I am emotionless?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by freshstart99, Dec 28, 2017.

  1. freshstart99

    freshstart99 Fapstronaut

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    I'm kind of confused. I have relapsed many times recently and I have been doing NF for a couple of years now.

    Usually, when I relapse I feel angry or disappointed with myself, but these past few times I have just felt nothing. I haven't felt sad or happy, relaxed or anxious. Just no emotion whatsoever. I still know PMO is bad, but I have no emotions surrounding it.

    In fact, everyday life is beginning to become more emotionless and I don't know why. I have no drive to eat, work or anything. When I am with my friends, I don't feel happy.

    I know that PMO numbs you, but I've never experienced it to the point where I literally feel nothing. Not even an emotion towards porn itself.

    I don't really know how I'm meant to move forward with giving up PMO if I am just emotionless towards it all. I know I must continue, but I'm worried that relapsing will continue because I just don't have any remorse for what I'm doing.

    Thanks all.
     
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  2. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    Ask yourself what is the point of quitting PMO? You need a reason to motivate you. Once you have a reason, it becomes something you can cling onto, no matter you are feeling at that point of time.
     
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  3. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    The emotionless state you are describing is the onset of Depersonalization / Derealization. It is horrible and it gets worse and worse the more you relapse. Feels as if you are disconnected from life. I went years without knowing what that was and even formed an identity around that emotionless state that I believed to be the real me. I started too see more people pop up with this symptom and knowing that porn and relapses cause you to feel like this and have not looked back since.

    Porn is not an option if you want to have a better life.
     
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  4. freshstart99

    freshstart99 Fapstronaut

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    thanks man, that makes a lot of sense.

    How did you manage to get snap out of this depersonalisation/derealisation? Was it just by stopping PMO longterm?
     
  5. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    I am still in it unfortunately man and have been so for a good few years. But, having said that I notice many of my DP / DR symptoms noticeably fade down. My mind was like a washing machine of constant racing thoughts a few months back and I had this terrible shortness of breath for a few years that came along with DP / DR.

    Them two symptoms have somewhat dissapeared for the time being.

    Yea stopping porn will get rid of it and eating healthy, exercising and sleeping well will help. But stopping porn for good will get you out of it. It's horrible living with it for years man try and put this to bed whilst you sound like you're in the early stages of it!
     
    freshstart99 likes this.
  6. freshstart99

    freshstart99 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you man, that has helped a lot. I will definitely stop to get out of this, it's really not fun.
     
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  7. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    I wish you the very best of luck. It will be a tough journey, you'll have brief moments of feeling up and then down and then up and so on. The withdrawals are no joke. Just keep pushing!
     
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  8. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    Is not what you describe something that could be perceived as a case of clinical depression? I usually feel pretty numb in part due to porn addiction (and also compulsive gambling) but I can joke and laugh and sometimes feel when with my friends.
     
  9. freshstart99

    freshstart99 Fapstronaut

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    I guess I'll see how reboot goes and then look more into other possibilities, like clinical depression. I've never experienced this before so I'm not sure if that's the case. Thanks though.
     
  10. Iampowerful

    Iampowerful Fapstronaut

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    Wahhh absolutely spot on to how I’m feeling DP/DR I’ve been feeling like this for around 6 months it all started with a drug overdose that made me have a 3rd person view of myself and it was a scary thing the porn adds to all this it’s scary how all the dots are connecting but at the same time Im happy that I’ve managed to make sense of it all as I imagine some people go years not identifying the problem. I’ve just gone through loads in the past few years and look forward to really getting back out there with my nofap
     
  11. I Am that I Am

    I Am that I Am Fapstronaut

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    Are you reasoned at least?
     
  12. Iampowerful

    Iampowerful Fapstronaut

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    If by that you mean do I understand what’s going wrong with myself... yes! I’m just struggling to fix it. But i feel it’s my first time being aware of myself. And definitely the first time at fixing anything within myself and I feel I’ve took action fast enough to be able to fix myself I’m just happy I’ve found this place as a comfort towards my recovery
     
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  13. It's the constant masturbation and porn. It's messing up the balance of neurotransmitters in your brain. I'm no expert but i'm gonna tell you what I feel is going on from my experience.

    Most probably, porn and masturbation is shooting your dopamine way above the baseline levels and has been for quite some time,this has led to your brain adapt to the high dopamine influx by reducing the dopamine receptors. This may be why normal activities that used to give you pleasure via dopamine release (of a normal and natural level) like hanging out with friends as you mentioned, feel less pleasurable since there are less dopamine receptors in your brain. It's a common and probably the most well known and common side effect of masturbation and porn addiction. Feeling emotionless, no motivation are the result of low dopamine.

    From your post it seems you've recently started feeling these effects,, especially if you're bingeing. This mate, is a BIG red flag warning you that things will become much worse in a similar fashion if you continue down this path. I would advice you to stop asap and save yourself a lot more trouble. My advice:

    1.Go to yourbrainonporn and begin reading up on the material,especially dopamine desensitization .A good place to start may be there.

    2.Exercise and meditate,find natural activities that make you feel good.

    3.Get serious about quitting.
     
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  14. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    What about normal sex or masturbation without porn, do they cause depersonalisation/derealisation as well?
     
  15. I'm not aware of what depersonalisation/derealisation is exactly but i think it has been stated several times that normal sex and masturbation to porn/masturbation are completely different things to it. Most people think they are the one and same but they're not. I wish I could quote the sources and when I manage to find the time I surely will.
    Sex addiction might be a completely different ball game though.
     

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