I am becoming hollow

Hi everyone
I am just a simple high school student who is struggling with porn and masturbation-the silent drug, from past 4 years .

THE THINGS I HAVE LOST ......

HEALTH

1. Masturbation has made me super skinny, the dream in my eyes is to be a 6 pack boy but it seems to be far away.
2. I have seen days when i felt too week even to walk , i cant forget the way i felt when i am lying on my bed in an unconscious state after fap looking with half eyes open, till date i stayed away from drug and alcohol but ...... I could feel the losing health.
3. My friends are super fit good boys and i am ......
4. I really worried about the shape of my hips , they are disappearing from sides.

TIME & EDUCATION

1. In these 4 years i have lost a lot of my precious time, i have procrastinated as a result i did not achieved the things i was capable of .

SELF RESPECT

1. In the eyes of my parents , teachers and friends i am the most innocent , good in studies and morally correct person . I am taken as a role model by my younger cousins and friends but i know the reality.
2. I am living a double life - one outside and one inside my room and i want to end it .
3. In other aspects i am a normal good person , like i never use abusive language or fight or bully anyone , i am helpful . But now i am not in a state to help myself.
4. I cant share how it feels when some one is praising you and from inside you know your reality .

GENERALLY ,I have no interest in watching someone naked , sex etc , but when the urge to masturbate and ejaculate hits the mind - i have seen the most kinkiest porn , no matter straight , gay , cartoon , forced ...... then the dark side of me just needs anything . Some times i think , do i am a gay when i watched gay sex . When i look with the evil lusty eyes i think bad about every one who comes in front of my eyes . but when am normal ,i am straight , i feel attracted to girls , i have a deep bonding with then . This evil porn is troubling me a lot now .

One more thing , the after feeling of fap is sometimes more intensified by the old memory when my big cousin brother tried to physically touch my parts and intended bad. This led me to search and i was exposed to gay porn and then moved to simple porn .

I tried everything , but failed . But I WILL NOT GIVE UP , I want to REDEEM myself from fap . I want to be a good guy in university in the future .

Now i am a part of this great community , i have a feeling that i will overcome my addiction .

THANKS FOR READING , for taking out your precious time for reading the post of a person you even don't know , who so even you are , dear you are great . We both are on the same platform and we will change , let us all make a difference ....

Thank you
Warm regards !!

exito

 

Thanks dear

 

Thanks sir, really appreciate your words