I am Confused

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Yarxing, Sep 5, 2017.

  1. Yarxing

    Yarxing Fapstronaut

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    So.. Here I am, on 61 days. and im scrolling around on the interwebs.
    I come across a video on youtube of this girl talking about her NoFab experience. I think ''hey interesting'' and give it a look. turns out to be a pretty standard vid, but as I am listening to her talk I scroll down the comments. And my mind gets blown.

    Turns out there are tons of people who are major critics of NoFap. So I read these comments and one guy gives this link to an article called The NoFap phenomenom on Psychologytoday. It's 2 years old.. so not really old either. I read it and it is one big explaination on why NoFap is BS and how there is no scientific proof for any of it and how NoFap comes down to a moral conviction that hurts more than it helps.

    When I started NoFap I began by looking up info about it, watched the Your Brain on Porn vid and back then it all seemed so clear. Porn is bad and I should ban it. It is messing with my head.. so I am going to ban it.

    Now Im not so sure.. is not masturbating really good for you? is it one big placebo effect? I can still get behind not watching Porn, because I feel I did that way to often, and there is not one addiction that is healthy. But I feel kind off disillusioned by it all. And I dont really know what info I can trust. And I already feel my mind forming the ''excuse'' to go masturbating.. What are you guys opinions on this?
     
  2. ValueLiberty

    ValueLiberty Fapstronaut

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    My personal opinion is that masturbating is not necessarily bad. It could even have some healthy benefits. Especially in moderation if you have no other sexual outlets.

    That said, the way we, or at least myself was masturbating was VERY bad and immoral. Furthermore it was affecting my REAL romantic relationships with REAL women.

    If I have to think of some nasty porn while I am having sex with someone I am attracted to and love, that is a problem inside my mind. I have romantic love and my own self-esteem backwards.

    If you want to know more philosophically from a non religious standpoint why it is bad and sex should be a much higher value then we are treating it, read this. I believe it is true.

    It has taken me years to fully grasp this Objective and non-religious concept. If you want to know more let me know...
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2017
    Yarxing likes this.
  3. Veronico

    Veronico Fapstronaut

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    Ask yourself why you want to masturbate?
    Ask yourself why you have the need to think about sexual stuff.

    I don't have the need to do that neither want to do that. I simply live my life doing productive things, mastrubation isn't productive for me. It's just time wasting. Also, I don't want to objectify women for self-pleasure. That's just for weak men.
     
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  4. ValueLiberty

    ValueLiberty Fapstronaut

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    Truth. And to add it is for men with low self esteem.
     
  5. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

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    Okay...Let's see.

    Masturbation:
    -Drains your energy and gives you nothing beneficial in return.
    -Makes you feel like a loser because you can't control your actions.
    -Waste your time.
    -Is one of the reasons you are watching porn; it's hard to masturbate without watching porn.

    Porn:
    -Is a fuel for masturbation.
    -Makes you pervert in real life.
    -Wastes your time.
    -Gives you nothing in return
    -Makes you treat women like a sexual object.

    Do you really think that spending your life every day on watching naked women, and hentai, and masturbating like a horny, pervert person is normal?
     
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  6. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Masturbation in moderation isnt inherently bad, but it isnt bad in the same way eating a Big Mac isnt inherently bad; ie it can be too easily abused to be worth the risk, especially for people with addictive personalities. Every single day, even on days where the urges arent too strong, I still want to masturbate, I yearn for some sort of sexual release and I know that doing it once wouldnt be harmful in and of itself. HOWEVER, as someone with an addiction, I cant just do that, I cant just masturbate once and be done with it, I have to masturbate over and over until I physically cant anymore, and frankly I dont give a shit what some online psychologist says, I know that isnt healthy and whether its placebo effect or not cold turkey is the only thing that works for me. Sometimes you have to make your own decisions and come to your own conclusions, this is one of those times.
     
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  7. Yarxing

    Yarxing Fapstronaut

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    I like your post.. a lot, but I have to think on it. figure out what it really means I guess. But thank you for your words, ill let you know when I want to know more.
     
  8. Yarxing

    Yarxing Fapstronaut

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    Ok. Why do I want to masturbate. Because I feel like im about to explode. My girlfriend isnt ready for sex yet. yet we do cuddle a lot and we find we have a lot of passion for each other. when we have intimate moments I find myself heating up to much and wanting to cross her boundaries. I feel like this is because I dont have an outlet for my sex drive. maybe if I would only MO without the porn I can handle those situations much better.

    as for thinking sexual stuff.. I dont really feel I have the need for that.. not watching P and cutting out other P subs really help focusing on what I have with my girlfriend. But I do sometimes think about our intimacy.. I dont feel like that is wrong tho.. or objectifying..
     
  9. Yarxing

    Yarxing Fapstronaut

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    I do wonder if masturbation really doesnt give you anything in return, as ValueLiberty said in his respsonse to me, there might be healthy benefits in moderation.. and if I consciously decide to masturbate because I feel it has some benefits I am controlling my actions. and if that is so.. it is not really a waste of my time. I do agree with the porn, and im not thinking of returning to Porn at all. But more from a moral standpoint then out of anything else. Here on Nofap there is a lot of ''science'' on what Porn does to your brain, but when I read other articles they denie that. If there is no real science behind Nofap, then I can only trust on my own instincts right? I dont think spending everyday watching naked women is normal. But I do think being Horny and masturbating once in a while is..
     
  10. justgoingon

    justgoingon Fapstronaut

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    May I ask you what will be your idea of moderate masturbation.
     
  11. Yarxing

    Yarxing Fapstronaut

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    hm, dont really know.. wanted to check if im not making any major logic flaws first.. but top of my head, twice a week or something.
     
  12. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

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    And you will find yourself returning to porn. Believe masturbation is so hard to do without porn. Why don't eradicate both irretrievably, and start a new life.
     
  13. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

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    And masturbation doesn't really give you any healthy benefits.
     
  14. justgoingon

    justgoingon Fapstronaut

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    Well I am not as far as you have gone with Nofap. But within this sort period of time I am feeling more confident, motivated, my skin looks better, my eyes don't feel like I haven't had sleep for days. I feel energetic and I drive this energy into positive outlets such as working out & studying. I used to smoke but I don't have any cravings for them quite frankly because I have a even bigger urge to resist. And its not about the benefits for its about the challenge it poses to oneself. I know I am an addict as a smoker and as fapper because I don't have control over these things. It starts with one a day or a week( for smoking at a certain party) and then before you know its back. I am not saying masturbation is bad. It has according to some scientific forums healthy impacts sexually. But, I think you should just let the 90 days complete. And as for your GF, I think you should talk to her; maybe her perspective can help you get through this emotional turmoil.
     
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  15. Fork2323

    Fork2323 Fapstronaut

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    Thats why i leaned all the tantra exercises to channel the energy up to my higher self and using it for positive things..
    Also people that are against nofap are probibly fappers and so addicted cant live without it, or arent doing it at all and are not addicted so they have no idea of how much it hurts true sex addicts. Plus i bet the porn industry posts a lot of anti nofap stuff too as they spend millians and have lawers that stand behind free speach laws to make sure porn is available to everyone.
     

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