I would like to apologise if this is posted in the wrong category. I couldn't find a closer matching category to post this in, but I urgently need to express myself. I feel as though life isn't worth living anymore and I need your thoughts. Will NoFap even help me? From the age of 13 I started masturbating. I masturbated perhaps once every 3 days. It was to completely normal, vanilla pornography and it never really led to an addiction or any problems, and this continued until age 18. When I hit age 18, I was in college. I've always had a dull life & introverted hobbies, but I was actually very content with this. Anyway, at this time, I discovered Japanese erotic games called "Eroges" - I mostly played erotic RPG games which meant that they were quite long playing the game rewarded the player with many sex scenes. In order to enjoy them, I would have to edge for hours. It was the most pleasurable and euphoric hobby I ever had. I masturbated to them almost every day. I became addicted to femdom and mained almost completely femdom RPG eroges. Truly, no hobby could compete with the amount of pleasure this hobby brought me, looking back, it should have been obvious that taking this much joy from one hobby would only fuck up my reward system. Not only were they arousing pornographically, they were fun as games themselves. In addition, to myself who was studying Japanese at the time, they were educational, I learned a lot through them, which made me justify it. Truly, eroges were invincible to criticism in my brain, and I didn't think anything bad would come from my abuse of them. I do remember briefly making a light remark to myself while playing a non-pornographic game when I was lightly addicted, something like "Wow, normal games feel like a chore and are nowhere near as rewarding as porn games huh" - I had no idea that this sentiment would become such a fucking black hole of joy in my life. Non-pornographic video games no longer bring me any joy or sense of accomplishment, and neither does ANYTHING IN LIFE. Even when trying romance with a real girl, numb, nothing, PIED. I have to fake my emotions and I feel just terrible for it. Little did I know that this abuse of so much pleasure would do nothing but kick my dopamine & sexual arousal hurdles into space, truly. I'm suffering from PIED and severe depression. I can't take joy from ANYTHING in life aside from femdom pornography. Even when I go on holiday I appear absent-minded, dark and ungrateful. If I do something spectacular or social, no good memories are created. My brain is just permanently in a disinterested state unless it gets what it wants. I feel like a drug addict, and none of the therapists I've tried talking to appear to really understand. It took me quite a long time to realise that my abuse of pornography was the cause of the incredibly depressing numbness I feel, and now that I know the shape of the problem, I hope I can stop it. I've been doing NoFap for like 3-4 months now (I'm new to the forums but, I've been doing it through Reddit) - and my average streak is 4 days long. 12 days I managed to do once, and I messed up a 6 day streak last night, which is what is prompting me to write this. I hate myself for always breaking my streaks. I deleted all of my pornography from my PC, installed website blockers, but I always disable the blocker when I'm in that unreasonably aroused state and go ahead and re-download the porn. At the end of this month, I will go somewhere with my friend, and I want to enjoy it. I don't want to spend time with her in this awfully unhuman brain state, so I would like to not masturbate this month at all. I have never exceed two weeks before, so it will require much determination. Am I the only one in this severe of a state? Is there anything that can be done to help? I am very desperate and I'm at my limit. I've been living like a zombie without any emotions for so long, I think often of taking my own life and I am confident that if I don't manage to fix this problem, I will eventually do it. Thank you.