I Am Free

Welcome to the forum! Thank you for sharing your story.

It is sad to see that you paid a hefty price for your porn use. Do note however that P is an inanimate object and the first step of taking responsibility is to admit that you were solely responsible for your P-use. Once you accept this accountability, you will be in stronger frame of mind when it comes to combating your PMO urges. Though I watched P as a kid inadvertently for the first time, I chose to make it a habit as an adult. If not consciously, subconsciously I was at fault. Once I started feeling wrong about it, I still continued using various justifications. PIED finally got me to stop completely. I hope I'm making sense? You are great person for admitting that you need to change but I just want you to recognize that you have complete control. You can do this!

Keep visiting us bud! We are here for you! Good luck!

 

Hey man!

Welcome to the community! Everyone has lost so many things to this habit, we all share your pain.
By opening up and telling everyone in here you've already taken a big step towards the new you, be proud of that

Lot's of strength and the best of luck to ya!

 

That's a loaded question but I will try and give you my opinion. The concept of connection or love is a very deep one and has many levels. It is not solely about physical connection but extends to emotional and intellectual spheres also. Think about it this way. If there is a political belief that you hold dear and someone you maybe physically attracted to strongly goes against your opinion, will this dim your attractiveness towards them? Chances are that it may impact the attractiveness of the proposition for physical intimacy. Human attraction is very complex. What turns on and turns off someone is a complex science. A change in weather can impact someone's libido and make a prospective partner seem unattractive.

The lack of trust in your interaction may have emerged from multiple sources. Your lack of confidence in your self could be one of the primary sources. If you're not completely sure of your ability to perform you have to address this with the girl. It is hard but for this you may have to build on an emotional connection with her first. Once this is established, only then can you move on to the next step. Relationships are a multi-stage process. Of course, we view several instances of one-night stands in our society and think that those actions have no impact on an individual. The truth of the matter is that they do impact the individual and affect their ability to form deeper bonds.

To strengthen your relationship ability you have to invest in yourself and your emotional intelligence. Work on building relationships with people. You do not need to just go out and meet new people with the intention of getting close to them but you can work on strengthening old relationships. Talk to old friends and reach out to people you may have lost touch with. There is no easy solution and I feel your pain man. I am 31 and single and recovering from this myself. My returning libido coupled with my abstinence is making it hard to control my thoughts. We are all in the same boat and get easily distracted by the easy options out there. Focus on your goals with determination and do not get fooled by the false promises of shortcuts. With hard work and effort you will become whole again!

 

Go outside, take a walk, breath in the fresh air and remind yourself why you started in this place.
Just do ANYTHING to get your mind off where you currently are when the urge hits you.
Step away from where you are, do some pushups or whatever.
Holding your breath can also help until you feel the urges fade off.

Good luck mate!

 

Remember the reward at the end. All these stories of recovery are true. Change is possible. Research shows it. People talk about. You got to keep trying and staying with our program. No easy way out. No replacement for the time commitment. No replacement for the hard work and self-control. You're essentially changing your mindset. This will take time. Stay with us bud!