When I was actively watching gay pornography, I had a habit of saving the material onto my miniature video library. There was one video of a delicious, black-haired emo boy who was in his bedroom stroking himself on camera. He had a star tattoo. I have been thinking about this recently, more so about recording myself and uploading it. Later that day I was browsing Google for tips on attracting women, and men. And the webpages I saved emphasised the use of body language. I was motivated to visit the library where I borrowed a book on the subject. This would, in theory, aid me in using my body to convey nonverbal signals of attraction in the video as I want it to be an erotic experience. In my mind, I see men commenting on how handsome I am and what they want to do to me. If I’m being completely honest, I have been thinking about acting in gay porn and was browsing applications last night. The voice in my head says, “Sometimes you need to compromise and settle for less than what you’re worth.” What's wrong with me?