I am feeling really really bad

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Krillin1993, May 14, 2021.

  1. Krillin1993

    Krillin1993 Fapstronaut

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    I exactly know in todays society: woman are together with some bad boys. And those woman still love them even if they were treated like shit. And me who was always kind to all people in real life will never get a chance to be kissed from a girl. NEVER! Wheras good looking people (men or woman) had hundreds of partners, they still will receive love from society. They have the money, they are healthy, they are good looking, they are tall and respected. At least they have one aspect what makes them feel lucky or enjoy life. But I have simply nothing of those things.
    Even I hate it for being born in a family who is not supportive and not caring about my situation. I was always jealous about not so religious families like my old school mates who were celebrating christmas with their family and all of them had a girlfriend, were loved, they were tall, good or at least normal looking and then I have looked at me who was the shortest guy in the class, shorter than other girls and had never the fanciest clothest in class because my mother was so stingy to give me money for buying good clothes. I was never athletic or good in anything. I could never impress.
    I am looking so ugly that I really would like to kill myself. I am feeling so cursed that I still have the feeling that I shall never feel lucky in my life.
    My whole life was a fight with my own suffering. Thats why I don't believe in heaven or hell or even god anymore. I had prayed my whole life but god always looked away.
    I don't see justice in life. I am literally crying now. I am feeling so shit. I was never a child who was born out of love.
    Note: Today I have fapped, I really doubt that changes will happen in my life. I am a looser.
     
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  2. Stahl

    Stahl Fapstronaut

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    I’m sorry to hear that. I can relate, since I myself have never been in a relationship. I would strongly advice against killing yourself; although you feel miserable now, killing yourself wouldn’t solve it. If there’s no afterlife and death is just eternal oblivion, you wouldn’t exist any longer, and would find no peace
     
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  3. toziko

    toziko Fapstronaut

    Hey Buddy!

    you are not alone! That is first to clear. I was born to save a marriage, it did not work out and my mother showed her back to me because of that. I akways thought I am fat and ugly. Achieved nothing and worth nothing.
    Well these ideas were not mine. I have learned to resoect mysel and realised some of my values. Thise values comes from the way we treat each other.
    now here I am. Ha ing a loving husband and friends. I am out of that toxic bubble and encourage you to do tha same. Left thise behind who hurted you and focus on the ones who loves you the way you are. Nothing less! I know it’s bad now, but it can not rain all the time. The Sun is always shining, only clouds comes and goes. This will go away too, just don’t give up. You got this. About the relapse: progress not profection. Don’t be so hard on yourself, forgive and keep going!
    if you have an urge next time feel free to contact me.
    Nobody has to fight this alone! :)
     
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  4. Masum42c

    Masum42c Fapstronaut

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    Don't get deceived by what other people have in this world. This world is a temporary place, everything in this world is temporary. Women, money, health, beauty all are temporary. Because death is certain. You see, when a person dies, then doesn't matter how much wealth he had or, how beautiful he was, nothing matters after death. Even people stop calling him by his name, they say bring the dead body here, or, wash the dead body or, bury the dead body. So what was there that gave value to that body before he was dead. It is the soul. Purify your soul, because soul is eternal. And don't loose hope in God. There is only one God and we will return to him. Then we will be hold accountable for all our deeds that we have done in this world. This world is only an exam hall. And depending on the result, our next life, which is our permanent living place, will be decided. So, yes, people may have many thing in this world, but in the end everything will come to an end. This is the reality we fail to realize even though we all know it. We all know we will die. So don't long for what is temporary but long for what will be permanent. Try to purify your soul. And believe me, if beauty, money, women could make people real happy, then all those celebrity, singer, rapper would not commit suicide. They were fade up with this life even though they had all the things that people wish for in this world. So, search for real happiness and that is not money, beauty, or women. I'm not saying money isn't necessary, but I don't think you're starving because you don't have money. Try to be content with what you have and of course try to improve your life. Little by little. If you think you're ugly, many beautiful people also think they are ugly. This is our human nature. We are never content and we will never be. Only death will satisfy our need. As long as we are alive, we will always be in need of something. So instead of living a life of despair, be content. And women, yes we need someone in our life. A partner, a lover, a wife. We need that one person. Otherwise life do seem empty. Try your best. But that doesn't mean if you don't find one, your life becomes meaning less. You need to find value in your life. So don't loose hope and keep moving forward. And don't masturbate, you're only harming yourself. So, it's not doing any good. Just because you don't have object A, B or C, doesn't mean you need to loose D. What you have is yours, and try to achieve the others. Even if you fail to achieve after you try, that's ok. Because not all of us get everything we want. But we try, we keep on moving forward. We all the time we are content with whatever we currently have.
     
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  5. I too feel ugly but I am struggling to make my life beautiful.
    As far as having a girl goes, it's obvious to feel bad.
    When I think about it, I should not wish for a beautiful girl because I need to consider my looks too.
    I hope to be satisfied without a partner in future and also I am optimistic for the future , Who knows what life has in store for us.
     
    toziko likes this.
  6. Stahl

    Stahl Fapstronaut

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    Another thing, OP: you mention that you're not particullary good at anything. I find it hard to believe that there is nothing you're not skilled at, but leaving that aside, what do you like to do? What makes you happy doing?
     
  7. RestingWings

    RestingWings New Fapstronaut

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    Fight for your self, fight for your life. Only you can deliver yourself from evil. Grant your self permission to become what you aspire to be; know that it will not be easy, and that you will make mistakes along the way... Remember that mistakes do not make you a failure, but are part of the process. You can do this
     
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  8. Lecovesck

    Lecovesck Fapstronaut

    You do the changes. Keep your mind on the path.
     
  9. silentmike

    silentmike Fapstronaut

    I dont think you can solve your problem on your own. It requires talking with some specialist. If you have not tried it, maybe you should try. For me it worked, at least - it gave me courage to make a change in my life. I am not saying this will make dramatic changes, but it can help you make a step toward a better future. Also its not like asking a girl out, you talk to a specialist who is paid for it - you will not get rejected and no one will make a joke of your problems.

    I think the whole thought of marriage - or being in relationship, is orthogonal to how much outsider you are. At some age - like 24+ some woman are looking for a candidate for husband who will want to have kids, and will be prepared to work and make a family home.
     
  10. Maramalade

    Maramalade Fapstronaut

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    Well let me tell you something. I have a close friend. He is 23, short and bald guy. YES, He is bald at this age, no beard and almost no hair at the top. Now you have probably imagined how these traits make him ugly already. However, he is successful and hardworking. He comes from lower middle class family and now running a business. He has a wide range of connection, has lots of female/male friends. He is confident, very friendly and has a girlfriend.

    But me, a 184cm tall guy with normal looking face, with wide shoulders and hair, is a loser, had no girlfriend and definite goals in my life. I relapsed today ending my 16 days streak, now jealous of my friend.

    I used t be like him before my addiction. It is PMO what makes you and me like this. I am also a religious guy like you, prayed GOD but still lose. We need to be patient, optimistic and win this battle. Evrything will be OK.

    It is your addiction that makes you like this. Keep on fighting. Be patient, you will be one of those bad boys. I personally experienced this in my longer streaks.

    If you are religious person, I recommend you keep praying consistently no matter whatever happens. GOD will help you if you regularly pray otherwise you won't get anything. Things only work like this.
     
    toziko likes this.
  11. growpotatoes

    growpotatoes Fapstronaut

    Become passionate about a sport. Try one that appeals to you. Climbing for example, is very fun. Then keep at it, 3 times a week, you will become more and more skilled, your body will change and become attractive too, and even if you don't get a girlfriend you'll at least have a healthy passion in your life.
     
  12. alexandrebois

    alexandrebois Fapstronaut

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    I understand you, and this has been Explained, in this video that explains the female nature:

     
  13. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    You gotta change your perception of the future. That's the key. People say, like you, they feel miserable because of their past or their current situation but if you were to win the lottery today, your past would all of a sudden disappear because your perception of the future has just radically changed causing you to be happy.
    The book "the slight edge" by Jeff Olson covers this idea, that the future should always be your friend and only those who see it as their enemy are the sad ones.
    Here's a quote from the book:
    "You can't change the past. You can change the future. Would you rather be influenced by something you can't change, or by something you can?"

    As far as not having a girlfriend goes, that's not gonna bring you happiness. Also girls aren't attracted to guys who see a relationship as the only means to happiness and btw, the majority of good looking guys have that exact mentality. You see an attractive guy on the street, chances are he needs to be in a relationship to feel good about himself. Sure a girl will go out with him but only with hope that he's as good as he looks and if he's insecure (which he's more likely to be) then he ain't.
     
  14. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    Don´t give up on nofap. It sucks that you are going through all these bad emotions. You said that you were jealous of others - why? Jealousy is not good. Also you said that you have prayed but have you actually obeyed what God wants from us? In catholic church envy and lust are bad sins. You are however forgiven, always when you ask for forgiveness. Stay strong my guy, I know that it can get better. Start on working on yourself - exercise etc. All the best to you!
     
  15. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    Also I think that being grateful of what you have is important, sure you did not have as cool clothes as others, but at least you had clothes, and food etc. It is not to be taken for granted. Not everyone goes after the material goods. You should not blame your parents for not buying you the best clothes in store - I am sure that they did their best. And if you want to now get nice clothes - who is to stop you from buying them? Anyways, it sucks to feel the way you do - I have felt that so many times as well. That is why I am here on this forum as well. I can tell you that it gets better. Focus more on yourself, happiness can never come from another person. It is a hard truth to swallow. Sure someone or something can make you feel good but it will always just be temporary - because that is the state of everything material. There are a lot of short guys with bfs, focus on doing nofap for good. That is the hardest and most rewarding thing in nofap - when you do not relapse no matter how sh*tty you feel. I have always been skinny, but it is the confidence that attracts females. Love yourself, you are perfect the way you are.
     
  16. I read a quote the other day to the effect of changing your perspective from where life happens to you to where you happen to life.

    Yes I know how we can feel down and I can get into the same pattern focusing on other people not caring about me, but that's exactly why we need to be proactive.

    I also noticed you reset and are at day 0, I just read about how the parts of our brain that attributes emotional meaning is involved in addiction, it's no secret that people feel bad when they relapse but aside from that it's also more emotional. The different parts of the brain that normally communicate with each other doesn't work right when we're tired, do you feel tired?

    I won't say too much more, but my guess is you'd want and need to recharge. So eat well, get some rest and take care of yourself today. A lot of people seem to think it's always about abstinence, like it's just a simple on and off switch. We agree on abstinence but I know we need to do a lot of things to take care of ourselves and just pushing for willpower may even make you relapse more. So I'll end with this, you can write more yourself, maybe in a private journal but it's just the first day after a re/lapse. Focus on taking care of yourself instead of how other people don't take care of you. You'll feel better if you take care of yourself but you'll feel worse if you dwell on people not caring about you.
     
  17. kvist

    kvist New Fapstronaut

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    The solution to the loneliness is more complex that people make it out to be. The reason why men get into relationships is exposure to women. By engaging socially you increase your exposure and therefore put yourself out to the potential mates. Now being physically unattractive you're already in a much worse position that others. I think that you should work on self improvement and increasing your own value. Start working out, focus on what is interesting you and try to distance yourself from the urge of having a relationship. As harsh as it may sound it is the only way. Focus on yourself, not the others. It's your life and the reality is most people don't care. Even those that tell you "it's going to be fine" and "you'll fine someone eventually" are basically serving you verbal morphine as they don't understand nor can offer a solution to this issue.
    As for suicide, being suicidal myself I can tell you that there is really not much difference whether you live or die. And I guess this is the only ultimate justice in life. Everybody dies and even the attractive people with rich romantic lives will turn to dust at some point. You might as well put in effort of living through your life, at least for a decade or so, and try improving the aspects of it.
     

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