I exactly know in todays society: woman are together with some bad boys. And those woman still love them even if they were treated like shit. And me who was always kind to all people in real life will never get a chance to be kissed from a girl. NEVER! Wheras good looking people (men or woman) had hundreds of partners, they still will receive love from society. They have the money, they are healthy, they are good looking, they are tall and respected. At least they have one aspect what makes them feel lucky or enjoy life. But I have simply nothing of those things. Even I hate it for being born in a family who is not supportive and not caring about my situation. I was always jealous about not so religious families like my old school mates who were celebrating christmas with their family and all of them had a girlfriend, were loved, they were tall, good or at least normal looking and then I have looked at me who was the shortest guy in the class, shorter than other girls and had never the fanciest clothest in class because my mother was so stingy to give me money for buying good clothes. I was never athletic or good in anything. I could never impress. I am looking so ugly that I really would like to kill myself. I am feeling so cursed that I still have the feeling that I shall never feel lucky in my life. My whole life was a fight with my own suffering. Thats why I don't believe in heaven or hell or even god anymore. I had prayed my whole life but god always looked away. I don't see justice in life. I am literally crying now. I am feeling so shit. I was never a child who was born out of love. Note: Today I have fapped, I really doubt that changes will happen in my life. I am a looser.