. But the thing is, people at this forum, we just love to over-dramatize our lives. And it's quit natural because nothing really happens in our lives, or maybe things happen but we don't notice or appreciate it? I think it's the second one.

    Anyways, you just have to come back and post things. When you post here, you help other people on this site. And what can be better than that? Also, we should always remember that our mind is not muscular, it's fking despicable and sly when it is in PMO state. So we should approach it with more delicacy. I always struggle with the fetishes. You know why? Because I try myself all the time. No need to do that. Real challenge is not to endure the temptation, but to avoid it at all cost. So don't try yourself if you have any fetishes that you want to get rid off. They will still be there for a long time, and you know what? You won't give two shits about them. And when you are in a calm state, you can clearly see that porn is for the loser. You are not a loser as long as you want to change. Respect yourself so much that you won't do what is ill-fitted for a man, but don't be so prideful that you won't forgive yourself the past mistakes. Try to go with small steps, one at a time, change your whole life around, not just abstain from it. And be patient!

    If you adopt new habits, you'll be a different man. You will never be the same again. I know it's hard to see, but you are not the same as you were when you first started nofap. Even if you don't reach 90 days, change is still there. All the times we failed, it was just a preparation for us. So keep on pushing and push harder and harder, but in the right direction. Remember, in here it's important to be smart, not all-enduring! Besides, it's a journey of finding more of ourselves and a chance to improve ourselves. Once we succeed, what can really get in our way? Nothing! Life can through harder shit at us, but we will be prepared for it! So really, as long as we succeed, we haven't wasted anything and as long as we breathe there is an opportunity to change.
     
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  12. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    wtf r u talking about who I stubbed? what? Same goes for u nobody cares about ur long ass comment fucking day 0 gtfo
     
  13. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Calm down guys. I understand what golgo means. I had the same thoughts of hurting others too. I'm ok now. It was actually good to see the monster inside me
    thanks pyro, sometimes chane is really challenging. i will approach it step by step. and now I feel change. I feel a different person. I surprised too. helps from people were so priceless. I wish I could help them too. what they did will never be forgotten.
     
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  14. PSychoSexy

    PSychoSexy Fapstronaut

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    Oh my bad I made a typo. You get what I said. What you gonna do? You gonna stab me too? LeL. You are cute man. A man who brags about stabbing someone is a big ass pussy who hasn't really done any shit in his life and stabbing someone is the manliest thing he has ever done. So you get the fuck out of here. If you are here for a change, aim to change your flawed mindset, not reinforce it. You won't be able to do that in here:)


    vulture175 try not to care about bad feelings. They come and go but you remain on the path of rebooting. You shouldn't aim for easy life. You should aim to be tougher yourself. If you don't let the sad feelings affect you, they won't. They will just pass.
     
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  15. knzer

    knzer Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, it's good to see that your situation is bettering!
    Usually colleges have on-campus psychological consultants, they may offer great help for you as well!

    Here's a book which offers solid advice on how to do well in college with less pain, that is, study smart and not just study hard.
    I know it can be a turn-off if you don't like reading books, but I've read through it and it's not a bull-shit book. It really helps! : )

    http://www.amazon.com/How-Become-St...1457273396&sr=8-1&keywords=straight+a+student
     
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  16. PornMustDie

    PornMustDie Fapstronaut

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    @PSychoSexy @Golgo 13 - Kindly asking that you both chill out, for the sake of those who look for solace on this site (even this thread).

    You're disrupting the positive environment which potentially 'saves lives'. In your own ways, you're both trying to do good yet you have conflicting opinions/perspectives, that's life. But there is a way of addressing it peacefully.

    Thanks, fellas.
     
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  17. PSychoSexy

    PSychoSexy Fapstronaut

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    Okay you are right. I was out of my place. Golgo 13 I don't have anything against you. I wish you recovery from this addiction too. You are on a good streak and you should keep it going but the things you said just pissed me off. You shouldn't brag about stabbing someone or stuff like that. It just limits you, if nothing else and makes you look like a fool. So I wish you realize your mistakes and improve on them.
     
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  18. Golgo 13

    Golgo 13 Fapstronaut

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    wow, just wow... I am not bragging about stabbing someone or trying to sound tough I was giving him a no nonsense advice to a serious situation. Second, stabbing someone is not some pussy shit, its up close and personal not to mention I could've gone to prison for years if things turned out differently. Third, you don't know shit about me, what I consider manly. and some people deserve to get stabbed, shot, beaten, whatever.

    Just trying to help the OP, sorry u think I'm tryna turn him into a killer
     
    vulture175 likes this.
  19. If it helps I'm kind of in the same boat. I dropped out of college because of anxiety disorder which could be related to porn addiction. It's been a while since then and all I can say is that the world will continue to turn whether you graduate or not. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. What I've learned is that you don't owe the world anything and it's okay to just take it easy sometimes. If you want some time off take some time off. No one will judge you for it. The biggest problem in this world is that everyone feels they have to graduate and be successful when really they do not. No one can force you to do anything. You need to be happy first with what you are doing, then the rest will follow. The anxiety you feel is completely normal but it blocks your way. The pressure isn't healthy. Society is putting a lot of pressure on folks these days and numbers of health related drop outs, be it work or college, goes up all the time. Yet they keep stressing people out until they reach the top of their abilities. Think about it and please take care of yourself. Cheers.
     
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  20. BobDobbs

    BobDobbs Fapstronaut

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    I got my Bachelors degree at 29, after changing majors a few times, going to a few different colleges, and taking a 3 year gap in the middle.

    Here's my advice - take a break if you need to, but make sure you get back in there. Pick your major CAREFULLY, take time and do research. You need to pick something you will be able to complete, but don't make the mistake I did, which is choosing a major just because I could complete it. My degree is worthless, and only useful as a stepping stone to grad school.

    When you go back, build a framework around yourself. Organization and simplification is the key. Give yourself flexibility, but stick to a schedule. Other than classes, make sure you spend at least an hour a day getting everything organized. Stay organized. Set limits on things like browsing the internet or watching TV. Make sure you have a regular sleep schedule. Keep in contact with your teachers outside of class as much as you can. If you get a shitty teacher, just jump through whatever hoops you need to.
     
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